I do?


#1

I have a little paranoia about marriage. When my sister was dating, her boyfriend was so unbelievably crazy about her. They got married, and after about 6 months his love-sick devotion VANISHED. I haven’t heard him complement her since, and he gets annoyed at her when she calls him.

This scares me. I want to meet someone who will love me forever, but how do you if your sweet and attentive future husband is only temporary in his affections? Isn’t there such thing as a man who is crazy about you before, and after marriage? :confused:


#2

There’s absolutely such a thing as a man who’s crazy about you both before and after marriage. But, that craziness changes over time, which is a good thing. I’m madly in love with my husband, and he with me (he tells me that all the time :slight_smile: ) but it’s not in the same way as when we were first married. It’s better. The honeymoon phase is all about each other, you can’t keep your hands off each other, have to be together constantly. Then it really deepens into something else; real love, I think. It’s more quiet, but deeper, if that makes any sense.

So, don’t worry about getting married; make sure, that the guy you marry is the right one. You’ll have problems and disagreements, because everyone does, but if you truly love and are committed to each other, you can work through them.


#3

There is not such a thing as a person who worships you day and night, forever and ever, no matter how you treat him. Well, maybe there is, but unless it is reciprical, I wouldn’t wish that on any guy I know!

Marriages have ups and downs. But is there such a thing as a man who will treat you as well after marriage as when you were courting? No guarantees, but sure there is.

Will your choice be one of those guys? The best way I know to find one is the following: look at how he treats those he already has “in pocket”, especially his mother, and look at how his dad treats his mom. Those are your best indicators. Also, look for someone whose friends and family are people that you like, too, someone that gets on well with your friends and family, too. If you don’t, you’ll both have a tough row to hoe. Once he’s over the initial infatuation, he’s likely take your low opinion of his hand-picked friends very personally, and vice versa.

If your parents had a bad marriage, if you’ve never had the chance to see a great marriage up-close, then you need to make an extra effort to get yourself into a mature and giving frame of mind. If they had a good one, though, and if you marry someone whose parents had a good marriage, you are off to a good start.

Also, remember that you never know the whole story about what is going on between married couples. Don’t let that scare you. Give your sister another person to lean on, hear her feelings and let her vent without taking sides, and chances are that her marriage will right itself down the road. (That’s when you’ll be glad you didn’t pile on your BIL when she was grousing about what a louse she married!)


#4

I guess I’m having doubts because of the guy that I’m currently seeing. (I think I’m seeing him…it’s still pretty new.) He’s leaving for 2 weeks, and today I realy hoped to see him. He was supposed to come to a dance lesson with me but it was cancled. He didn’t suggest any other kind of way to hang out because he said he was broke. :frowning: If he really cares about me wouldn’t he think of something?


#5

[quote=Stylus]I guess I’m having doubts because of the guy that I’m currently seeing. (I think I’m seeing him…it’s still pretty new.) He’s leaving for 2 weeks, and today I realy hoped to see him. He was supposed to come to a dance lesson with me but it was cancled. He didn’t suggest any other kind of way to hang out because he said he was broke. :frowning: If he really cares about me wouldn’t he think of something?
[/quote]

What did you suggest?


#6

I just asked if he wanted to do something else. When you really like someone anything seems fine. How 'bout getting some coffee and talking for a while?


#7

[quote=Stylus]I just asked if he wanted to do something else. When you really like someone anything seems fine. How 'bout getting some coffee and talking for a while?
[/quote]

Alright. If it comes up again and he’s broke, maybe you could suggest “Let’s just have coffee. I’ll buy” or “Then come over here and we’ll have a cup of coffee or something”.

Some people just aren’t very good at coming up with Plan B. My current husband actually had to spend some time “mourning” Plan A before we could even think of a Plan B! Although he’s over it now, that was something I decided I could live with. Maybe getting stuck being the “cruise director” is not for you… it all goes into finding someone who’s a good fit.


#8

[quote=Stylus]I guess I’m having doubts because of the guy that I’m currently seeing. (I think I’m seeing him…it’s still pretty new.) He’s leaving for 2 weeks, and today I realy hoped to see him. He was supposed to come to a dance lesson with me but it was cancled. He didn’t suggest any other kind of way to hang out because he said he was broke. :frowning: If he really cares about me wouldn’t he think of something?
[/quote]

He wouldn’t necessarily think of something. Guys can sometimes be shy or old fashioned. I know when my husband and I were dating, we spent a lot of time just hanging out on campus talking or eating off the dollar menu of the local fast food restaurants. We could be eat for 5 bucks. It sounds like you are really insecure about his leaving. Always remember that old saying, “If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it is yours to keep. If it doesn’t, it was never yours to begin with.” I know it is rather cliche but sometimes we just have to trust that things will work out. My husband and I went through a period of several months without talking or seeing each other before we decided we would actually start dating. In the very beginning, he assumed we were seeing each other but I didn’t want any part of it because I was on the rebound from a previous relationship.


#9

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.