I can't find sorrow for this sin

#21

[quote="joandarc2008, post:20, topic:199768"]

Now possibly God knows what is best. You need to take care of your health - you may not be able to carry a baby to full term with your medical issues. One thing at a time.

[/quote]

We realize this. But I would gladly give my life for another soul to be born into this world! :heaven:

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#22

John 8

10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

11 “No one, sir,” she said.
“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

Jesus is capable of forgiving your past sins. You need to learn to do the same. There are plenty of great people who have committed worse sins than you have. Your ability to sin does not exceed Jesus’ ability to forgive. Forgive your self, and strive to do better in the future. Do not dwell on the sins of your past.

You already know all this deep down. Do not let your negative thoughts be your master. This is your current sin, and the one you now need to repent of and to leave, just as you have abandoned your earlier sexual sins.

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#23

prolifewife, question for you.....

does your husband have the same regrets/guilt about the sinful aspects of your relationship before marriage?

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#24

[quote="prolifewife, post:19, topic:199768"]
So after two more years I made a general confession thinking I didn't get all my mortal sins in. Did it help? For a little while, but of course I'm back to doubting if I confessed everything or got all my mortal sins in and their nature and circumstances and all right. So I am thinking of making another general confession to try to get this all in.

[/quote]

If you believe in the Church, you must believe in what she teaches. And one of the things she teaches is that if you make confession, and unintentionally omit mortal sins, they are absolved anyway. You are already forgiven and absolved! :extrahappy: Making another general confession will make no sacramental difference. It may make you feel better, but I would discuss it with a priest beforehand, because you want to make sure that you are taking the sacraments properly.

--Jen

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#25

[quote="shannyk, post:23, topic:199768"]
prolifewife, question for you.....

does your husband have the same regrets/guilt about the sinful aspects of your relationship before marriage?

[/quote]

I think he did earlier on, but he feels forgiven for them now.

Is that what you were asking? :confused: :o

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#26

[quote="NoAvailableName, post:22, topic:199768"]
John 8

10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"

11 "No one, sir," she said.
"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."

Jesus is capable of forgiving your past sins. You need to learn to do the same. There are plenty of great people who have committed worse sins than you have. Your ability to sin does not exceed Jesus' ability to forgive. Forgive your self, and strive to do better in the future. Do not dwell on the sins of your past.

You already know all this deep down. Do not let your negative thoughts be your master. This is your current sin, and the one you now need to repent of and to leave, just as you have abandoned your earlier sexual sins.

[/quote]

Thank you for this! I love that scripture passage. :heart: I try so hard to believe it, it just hasn't gotten there yet. :(

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#27

[quote="revert_jen, post:24, topic:199768"]
If you believe in the Church, you must believe in what she teaches. And one of the things she teaches is that if you make confession, and unintentionally omit mortal sins, they are absolved anyway. You are already forgiven and absolved! :extrahappy: Making another general confession will make no sacramental difference. It may make you feel better, but I would discuss it with a priest beforehand, because you want to make sure that you are taking the sacraments properly.

--Jen

[/quote]

Again, I try to believe this, but I'm always finding something wrong with my confessions. It's OCD, but my sick brain tells me it's me. Sick brain usually wins out unfortunately. :(

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#28

[quote="prolifewife, post:19, topic:199768"]
I met my now husband. He liked me and accepted me from the beginning. Mental, physical and spiritual problems and all. I was so in shock that I was actually loved and accepted by a man, I let everything else slide. Our relationship was sinful from the beginning. We were both so desperate for love that we gave into lust and sin and repeatedly committed fornication, contraception, and cohabited. I kept making confession after confession trying to get out of this sinful rut. This after having studied the religious life. I felt so dirty, so evil, so bad. I felt God must be so very mad at me, must hate me even. I knew it wasn't the best choice to marry a protestant man, but again, didn't care much what God thought, after all, none of the catholic men worked out. So we planned on marriage. In the church of course. ;)

Fast forward a year. We finally were married in the church. Everything that was so sinful before was now beautiful and sacramental, so it was supposed to be. But all I could remember was the past. The horrible sinful past. So after two more years I made a general confession thinking I didn't get all my mortal sins in. Did it help? For a little while, but of course I'm back to doubting if I confessed everything or got all my mortal sins in and their nature and circumstances and all right. So I am thinking of making another general confession to try to get this all in.

Anyways can you see why I think God is punishing us with infertility? For all the bad and sin we committed before marriage. For marrying a protestant man after I knew full well it was best to wait for a catholic man. For not getting further treatments or tests for the infertility. For not trying our absolute best and hardest to beat it. For failing God in so many, many ways. It's just so hard. I feel like dirt, and I don't think I will ever get over the shame of it all, the scandal it caused, and after all God had done for me. I'm a total failure for the third time. I just don't think I'm ever going to get over it all. :crying:

[/quote]

First of all, I want to express my sympathy for what you are enduring right now. :(
To your 'confession' of past sins, I want to point out that Jesus is the most perfect revelation of God's nature that we humans have been given, and that Jesus is the One who reached out to us in our suffering and blindness. Jesus' parable of the prodigal son describes how God waits for us and welcomes us home with joy. God is not looking for an opportunity to punish you, nor does He feel any vindictive pleasure at seeing your pain. God does not hate you, but you already know that, right?
Also, I would like to point out that so, so many dating and engaged couples struggle with chastity issues prior to their marriage. You are not alone in having committed sins against chastity. In fact, my husband and I fornicated, contracepted, and cohabitated prior to marriage. But God was patient with me and I am learning later in life (still not that late, but late in comparison to cradle Catholics) what God intended for marriage and proper use of sexuality. Now I can see how damaging those sins against chastity can be, but I would never assume that my personal suffering today is my just punishment for my previous sins. I don't believe you should assume your present suffering is punishment for your sins, either. That is not how I understand Catholic teaching on God's nature and the existence of suffering.
And again, I ask you what I asked before and what a lot of other posters have said: How do you know that God did not send your husband to you to be the balm for your wounds and the spouse who could attend to your needs? It sounds to me like your husband is wonderful to you. Why in the world do you assume that you should have waited for a Catholic instead of marrying this good Protestant? Yes, I understand that he sinned right along with you prior to marriage...but so what? You were weak in your desire for your husband-to-be, and he was weak in his desire for his wife-to-be. You felt sorrow for your sins, you confessed and were absolved, life goes on. None of that means that you shouldn't have married him. At least in marrying him you were choosing to turn from sin and follow God's plan for relationships and sexual intimacy.
ProLifeWife, you have been such a great encourager to others here at CAF, and this is why I have responded to your thread so much today. It tears my heart up to think of someone as kind as yourself having such thoughts. You really seem to be thinking you are worthy of being punished in the worst ways by God. But God loves you, your husband seems to adore you, and despite our sins and our mistakes, God wants to bless us and have us find happiness in Him. Is there any way you could go talk to someone today or tomorrow, a professional or spiritual counselour who could help you see the flaws in your thinking and help you turn your thoughts to what is real and good and true? Because you just really seem to need someone authoritative who can correct this obsessive train of thinking. I hope you can talk to someone really soon. You will be in my prayers, dear.

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#29

If the Church believed that it is a sin to marry a non-Catholic, the Church would teach that. Catholics who want to marry each other have a right to do so. Catholics who want to marry non-Catholics must get permission from their bishops. That doesn't mean that marrying a non-Catholic is wrong. It means that the Church has to have a chance to confirm that all parties know what they're getting into, so that the marriage will be valid. In the end, what the Church wants for you is to have you married to someone who will not be an obstacle to the practice of your faith. It seems as if you have found a non-Catholic Christian who is a help. Good for you! Your husband is a blessing, no wonder you can't feel sorrow for having found him!

Catholic couples find they are infertile all of the time. It can be a huge trial, but it is not a punishment from God.

"At that time some people who were present there told him about the Galileans whose blood Pilate had mingled with the blood of their sacrifices. He said to them in reply, "Do you think that because these Galileans suffered in this way they were greater sinners than all other Galileans? By no means! But I tell you, if you do not repent, you will all perish as they did! Or those eighteen people who were killed when the tower at Siloam fell on them--do you think they were more guilty than everyone else who lived in Jerusalem? By no means! But I tell you, if you do not repent, you will all perish as they did!" Luke 13:1-5

What did Our Lord mean by this: these people weren't being punished, yet their deaths should be taken as a warning? He meant that we all need to be ready for an unexpected death. We should keep our eyes on the next world, not on this one. Whenever we are confronted with a trail, we do best to leave behind "why me, Lord?" as soon as possible, and turn instead to, "How do you want me to serve you in this situation, Lord? What do you want of me today?" Our Lord warns us that any of us could find ourselves in a "why me, Lord?" situation, on any day. For that reason, He warns us to cultivate a "What do you want of me, Lord? Not my will, but yours be done" attitude, instead. That is, we need to conform ourselves to the mind of Christ.

Ask your therapist and spiritual director if either can be of any help in finding you their successors. They may have some leads for you, anyway.

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#30

[quote="SMHW, post:18, topic:199768"]
Thank you, Lord, for sending such a wonderful man to prolifewife.:gopray2:

And thank you for giving her the good sense to marry him.:gopray2:

[/quote]

This is so beautiful. Thank you :hug3:

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#31

[quote="EasterJoy, post:29, topic:199768"]
Whenever we are confronted with a trial, we do best to leave behind "why me, Lord?" as soon as possible, and turn instead to, "How do you want me to serve you in this situation, Lord? What do you want of me today?" Our Lord warns us that any of us could find ourselves in a "why me, Lord?" situation, on any day. For that reason, He warns us to cultivate a "What do you want of me, Lord? Not my will, but yours be done" attitude, instead. That is, we need to conform ourselves to the mind of Christ.

Ask your therapist and spiritual director if either can be of any help in finding you their successors. They may have some leads for you, anyway.

[/quote]

Yes!!! This is what I am saying, too! Very well said.

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#32

[quote="prolifewife, post:19, topic:199768"]
I

Lo and behold, just a few months after the second worst period of my mental health history, I met my now husband. He liked me and accepted me from the beginning. Mental, physical and spiritual problems and all. I was so in shock that I was actually loved and accepted by a man, I let everything else slide. Our relationship was sinful from the beginning. We were both so desperate for love that we gave into lust and sin and repeatedly committed fornication, contraception, and cohabited. I kept making confession after confession trying to get out of this sinful rut. This after having studied the religious life. I felt so dirty, so evil, so bad. I felt God must be so very mad at me, must hate me even. I knew it wasn't the best choice to marry a protestant man, but again, didn't care much what God thought, after all, none of the catholic men worked out. So we planned on marriage. In the church of course. ;)

Fast forward a year. We finally were married in the church. Everything that was so sinful before was now beautiful and sacramental, so it was supposed to be. But all I could remember was the past. The horrible sinful past. So after two more years I made a general confession thinking I didn't get all my mortal sins in. Did it help? For a little while, but of course I'm back to doubting if I confessed everything or got all my mortal sins in and their nature and circumstances and all right. So I am thinking of making another general confession to try to get this all in.

Anyways can you see why I think God is punishing us with infertility? For all the bad and sin we committed before marriage. For marrying a protestant man after I knew full well it was best to wait for a catholic man. For not getting further treatments or tests for the infertility. For not trying our absolute best and hardest to beat it. For failing God in so many, many ways. It's just so hard. I feel like dirt, and I don't think I will ever get over the shame of it all, the scandal it caused, and after all God had done for me. I'm a total failure for the third time. I just don't think I'm ever going to get over it all. :crying:

[/quote]

A couple of thoughts on these paragraphs...

I don't think God is punishing you. He isn't into S&M, or at least I hope not.

I going to paraprase Fr. Corapi here, he says, "Why does God allow bad things to happen? So that a greater good can come of it!"

As far as not being forgiven, if you gave your confessions your best shot, you are forgiven. No if's, and's, or buts. But it sounds like your mental issues are getting the best of you.

Have you found a regular Spirtual Director to speak with?

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#33

Here is my two cents after reading many of your posts. I am a convert, was a Protestant married to a Catholic. At thirty (last Year) I had the revelation that the Catholic Church was the truth and where I belonged. I would have never guessed that in all my life that I would become Catholic, but it happened and I and my wife and better for it. My wife never mentioned to me that I should convert, but I found it all on my own. Your husband may be Protestant, but that does not mean after time that he will not convert to the Catholic Church? Does he ever attend Mass with You? Do you ever discuss the Catholic Church/Protestantism with him? I think that topical, serious discussions can open one’s eyes to the truth. Also, just because at this time you cannot have children have you tried to volunteer? It seems that you have love for children/people and helping them, but through volunteer work you can help so many needy children. I think that we are all called to suffer certain things through life, but there is so much good that you can do that can really change a child’s life. I wish you the best, God Bless. :highprayer:

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#34

Thank you for the words of Fr. Corapi. They are reassuring.

I hope I gave my confession my best shot, but what if I some how didn’t? This is the unquenchable fire that is OCD. In our minds we are never going to get it right and we have little chance (if any) of making it to our coveted heavenly homeland. I had a great spiritual director. But he can no longer see me as he’s had to move on to other duties. :frowning:

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#35

I am a convert, but my life before being baptized was bad. I'll just leave it at that. For a L O N G time I really, REALLY struggled with believing that I could possibly have been forgiven of those sins. In confession I asked my priest about it and he told me if I wanted to I could do some penance but that it wasn't necessary (especially for me because I was not only forgiven, but relieved of temporal punishment due for those sins. Baptism is awesome! :thumbsup:), and he didn't recommend it. I listened to him and struggled with it nonetheless. My now mother-in-law and I were talking about this one day, and I told her how much I was struggling with feeling as though I was forgiven. She knocked that feeling right out by telling me that this was a sin of pride, and that I was perilously close to the sin against the Holy Spirit. NO sin is too great for God to forgive, there is NOTHING that He cannot forgive. Please, believe your confessor when he gives you absolution, do the penance, and avoid sin in the future. Your confessor is acting in Persona Christi, trust that Christ knows what he is doing.

For what it's worth, there are times when I'm still tormented by my past. If the thought comes up I dispell it with a prayer. My personal favorite to use at this time is the Our Father, because it is long enough to distract you but not so long that if the thoughts keep coming that you can't say it over and over. I recommend something of this sort.

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#36

[quote="prolifewife, post:34, topic:199768"]
Thank you for the words of Fr. Corapi. They are reassuring.

I hope I gave my confession my best shot, but what if I some how didn't? This is the unquenchable fire that is OCD. In our minds we are never going to get it right and we have little chance (if any) of making it to our coveted heavenly homeland. I had a great spiritual director. But he can no longer see me as he's had to move on to other duties. :(

[/quote]

I can understand your OCD, and it is making you doubt your confession.

I am not a doctor nor a theologian, but a couple of thoughts come to mind...

Continue to work with your therapist/who ever is treating you for OCD. Hopefully, this will help ease your mind.

Secondly, I God knows how troubled you are. Have faith in him and the Sacraments that you are forgiven. This is hard, especially your conditions.

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#37

I don’t think you should feel bad about being in a mixed marriage. If it was sinful, the Church wouldn’t allow non-Catholic Christians to marry Catholics and wouldn’t acknowlege two baptized individuals marrying as a sacrament! It’s my understanding that the Church discourages mixed marriages with other Chistians because if you aren’t a strong Catholic, you may be likely to leave the Church or have difficulty raising your children Catholic. Theoretically, it’s easier to avoid conflict and division in a family if there is only one belief system. I married a Protestant, and he converted to Catholicism (he’s more devout than I am, too). So I see that as a blessing for me, because he makes me a better Catholic and appreciate the faith I grew up with, and a blessing for him because he was brought into what I believe to be the One True Church! Amazing! God has blessed you with a kind and supportive husband. Don’t feel guilty. :slight_smile:

Also, God is love! He is not punitive. Forgive yourself, He has forgiven you. If you doubt in His mercy, you admit that God is not powerful enough to forgive you of your sins, and I am sure you don’t believe that! :slight_smile: I am sorry for your infertility and personally believe that suffering is part of God’s plan to teach us something not punish us, however uncomforting that may be for all of us. Peace.

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#38

Oh and I forgot to mention that during my marriage prep the priest, my husband and I had a talk about raising our future children. We agreed that it was alright for them to attend both. Meaning, they come every Sunday to mass and receive all their sacraments in the Catholic church. However, they could attend protestant service, in addition to--not in place of;), the Catholic mass.

I was hesitant to agree to this, but I did. Now I regret it and often think that maybe we don't have children because I gave in to much to allowing them to attend protestant service with their father. :(

And for all those who said "see your spiritual director/therapist" I cant, because they are both leaving me! I have no one to turn to right now and finding a good therapist match is hard. Finding a spiritual director willing to put up with my mental issues, is near impossible. :(

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#39

[quote="prolifewife, post:38, topic:199768"]
Oh and I forgot to mention that during my marriage prep the priest, my husband and I had a talk about raising our future children. We agreed that it was alright for them to attend both. Meaning, they come every Sunday to mass and receive all their sacraments in the Catholic church. However, they could attend protestant service, in addition to--not in place of;), the Catholic mass.

I was hesitant to agree to this, but I did. Now I regret it and often think that maybe we don't have children because I gave in to much to allowing them to attend protestant service with their father. :(

And for all those who said "see your spiritual director/therapist" I cant, because they are both leaving me! I have no one to turn to right now and finding a good therapist match is hard. Finding a spiritual director willing to put up with my mental issues, is near impossible. :(

[/quote]

Your therapist has not recommended someone for you? You have to start your search NOW. I am concerned that your issues are beyond the scope of any advice any of us can really give you. You have so many issues right now that need attention, you're going to have to be proactive.

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#40

Oh don’t worry I am. I know I can’t do this alone. It’s just it takes so much time to find good understanding therapists, let alone Christian ones. My therapist said she would try to help me, but being in the south, Catholics don’t abound. Catholic therapists? Needle in a haystack.

And you’d be surprised how many priests are uncomfortable around people who have mental illness and even more won’t take on such a person.

Mental illness is a long, lonely road. My husband is a saint for taking this on. I’m not sure I would have taken me on! :o

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