I cant find a catholic mate


After answering a post with the words “My sisters husband is non practicing” I anticipated replies like ‘Why would she marry and have children with a lapsed catholic. It got me thinking again about how being roman catholic in some parts of the world, makes it harder to meet a future husband/wife.
As children, we were aware of the fact that there were no other catholics in our main area. Our friends laughed and made us feel a little embarrassed (as young children obviously). Then dating became another area where one felt different. Brought up to want to marry a fellow catholic, it would have been easier to find a needle in a haystack. I dated very nice men but not wanting to marry a non catholic, ended any future plans. So much so that my first serious relationship has occurred at age 37. And even he has been married before. (not in the church). For my sister also. At 33, she met a non practicing catholic and honestly felt she’d hit the jackpot.
Just to give you an idea of being catholic where i grew up and still live. In our catholic school, my mum was horrified that i didnt know what catechism was, had never seen a bible in school and learned about birth control. No one in my class went to church. No one i met at uni was religious.
My mum reminded me that England is not a catholic country(shes irish). But in fact in our county/state, no religion exists. To be called ’ the bible bashers’ as kids for simply going to church should give you an idea. I have travelled around the uk with jobs, and experienced exactly the same.
Just to finish. My dad used to joke that he could count in a second, how many people were at Sunday mass. We would all wait to see how long it would take him to mention the number at church this week. Somehow it doesnt seem funny anymore.


Do you have a spiritual director? He can help you know that your vocation is marriage instead of religious life.

If your vocation is marriage, start praying to find him. Go where Catholic men are - call your Diocese and find out about events (not just “singles” events) - go to conferences and to retreats whenever you can.

Is there “Theology on Tap” near you (google will help you find it).

Maybe a SD center like Opus Dei?


I am 33, getting married to a 39 year old this year. Don't give up hope :) I think our "advanced age (LOL) is a plus...we really know what marriage is, what it means, and fully appreciate everything that goes with it. We are going in eyes. wide. open. No fairytale nonsense.

And great suggestion re: theology on tap, kage_ar!


As a community shrinks and scatters (like the Catholic Church in Europe), you have to place yourself in situations in which the faithful gather. Kage_ar give some good suggestions there. But if parishes are really disintegrating at the rate you imply (I’ve never been to England so I haven’t experienced how bad it is), I’m guessing there aren’t too many Catholic social events to meet eligible men at. The online Catholic community may be your best bet. You may want to try Catholic dating websites, although you will most likely have to be open to travel and perhaps a permanent move if you find a lucky suitor.


Hi vstead,

Try joining church groups/events in your parish. Sometimes they even have catholic singles groups. If you join a group join for the intention of belonging to that group and what it stands for, not to meet a mate. It will bring you into groups of like-minded people. It will enhance your faith and who knows, maybe you'll find somebody. Never give up hope. I will pray for you and your vocation (whatever it may be).

"Pray, hope and don't worry" :)

-Padre Pio



I just realized I am echoing Kage_ar and novaslasher but let's call it re-enforcing it. ;):o


It is painful to have faith and no one to share it with, both in the sense of not being able to find a Catholic spouse and also in the sense of there being a lack of a strong Catholic community where you live.

Have you explored opportunities to get involved in your parish? Even if you already know that “Mr. Right” is not among the parishoners, at least you can experience fellowship with them. Surely the parish has bible studies, service opportunities, social activities, etc. If not, I would make an appointment to visit your parish priest. Tell him what you explained to us here, and ask him where you can find a strong Catholic community to be a part of.



For what it’s worth: I met a very like minded non denominational Christian. We married and she eventually converted (on her own mind you) to Catholicism. We’ve been married 22 1/2 years.

Food for thought. :slight_smile:



I know how you feel. Even though I'm an American, and our nation is (at least used to be) a Christian nation, I can't find a Catholic woman who shares my beliefs and my views. I do have a girlfriend, who is unfortunately a protestant. It daily breaks my heart but I do truly lover her. She is most assuredly the best friend I have ever hand and could be the one for me.

Anyway, never give up hope. I know it seems like you will never find someone, even a friend. I was in that same boat. Also, remember if you stop looking and struggling and simply place your heart into the guidance of the Holy Spirit, you'll be directed where you need to be. I know my words may sound trite, but they are true. I was desperately searching for someone to be with for several years. But when I finally relaxed and simply put my trust in God that His will be done, I found my best friend. While it is very true I have no idea what God has in store for me, I do know that she is meant to be in my life.

Something else you can do,
Remember to daily invoke St. Raphael the Archangel. He is the patron of those seeking someone. Daily invoke him, and never fail to. Faith is rewarded, this I know and truly believe. You should also invoke St. Anthony of Padua and St. Joseph, the foster father of Christ. I recommend daily recitation of the Never failing prayers to these saints.

Oh St, Joseph, who's protection is so great, so strong, and so prompt before the throne of God. I place in you all my interests and desires. St, Joseph assist me by your powerful intercession and grant me all spiritual blessings and favors through Jesus Christ our Lord. So that having engaged below your heavenly power I may offer thanksgiving and homage to the most loving of fathers. Oh St. Joseph, I never weary of contemplating you and Jesus asleep in your arms, I dare not approach while he reposes, please kiss his fine head for me and ask that he return the kiss when I draw my dying breath. St Joseph, patron of departing souls, pray for us.

Oh Holy St Anthony, gentlest of saints, your love for God and Charity for his creatures made you worthy when on Earth to possess miraculous powers. Encouraged by this thought I implore you to obtain for me (insert favor here). The answer to my prayer may require a miracle but you are the saint of miracles. Holy St. Anthony, who's heart was ever moved with human sympathy and compassion for those in trouble or anxiety, please whisper my petition into the ear of the sweet infant Jesus, and the gratitude of my heart shall ever be yours.
Follow with and Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory Be.

I'll be praying for you. I understand your struggles.


you mentioned travelling to other places in the world to find many practicing catholic men…

… I can suggest the Philippines…:slight_smile:


Or, you could try clogging up a drain.

Then, you would have to call a plumber. There are supposed to be a lot of Polish plumbers in Britain (from news reports I’ve heard), so try to find one whose last name ends in “ski”, “cki”, or “wicz”. There is a good chance that he will be a practicing Catholic, as Poland and Ireland have probably the highest rates of practicing Catholics in Europe.

Or, try to find a population center where there are a lot of Polish immigrants and go to Mass there. If there is a course in the Polish language offered, look into it.

Dobra noc!


You'd think it's so easy here, you would. :p Oh, you mean there, not here. Wouldn't know.


[quote="chevalier, post:12, topic:184893"]
You'd think it's so easy here, you would. :p Oh, you mean there, not here. Wouldn't know.


Maybe im tired. I dont understand


Thank you all for your kind words. I should clarify that i am madly in love with the aforementioned guy (who’d been married before). After initially ending it because of this, i found out that because his marriage ceremony was not held in the church, and he’s now civilly divorced, although not ideal ( he has a 12 year old son) I’d already fallen for him, he’s now attending mass with me and we have a good chance of being married in the church. The title was misleading as it was supposed to be an open statement. I did experience this difficulty as did my siblings. That was my point really. I appreciate your thoughts and advice and have several nieces and nephews to pass it on to.


It was a bit of an inside joke. His ancestors were Polish and I *am *Polish and live here (most people are from the States, but there’s a couple of exceptions). I was basically taking a jab and telling him it wasn’t guaranteed with Polish folks, either. That’s around 30% attendance, who knows how many within this ration being willing to forego premarital sex and contraception. Still, a church where immigrants go could be a good place to meet someone. The chance is bigger than somehow suddenly meeting an eligible bachelor at work in a (quondam) Protestant country (bring back the Stuarts! errr… that’d be the Duke of Bavaria right now)…


Well this changes everything. :slight_smile:

Because of this there is a good chance of him getting the “marriage” annulled. If he loves you as much as you love him he will look into it. I’m no authority on the rules for annulments but I’m sure you can contact your bishop (or consult a priest). The fact that he has has a 12 year old son means nothing (from what I understand).

Good luck, friend.:slight_smile:



Gotcha. And im glad you mentioned premarital sex and contraception. Ive dated men some catholic who found my views on this ‘unbelieveable.’ I was a fashion model by trade. I was told that i was a lesbian, an oddball. As a model, i must enjoy being ‘a tease’ In your youth when you see everyone else doing ‘it’ and wanting to do it, you start to question whether you are ‘normal’ whether what mum and dad taught you was 'old fashioned. I mean, i knew no-one other than my family who was like-minded. Then as we all know, we reach an age when we know whats right and go from there.


Thanks Mr Fireman. Now, can you tell me what a 'cafeteria catholic is?


A Catholic who picks and chooses what they like and what they don't like about what the church teaches. Like one would do at a cafeteria. I think the phase was coined by Pope Benedict XVI. If I can find it I will post it for you or better yet send it to you (I don't want to wander from your original post).:)


I was wrong. It wasn’t the pope who coined the phrase. But here’s a link for the term:


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