I am trying to walk in the footsteps of the righteous before us


Hello all.

I know God alone is good and I will live a sound moral life whether it is a calling to serve our Lord through a vocation or to serve God by raising my children with my wife so they too can love others and God.

I have recently graduated from College, Yes! I am in my mid-twenties, unemployed, not married, and I have no children. I feel as though I am in a situation to learn through my experiences with my friends, family, and through reading books on Christianity, philosophy, and other world religions which will aid me in making just decisions and will help me discover my purpose in life. I feel as though I have a calling due to my experiences since 2006.

Nearly six years ago my life went from being a normal college student to something more. I was driving late at night on an everyday rural road when from a distance I saw a floating “Red Orb” (There is really no other way to describe it) and I was not sure what it could be, I continued to drive on the road till it passed directly in front of me and crossed my path. At that moment, rapid flashes appeared in front of my eyes, where I saw a man being tortured. I drive home as fast as I could, with tears pouring down my face. I felt as though I have seen in these flashes, not an actual depiction of course, but what my mind can interpret as Christ being tortured.

During the following months, I was graced with, as crazy as it sounds a sort of Passive ESP (Which I could interpret as a form of intuition or clairvoyance. I can best describe it as having another set of ears and eyes, a la a second sight). Over the last few years I have had many dreams with religious overtones and symbolism that they went hand-in-hand with events that were going to happen in my life in the near future yet only a few which preceded events on a global level.

My parents and friends were very concerned when this all started six years ago as I was grasping to find answers on what happened to me on that back road, why I stopped playing video games and lost interest in other hobbies and started to read the bible among other things. I am currently diagnosed as having schizoaffective disorder and always have been on great terms with my psychologist and my psychiatrist.

I apologize for sounding delusional or unnerving in this post or to vent “my crazy”. That was never the intention. I posted this on your great website for a few reasons. One was for suggestions on books to read that could help guide me in my life or books that delve deep into Christianity…I have already read a few books by C.S. Lewis, Pope John Paul II, St. Augustine, the Dalai Lama, Lama Surya Das, Tich Naht Hahn among other great authors through the years that slip my mind at this moment. If anyone would have suggestions for books by specific authors, books in the public domain, or personal favorite Christian inspirational books that may be at my local library I would greatly appreciate it.

Another reason why I posted, was possibly a few other ears to hear and help me comprehend or come to terms with some of my experiences (possibly through the forum’s message system).

As I am writing this I feel it is in my best interest to not add more of my experiences on this thread because I do not want to come off as someone craving attention, a heretic, or asking to be verbally abused. I am most afraid of getting banned from your website because it seems like a good home for those seeking answers and discussing Christianity without discrimination/persecution.

I would not mind posting more experiences if the replies on the website seem mostly positive or interested. It would be a welcome change to have some of my tales heard by Christians. =)

Thank you all for reading this post. Any suggestions on good Christian literature, messages, and any replies will be greatly appreciated. Take care all and God Bless.


Look up anything by Thomas Merton. He was a Trappist monk who exchanged great dialogue with the Dalai Lama.


Thanks for the suggestion Living Stats! I recently watched a video about Thomas Merton on Netflix after seeing that he commented about an author of a book I just finished reading. Something to look into for sure, just gotta find one of his books that really sticks out.


Have you tried speaking with a priest about these things.

Hopefully you could find one with great discernment that could help you focus your prediliction toward the spiritual in positive transformative ways.

It is very healthy that you do not wish to call attention to yourself.

Many priests will work in consort with psychiatrists (I have personally only known one). That would be a wonderful way for you to procede if you could make it work.


Hiya InspiritCarol.

Maybe 4 years ago I made an appointment with a Rabbi at a local temple, asking for guidance and told him some of my experiences. He was a really good guy but he suggested I talked to priest that was Roman Catholic.

I traveled to attend services with a priest I remembered him from my childhood when I was a altar boy at my local church. We talked a few times after some of the Sunday services while I attended his church for a few months. He seemed reluctant but more so in a rush to continue his day. I don’t hold anything against him, he is a great priest. He really left me with positive memories from my youth.

My one professor from college, who taught Death and Dying, and Buddhism, guided me to his one friend who is a psychiatrist that works with people with mental illnesses who claim to have had religious type experiences, I think. He offered to take me to a Buddhist temple with my professor but I declined politely. That sort of pushed me to read about other world religions but never turning my back on what I am, Catholic.


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