I’m not really sure I’m anywhere near ready for this step yet so I’m not quite sure what I’m asking.
I grew up Anglican (in England), my Father’s a vicar but basically I lost my faith in my teens, around 19, and have only recently started to learn about my own faith again. I’ve been reading a pile of books and have really engaged with it academically. I can’t engage emotionally with anything and whenever I pray I have nothing to say.
I started using the rosary which has taken some of the pressure off and I don’t feel so stuck for words now lol… for years I’ve been very anti-catholic and now that I’ve been learning about it I feel kinda trapped by how people knew me to be, it would be a shock to everyone. I haven’t been to church in over a year. I don’t know how to start going to church again and I’m not sure how to begin attending a Catholic church.
on a basic level: I wouldn’t know what type to attend or what I’d feel better with. I’d be nervous in case i never knew what to do and say…
on a more complicated level I’m still struggling with Marian devotion in a big way, I struggle with SSA (all linked from when i disagreed with natural law…and then a lot of things fell like a pack of cards) and I feel that in a protestant church I’d be allowed that to be private (even though that’s why I don’t go to avoid communion) but as a Catholic I’d have to admitt things in confession… I’d feel like i was letting my anglican family down, especially my Dad… and I’m not sure how to enquire about RCIA and how i’d get on there.
It’s been on my mind since september and I’m not sure I’m even ready to do it in even the near future but I wouldn’t wanna jump too early but at the same time I’m aware that I have an endless supply of questions and if I answer them all I’ll be drawing my pension lol. I’m afraid that my academic reasoning has replaced the faith i used to have when i was younger.
sorry I rambled, I’m not quite sure if this is in the right place but I’d be grateful for ideas, Take care.