For so many years, masturbation was the only thing that gave me happiness.
Without it, I am in a constant state of malaise and boredom. I work 20+ hours (more than 30 lately) at a minimum wage job (retail).
Why does masturbation have to be a sin? It’s not fair.
I’m ugly. I won’t get married. And deep down, the only reason I would get married is to have sex, which wouldn’t be right, I suppose. I don’t really want children.
I’m 21. So I’m supposed to spend the next 60 years denying myself sexual pleasure? I just have to be miserable constantly? Go to work EVERYDAY wishing that I could have an orgasm when I get home, but not being able to? It’s ridiculous.
It would be awesome to be able to masturbate. Having to go to work/school wouldn’t seem as bad. I’d be happier. (Same thing with the marijuana.)
I want to be an atheist again so I can at least enjoy some marijuana and masturbation when I’m not working. I really, really do.
There’s probably not much you can do to help. I may leave the faith. Decades without an orgasm…give me a break!
I think you already know the answer. It’s not the masturbation that is so much the problem, it’s the lack of meaningful interests in your life. if your ‘other interest’ were not something sinful, you still wouldn’t have a fulfilled life with so little to occupy your leisure hours.
It’s up to you to seek out other meaningful things to do. It may sound trite, but from personal experience things like sport or exercise, study, community service activities and so can enrich your life a lot.
This is a good answer, plus it sounds like you need counseling and may have a sex addiction. The frustration you are describing – namely, the level of fixation you have on orgasm – is not normal.
Please talk with someone about this, and cultivate more enjoyable hobbies and interests. For example:
playing musical instruments, games with people to socialize (e.g. video games on internet, board games with friends), reading (history, philosophy, educational fiction, theology, science), painting, drawing, music composition, talking with friends, coworkers, and neighbors, listening to music – there are many ways to spend your free time and bring pleasure and fulfillment to your life. The pleasure that accompanies marital intimacy is not necessary for someone living a single life.
People who become habituated to regular masturbatorial release have a difficult time breaking the chain. Like other posters suggest, finding new interests might help. While you struggle to break free of this destructive habit (which can at the time feel natural and necessary), know that the ‘mortal’ degree of this sin is mitigated by your habituation:
*Grace MacKinnon, a contributor to the Catholic Exchange, writes:
“The Church recognizes, for example, that in the practice of masturbation, psychological factors including adolescent immaturity, lack of psychological balance, and even ingrained habit can influence a person’s behavior, and this could lessen or even eliminate moral responsibility…If they are in doubt about the morality of any sexual activity, a person should talk to his or her confessor, a priest. After listening to all of the circumstances and conditions surrounding an individual’s actions, he will make a judgment and give the proper guidance.” 3*
Getting involved in your parish and community are excellent ways to find joy in your life. As a chronic masturbator who knows the habit to be wrong, in his heart, and who wishes to be free of it - I’m telling you, man, there’s more to life than wanking. So much more! There are people out there whom you can laugh with, drink with, enjoy Mass with.
A men’s group is a good place to begin with. I’ve been going to a men’s group that meets every Monday evening during the fall and spring. We talk about things relevant to our lives as men. We eat together. It’s called “That Man is You”; there may be a chapter in your area. If you’re willing to do the research and work, maybe you could even start your own chapter if there’s none in your area.
If nothing else, finding “fellowship” among other Christians - I mean Protestants - could help you see that people, especially who love God, are fascinating. I want to be free of masturbation and pornography so I can be a better man for them, for the Church, and for myself. I would be happier without it.
First of all let me say that I feel your pain. I myself am going Cold turkey from masturbation addiction. It sucks. When I read your post, I could feel the pain. I used to think I was ugly and that no one would want me either (still feel this way sometimes.) I have to ask why do you feel this way? There are plenty of people who feel ugly who really aren’t bad looking. Unless you are the elephant man i’m sure that you are just like most people. Even if you were “ugly” in the way the world is remember that in God’s eyes you are not ugly.
Secondly I worry about you thinking that you won’t get married. Have you actually discerned this? Or is this just how you feel because you’ve been rejected so much or haven’t tried to date anyone? I understand its hard for men sometimes because we have to do the asking, and all of us no matter our gender are called to chastity, but at the end of the day this is what God requires of us.
I also have to say that in going through these struggles you need to realize that its Satan wanting you to stumble and fall so he can steal you away from God. The evil one wants to convince you that you are not good enough. This is the sin of despair and I believe that despair is where Satan takes a lot of souls. I don’t know what you need but try things to raise your self esteem and also try to look at yourself as God sees you. If you look through the lenses the world has provided you will only see where you come up short.
As for becoming atheist so you can jerk off and watch marijuana. This is the evil one convincing you that you aren’t good enough for God and that without him you can satisfy your desires through sinful means. I really encourage you to maybe start working out, find good hobbies, watch read and listen better material instead of typical tv and internet junk, and find a good spiritual director. You sound like you are just lacking in self esteem and through that you feel the only way you can have pleasure is through masturbation. Also you are wrong to think masturbation and marijuana will give you pleasure. While most masturbation myths are false, it is addicting and coupled with porn can ruin your life. Don’t turn your back on God just because you feel you can’t find a woman and need these outlets to fulfill yourself
One last thing. You do not need to orgasm. Plenty of people have gone without it. I’m going to get a little more harsh here, but here it goes. You will not die or be unhappy or depressed if you do not have sex. To me sexual frustration in most people is all in their heads. Honestly i’m assuming that since you are working part time that you have a lot of time on your hands. You need to find things to do to get your mind off of your body. Even then learn to control yourself . Find ways to do this. You will not end up having problems if you don’t have sex. Sex is not needed to have a fulfilling life. Sadly though i’m sure your mind has been poisoned by today’s culture and thinks that if you have that itch you need to scratch it. This is so not true. If you are single for the next 60 years of your life, find other ways to fulfill yourself, especially if they are ways that are good like through your work or through church or friends or what have you
I speak from experience on this-When we let go of orgasm as our false idol we can stop masturbating, but it takes time. The same goes for overeating, smoking, drinking, drugs, etc. These are our false idols and we are their slaves. When we are attached to something, anything we are its slave. To have real freedom is to be able to make the choice to do or not to do and not be obsessed with the idol. That is a liberating feeling to be able to choose to do or not to do. Life is so much more enjoyable when we become more free. Blessings.
You’re only 21 and you’ve already resigned yourself to a lifetime of loneliness, masturbation, and marijuana?
I had barely even kissed a girl before I was 23. Now I’m 47 and have been married for 19 years and have three kids.
Even if you don’t want kids at 21 (how many guys are seriously thinking of starting a family at that age? Aside from the Duggars, that is…) how do you know how you’ll feel at 30?
And I don’t believe that the only reason you want to get married is to have sex. If that’s the case, then don’t bother to get married. (believe me…there’s a whole lot more in marriage than sex…and a whole lot less sex in marriage…:D…sorry, bad joke).
Ok firstly where is it defined in Dogma that masturbation is sinful? The sin of Onan? Very different. God has intentions behind things and it is not always to the exclusion of other purposes. While fruit is good to eat, it is at the same time a great source of potassium. So is my use of a banana for potassium, and not its flavor or food benefits, a misuse of my banana?
2352 By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. "Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action."137 “The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.” For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of "the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved."138
To form an equitable judgment about the subjects’ moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety, or other psychological or social factors that lessen or even extenuate moral culpability.
So all Catechism is Dogma? This is approved ex cathedra? or defined by council? And in that catechis teaching outlined this alone is suspect. ‘‘The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose’’ False. To say that sexual gratification by the release of Dopamine (same neurotransmitter released when you eat) is contrary to it’s purpose is to say that to add salt to any food without having the intent of increasing my sodium levels is contrary to morality. God can intend for dual use of something, which yes can be abused (I can add more Salt than healthy) but it is also intended, by God, for enjoyment by the palate. So is having an unhealthy drink that is flavorful, and not nutritious or healthy, misuse?
Looks have nothing to do with it. My brother has a gorgeous wife who is a college professor. He was bald and fat when he met her and he’s still bald and fat but happily married. I didn’t marry till I was 32. I doubt anyone wants kids when they are 21! But my two have been the joy of my life. My youngest just turned 21 and I was 37 when I had him.
My great grandmother used to say "Idle hands are the devil’s playground’. You don’t have enough to do and you don’t see much to look forward to. You are bored and feel unfulfilled. Only you can change this situation.
Give of yourself! Volunteer or take up a hobby. Oh, and the best place to meet women is at a horse show. Try taking riding lessons, lots of places will trade work for lessons.