I have just turned 60. Have three wonderful grown children. I married a wonderful person who is a better friend to everyone, than a husband and father to his family. All his life, he has been out saving ‘damsels in distress’, and he still is. Every so often, these damsels, some single some married often ended up having short term or long term affairs with him.
More than twenty years ago, he got into a very intensive relationship with someone much younger, about 15 years his junior. During this time my youngest child was born. He refused a divorce, maintained that it will blow over, it did, after four years and lots of ill feeling all around, and it ended badly.
He always said that I have bad timing for doing things, half of his life has been waiting for me to come to bed every night. I felt extremely offended when he used to say that I should jump into bed with him after the children retired, and wait until he’s asleep then I can go do the dishes and clean up the house again, before I get back to sleep, His theory has been that he makes more money then I dot, He has matched my monetary contribution penny to penny and more; it wouldn’t be ‘right’ that he still have to do housework.
Everytime when we fought it always ended up that he threw me out of the room, but we always reconciled. We all knew he has a temper,so everyone just get out of his way when it happens, we all know he could be a wonderful gentle person most of the time, but he is a hell of a devil as an enemy, and he had proven himself many times with me, family and ‘friends’, and ex-girlfriends.
Boxing Day 2004, for some very minor comments, he threw me out again. We have never been able to reconcile this time. I find out recently that he started his affair with this current love in the autumn of 2004. This woman who is in her late 40’s is the wife of his ex-client, who works out of town, apparently she doesn’t work and my husband is in sales, so they are together every single day, he keeps an almost day to day photo journal of her and her family in our computer. Now, he knows that I know, but he denies it totally, and talked with this mockery look on his face…‘catch me if you can’. He maintains that because he was left alone for so long, he has just acquired someone to keep him company all the time now, therefore, I need to ‘book’ for an appointment if I need him.
He had left me and the children, four or five times looking for ‘better jobs’ somewhere else out of town, or out of the country. He always ended up coming home in less than a year; because he was lonely, he had to do his own laundry and cook. But he is never happy with what he has, he always feel that the next person ended up with the better deal. He doesn’t appreciate me nor his children. The oldest child is now an attorney, the younger one a chef, but they had to fight and struggle with their own father to get there, and paid heavily for it because my husband refused to pay their full tuitions, so they work every summer and holiday days to make up for it.
During his last ‘looking for green career pasture’ episode, he sent emails and phoned me to look for documents and files from his file and boxes, and send them to him. It was then when I find dated withih the last 25 to 30 years, love letters, love poems, casual as well as explicit photos to and from women from Australia, Hong Kong, different parts of US and Canada. Now at hindsight, may be he wanted me to see the things in those boxes, and hoped that I would walk out on my own.
Those are old acquintances, high school sweethearts, career partners, clients, clients’ wives; friend of his then girlfirends, from highly educated to the new love of his life, who doesn’t speak English at all, and he is now her protector and companion, he coaches her kids he fights insurance claim, traffic tickets for her and her children. We always have to do it ourselves.
My oldest daughter too, went through a very distasteful divorce a year ago, it’s so pathetic that she ended up marrying someone so much like her dad. And I just are afraid of what he is capable of.
It seems that I am pointing a guilty finger at him; may be I could have done more to secure this marriage, but honest to God I tried very hard, I have given my all to him and his family, our children, my time and my money. I could be stubborn at times. This Sunday’s sermon at church was about pride, I did wonder whether it was my pride, but I think there is a fine line where pride ends and self-respect counts. Please, read betwee the lines and tell me that I was wrong somewhere, so that I could feel that it’s not as unfair as I feel, because it hurts so much feeling that I have wasted 38 years of my life chasing an illusion, living in a world which was never there to start with.