I can't attend RCIA, any hope for me?

I am very drawn to catholocism, but my wife refuses to go to RCIA and because of my school and work schedule, I am also unable to attend RCIA any longer. Having been raised protestant, my wife finds the catholic church to be “weird and idolatrous” with it’s use of statues and intercession of saints.

My wife makes me feel very guilty for wanting to become catholic, but in my heart, I am already catholic so I cannot feel at home in a protestant church.

My question is: if I am unable to attend RCIA, and my spouse won’t ever become catholic, what hope is there for me to ever become catholic and receive sacraments?

I would suggest speaking with a local parish priest about the situation and requesting guidance and spiritual direction. I would be open about this with your wife and ask for her understanding and prayers. You are in a very tough situation but not one that is entirely unusual. Scott Hahn, Tim Staples, and many other prominent converts have all gone through similar things. You might consider picking up a copy of “Rome Sweet Home” or “Crossing the Tiber” which detail stories of conversion from protestant backgrounds.

You might also remind your wife that the first few months of RCIA are a period of inquiry where you are just learning what the Church teaches. No commitment on the part of anyone is required or expected. Perhaps if things are explored in a manner that is open and non-committal, she will feel more comfortable with your attending and may even think about it herself.

I wish you the best.

Peace of Christ,


welcome home

call the priest and make an appointment, share your difficulties and your story, and together you can get creative, and and the same time get some pastoral counselling on how to proceed without hurting your marriage.

Actually, if I recall, RCIA was originally intended for the unbaptized. If you are already baptized properly (Trinitarian formula), and you feel you know the Catholic faith enough to make an informed decision to join, then you should ask the priest what it would take to accept you into the Church now. Explain the difficulty you’re having with attending RCIA, etc.

Also, explain that your wife has problems with it, but that you’re praying for her (you are, right?).

BTW, you should know that according to Church Law you don’t have to go through the RCIA course if you’re already a baptized Protestant.

Definitely talk to the priest at the church where you’ve taken RCIA classes. It’s likely that he’s already dealt with the same situation many times, since it’s not so unusual for a spouse to be opposed to conversion. My husband was also opposed to my conversion, and didn’t even want to attend my baptism, so I was alone, except for my sponsor and her family. But I’m so glad I converted! Explaining my situation to the priest at the time, he said to not push Catholicism on my husband at all, which turned out to be good advice.

I know it’s a huge cross for you to have to bear, but your wife may eventually come round to being converted herself someday, though it could take awhile.

In a case like yours Iwould assign a individual to give you instruction and to meet with you on your schedule. Since each persons journey is different, this is certainly an option and something we have done a number of times.
As far you wife, perhaps when you get furher into your instruction that you can explain to her that there is a difference between have an image of a person, like a photo to remind us of them and a golden figure that someone worships as a god.
We also understand that the connection between those who have died and the living remains. Saints are made saints based on miracles attributed to them, that connection between heaven and earth. Once again we do not worship saints, but pray that they may interceed for us with the Lord.
Your commitment to the faith can lead her as well.

Please speak to your priest… if you can find a traditional parish in communion with the Church (diocesan Latin Mass, FSSP, Institute of Christ the King) - they often receive people into the Church without RCIA, you just meet with the priest to talk, for preparation :slight_smile:

if you don’t have this option, - speak to the priest because he might agree to just meet with you outside of RCIA to go over the program. Hope it works out :slight_smile: pray for an opportunity.

God bless

This only works in some cases it is up to the priest to decide.

A good book to read is “Rome Sweet Home: Our Journey to Catholicism,” by Scott Hahn
It will give you some courage and faith as you discern and pray for your wife.

Better yet get Dr. Hahn 's conversion story video and play it for your wife.

Don’t despair.

People change. Right now your wife is convinced that the Catholic Church is not a real Christian church.

But in a few years, after observing your good behavior and attitude, reading more about the Catholic Church (she may read when you don’t see her reading), and seeing how the local parishes preach the Gospel, your wife may do an about-face.

The Holy Spirit is working in her life as well as yours, but in her case, it’s just taking longer.

Definitely talk to the priest for advice on what you should do. From what I have heard and read, you should not delay becoming Catholic just because your wife is not ready yet. You need to attend to your own soul and trust the Holy Spirit to work in your wife’s soul. But I might be wrong about that. Your priest should be the one to help you make that decision.

Again, don’t give up! A few years can make a huge difference. We’ve seen people in our family convert, and we’ve seen people that we thought would never take Catholicism seriously now attending Catholic Masses, Bible studies, and reading Catholic books. My mother in law is a firm believer in prayer to the saints, although seven years ago when we first converted, she scoffed at all Catholic doctrines.

As stated please talk to the priest. He can help you.

Also, go to youtube and watch Tim Staples Blessed to be Catholic. This is his conversion story and it’s very informative and interesting. He addresses most all the stumbling blocks, including the one’s mentioned by your wife.

Welcome home.

There is always hope. Faith Hope and Love. To make a very long difficult story short, I was on the other end of my marriage. I wanted nothing to do with any organized religion specifically the Catholic Church. God will work on your spouse, as he worked on me. It took 13 years after I was married to find the truth, but it happened.

God bless.

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