I love Jesus the Lord and Savior, I love the Holy Spirit my comforter, I love Mary who has led me to the relationship I have now with Jesus and The Holy Spirit…yet I have a big stumbling block that truly grieves me. I am unsure about how I feel about God the Father almighty creator of Heaven and Earth.
I see God as this scary force who is always ready to turn from me when I make a mistake and sin, I never feel worthy enough to pray to Him except when it is in the context of traditional prayers like the Lords prayer.
This morning after the rosary I began to cry(literally) asking God to show me what the barrier in my heart and mind is. I do not hate God, I know God sent Jesus out of his love for mankind yet other than that I feel like trash before Him. I read the old testament and God seems like a violent vengeful being who allowed the tree to even be in the Garden that got us to our sinful state.
I want to love God the Father so I can feel more at peace, instead of this fear that He will never listen to my prayers. Am I in sin for these feelings?