I wanted to post a message because I am hoping to get some help on ideas to save my marriage. First, allow me to give you some background:
I cheated on my wife about 5-6 weeks ago. It happened only once, there was no sex, just some “making out,” if you will. After this happened, I told the “other woman” that I made a huge mistake and that I was sorry for even remotely leading her on. I went home and prayed about it at first and then I made what could have been an even more fatal mistake: before seeing my Priest, I confessed EVERYTHING to my wife. I sobbed, I cried, I pleaded. I realized how much I disrespected my marriage and I realized that my actions were not only destructive to my family, but an abomination to the Lord. I saw my Priest, I’m seeing a Psychologist and I often talk about the situation at my Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. My wife, however, has chosen not to forgive me.
I understand her hurt. I really do. I am in no way excusing my actions. We’ve only been married two years and we have a 1 year old son. I know what I did was shameful and I have spent every moment since repenting, confessing, pleading for forgiveness.
I don’t really know why this occurred, but it doesn’t change the fact that I did what I did and there are no excuses for it. I know that I am alcoholic and I had “fallen off the wagon” earlier that evening, before I chose the path that I chose. That is no excuse either, I’m just trying to give you an all-around understanding of the situation.
Now, I’d like to ask how to proceed from this point on. My wife has taken our son to her parents house and doesn’t think it would be “good for me to see him very much” right now. My wife is a Southern Baptist and her father is a Southern Baptist pastor. I went to their church and met with another S.B. Pastor for a therapy session at the request of my wife. When I informed the Pastor that I went to a Catholic Church, he jumped all over me about how Catholics are not “Saved.” He also talked about how my wife is a “believer” and I am a “nonbeliever” (my wife isn’t Catholic). He painted a dark picture and then basically tried to convert me. I resisted, telling my wife that I am willing to do “almost anything” to fix this, but this was beyond the pale. So, as you can see, this situation is complicated on many fronts.
I could make a million excuses for my actions, but they’re empty. I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that I wronged my family. But now, I just want a chance to have them back. She wants a “trail separation” where I rarely see my son. My boy is more important to me than I could ever explain in words. This is killing me, minute by minute.
I’ve tried to understand why I did what I did. I have owned everything to my family and to the Church. I pray constantly. Nothing seems to be reaching my wife. Her and I had a rocky marriage, perhaps, to begin with. We’ve only had sex four or five times since my son was born (He’s 13 months old now). We don’t go out and spend time together by ourselves and we’re sometimes just living in the idea of marriage, without doing the work.
Sadly, it took these horrible actions on my part to make me realize how much I love my family and how I never want to be without them. I keep praying, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat and I can’t stop crying. I just don’t know what else to do. I don’t want a divorce, a custody battle, any of it. I want my family. My wife seems to be using our son as a shield or as a bartering tool and it is killing me.
As I said, I know I was wrong. I will eternally ask forgiveness for this. However, I assure you, there was no sex at all, no feelings, no repeat contact, just a stupid, careless, thoughtless five minute exchange. I can’t believe that my wife thinks it is unforgivable. This is breaking me. I’d do anything to earn her trust, sans abandoning my faith and becoming a Southern Baptist.
Any help you can provide or any prayers you can offer would be greatly appreciated.
Yours in Christ,