I am so frustrated. I don’t even know where to start. I just don’t know how to trust in God anymore. When I do it doesn’t seem to work out. We decided to have a baby two years ago even though DH was starting out on a new career path and money wasn’t guaranteed. But God had always provided - He would provide here too because we were doing His will, growing our family. Well, that career path didn’t go so well. It was OK, but not quite enough for us to live on. So he started a new career path while also working parttime at the old one. This one isn’t working out too well either in my opinion, although DH says he’s “100% positive it will work out fine”. He is so sure had had me so convinced that we thought it would be a wonderful time to try for another baby. God would provide, right? Wrong! We are both losing out faith and our trust in God. We are doing what we believe to be right - living by all the teachings of the Church, growing our family, not using daycare, passing on our faith and bringing more lives into the world. WHY DID GOD GIVE ME THIS NEW LIFE BUT NOT HELP MY HUSBAND PROVIDE FOR THAT NEW LIFE? We don’t live extravagantly. We have a two bedroom townhouse, and are not moving any time in the near future, even with a second baby on the way.
I guess I have to go get a job. But with a pregnancy I don’t know how I’m going to do it. Do I have to disclose that? No one is going to hire someone who’s having a baby in 9 months. And I simply CANNOT put a newborn in daycare. I cannot. I can’t go back to my old job for various reasons. There aren’t that many jobs available for me - I was a poli sci major and worked in politics. The opposite party is in power now and they won’t hire someone who worked for their predecessor. Heck, I can’t even get the clarical jobs b/c I can’t type 40 wpm.
I’m sorry this is so long. I know I’m rambling. I know part of it is early pregnancy hormones, and I am probably overreacting. I just feel really lost right now. I am so tired from this pregnancy. I haven’t been sleeping well, then today when DH lost a deal I just broke down.
I don’t even know if this is the place to put this, but I thought it would be nice to talk to all my friends in familylife/parenting.