I Don't Know What to Do Anymore...........


#1

We have a son that is 19 yrs old that needs alot of prayers. He strayed from the church and from us. He wants nothing to do with the church and nothing to do with us as his parents. I really think that he was influenced by his friends. (not trying to make excuses here) He’d rather be with them and be able to party without having to follow any rules. We haven’t seen him in about 3 months. I constantly send him messages on his phone or call him and he won’t answer his phone or answer back the messages. I just don’t know what else to do.
My 9 yr old made 1st Communion Saturday and I sent him messages and I called him and called him. Not only did he not go but he finally sent a message with ugly vulgar language. Language that I would never use much less to my parents. :frowning: I was in tears Saturday night about this.
Dh tells me that I should just leave him alone. That I should not send him messages anymore.
When kids act this way, don’t they know how much they hurt their mother? :frowning: I just don’t know what else to do but place him in the Lord’s hands. What else can a mother do?


#2

I am very sorry this is happening.

Yes, I agree with your husband to just stop emailing, calling, messaging. The more you do it, the more it will drive him away. In fact, completely ignoring him may be what he needs to snap out of it.

Just pray for him, and continue to leave the door open. He will eventually come back. Be like the father in the story of the Prodigal Son. Be ready to embrace him with open arms and love him when he does come back.


#3

I’m in tears now.
This is exactly what my husband said. He said that the father of the prodigal son did nothing but pray and that we should do the same. Do you realize how hard this is?
I wish I could look at him in the eye and ask him “***do you realize how much you hurt me by preferring your friends and your party life than us your parents?” ***ugh!


#4

I am so sorry to hear this. You may send him photos of the event, this may make it more real to him how his absence was palpable. Keep him updated but in a non emotional way and more of a matter of fact way. This is a heavy cross to bear for your family I am sure. Keep in mind that teenagers change their tune very often, and hopefully this too will pass.:slight_smile:

Praying for you


#5

I know it’s very difficult for you.

No-- teens do not know how much they hurt their parents. That is a very self-absorbed age. They are a hormonal roller coaster. They are trying to assert their independence. They are trying to fit in with their friends. They are trying to figure the world out.

Pray to St. Monica & St. Augustine. St. Monica prayed for St. Augustine to mend his ways for a long 20 years. Her prayers, and her example, were instrumental in his conversion.

There isn’t much that you can do. I know you want to do something, but sometimes “nothing” is that something. It’s hard. You can’t fix it. You can’t make him snap out of it.


#6

Oh wow, you should talk to my mom! some of my siblings cause her greaf 24/7. Sometimes, being a mother is like being Mary. Didn’t the man in the temple tell her that seven swords would pierce her heart? or something like that.

I’m not a mom yet, but from watching what my mom has gone through with her wayword children, I can sympathise.

I believe your husband is right. One thing that I do know about teenagers is that they crave attention and reactions. Your sending him notes, calling him constently may just be feeding the fire. I know it breaks your heart and it’s vertually impossable to do nothing. But I would ask you to offer the suffering you feel from not being able to talk to him as a sacrafice for his conversion. and like others have said, be like the father in the story of the prodigal son when he does come back. He will come back. Even if he only comes back because he needs something, he will come back. When he does, let him know through yoru actions that him comming back is what will get the attention an dreaction he so craves. It seems to me that teenagers are no different than todlers in this way. They are starved for attention and will do anything to get it, bad or good.

I will certainly pray for your family.


#7

Something else that we just found out is that his girlfriend is pregnant with his child. He’s only 19! ugh! I truly want the best for him and now especially for that baby. I hope with all heart that he is responsible to this baby. I don’t know what else to do or say as far as this situation. Don’t know whether to call the girls mother or what.
My heart just aches! :frowning:


#8

Of course he knows how much that hurts you-that is why he is doing it. Time to , as the saying goes, let go and let God. Put him in the hands of the Lord and quit trying to contact him.


#9

Your son is 19 years old. That makes him an adult. He is now responsible for his own life, his own decisions. Let go the apron strings. Remember, you gave him to God at baptism. Let God worry about him.
Most people go through a period of “rebellion” where they question or discontinue religious practices. This doesn’t mean they don’t believe, only that they are trying to find their own path. Up until now he has been following your path.
Don’t send him any more messages. He may not contact you for a long time. Perhaps for years. Just be there with a welcome when he drops by. Ask him how he’s doing, not what. You are now his older sister, not his mother.

Matthew
Father and big brother of four adults.


#10

I am so sorry for this - what pain it must cause you.

I want you to know that when I was drinking and using I was pretty horrible to my mother. But when I got sober one of the first things I realized was that my goals in life had never been to grow up and break my mother’s heart. It was alcoholism and drug addiction that took me over the lines that I KNEW I should not cross.

Please pray and pray and pray for him…St. Monica and Matt Talbot are good prayer buddies. Perhaps you could look into Al-Anon for you and your family so you could all learn to love him without letting him suck you down into the abyss of despair.

You are in my prayers and my heart…


#11

BTW, I also hope you and your husband are not supporting him and his behavior financially. If he wants to act like a man and make all his own decisions, then he has to pay for them! If you are giving him money, you are just helping him be horrible to you. And especially now that he has a child on the way, he needs to be responsible for that. Hopefully the girl will grab him by the you-know-whats and let him know what time it is in that respect.

Prayers for your son and your family! I am a pretty tender-hearted mother too, and I know this kind of thing from one of my children would just tear me up. I am so sorry.


#12

I agree with everyone else, that there’s not a lot you can do right now but pray, pray, pray.

However, I do think it might be appropriate to contact (or try to) your son’s girlfriend to see if she needs anything. Not that you have to support her financially or anything, but that she knows that you are a person who cares about her child and that she can turn to for comfort, encouragement, etc. She may not be getting that from your son, and she may be very freaked out right now.

If you are there for the girlfriend and the baby, that may end up being the key back into your son’s heart as well. Who knows?


#13

I’m terribly sorry to hear this…I have a 14 yr old son, and my heart would ache (and break) should something like this happen.

May I ask…do you think your son is addicted to drugs/alcohol? If so, then it’s the drugs/alcohol talking (not to make excuses either) I mean, he has the choice, but drugs can be very captivating…and if he is addicted, then he is not fully aware of the pain he might be causing you and your family-because he is not ‘himself.’ Just curious if this has crossed your mind?

I’m praying for you.:frowning:


#14

It has crossed my mind but I really don’t know. I pray and hope that he’s not.
I’m debating whether to go to his girlfriend’s house and talk to her mother about the baby, to tell her that we know now and that we are here for the baby.
I want to thank everyone for the responses and for the private messages some of you sent me. It makes me realize that we are not alone, that we are not the only ones in a situation like this. I appreciate everyone’s prayers most of all.


#15

How old is the girlfriend?


#16

TexRose,

A priest consoled Saint Monica by saying:

“it is not possible that the son of so many tears should perish.”

I pray for you and we can ask Saint Monica for her intercession. Her patience and praying for 17 years had been answered. Her son, St. Augustine, became very holy one.

catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=1

Search more on Saint Monica, you will find good info about her.

God bless.


#17

First, I would be certain that the mother KNOWS about the baby - her daughter may not have told her. Perhaps the contact the girl first?


#18

Oh my goodness! That’s the BEST advice! If she has not told her parents, and you’re the one who does, you could end up completely severing you relationship with your son!

TexRose, may God bless you through this trial, and may the Holy Spirit posses you when you speak about this to anyone. Pray for your son’s guidance. Enlist the intercession of Saint Joseph, your son’s Guardian Angel, and especially Saint Monica.

There is a chaplet to Saint Joseph that may help. Also, there is a memorare to him as well:

Remember, O most chaste spouse of the Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who implored your help and sought your intercession were left unassisted.
Full of confidence in your power I fly unto you and beg your protection.
Despise not O Guardian of the Redeemer my humble supplication, but in your bounty, hear and answer me. Amen.

PRAY! Your son will not make it through this well without his mother’s prayers. He’s not making you know how important you are to him, so you just have to KNOW that you are. A mother’s prayers for her son are truly powerful.

It must be incredibly difficult to back off and watch your beloved child make bad decisions, and also have him treat you as your son is treating you. I pray God grants you the strength you need to come through this difficult time!


#19

She’s twenty yrs old.
I doubt the mother does NOT know. From what i’ve learned she knows the sex of the baby already. Isn’t it 4 months at least that they are able to tell what the sex of a baby is? It’s been too long for me to remember exactly. But yes they know that it’s a boy.


#20

Thank you very much! I appreciate your words of wisdom. I will continue to pray for him. I LOVE my son and it’s been hard not seeing him these months. I told my husband that I feel a void in my heart and I miss him!


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