Up until so recently I was very, very strong in faith. I loved God with all of my being and doing so transformed my life. I loved to pray the rosary, loved the Mass, loved so many other things on earth as a result, as well. Until I started reading. I found many books, internet sites, etc. that have, as terrible as this sounds, caused some major, major doubts which I can’t seem to expell no matter what I do. Now my faith seems ridiculous. My belief in God seems formulated, the idea of having God in my life totally impossible. I feel terrible, can’t enjoy anything properly now that I’ve had these thoughts. These points below in particular have caused me awful sadness and doubt. I’ve heard all these things from books, websites, atheists, etc, but no matter who tells me otherwise, it has entered my mind that what they say just has to be true. Here are the issues that I’ve been confronted with:
- The idea of a monotheistic god simply evolved out of the earliest, polytheistic perceptions of God. People’s lives were changing–they just had a new idea about how to deal with it. The Bible wasn’t inspired by the holy spirit; it’s a made-up story. There is no way to differentiate between a story someone made up from something inspired by God.
- Jesus never died for our sins. That idea was formulated by the apostles who, shocked by his murder, struggled to come up with a reason for its taking place. They never saw him ressurected.
- The Holy Spirit does not exist. The apostles simply decided that some remnant of the savior must have come to them–otherwise, who would be there to guide them?
- Christianity can’t be true because so many people lived prior to the birth of Christ. Are they all going to hell?
- Christianity is derived from pagan religions centered around the sun. Christ’s birth, death, and resurrection are all based around the passage of the sun during the year. I’m not actually too clear on this one, but it’s troubling no matter what.
- God is what we use to stop being afraid of death, nothing more.
I’m so sorry to post this stuff, I just really need help. I’m not trying to offend anyone. I feel like I have nothing, no one, no God looking after me and loving me, no one praying for me, and as if nothing, ever, will change my mind, short of divine intervention. I need someone to show me something that will dispell these thoughts and doubts and help me get my wonderful faith back. Without it, I’m absolutely nothing.