I don't think I can bear it


#1

My mom has been diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. It has spread to her bones and lungs. I was doing some research on the internet and it looks like this is incurable and that a person is not expected to live longer than 24 months. I'm 17, turning 18 in july. I'm also in college but I don't know how I will live without my beloved mother. I don't think that I am closer to anyone on this earth except my mom. How do you live with this weighing down on you? How can I ever be happy again knowing that I will never be able to ask my mom's opinion on something, share with her my achievements or have her see me get married and have children? She is more upset over the fact that we are upset. When the doctors told her she said "How can I tell my family?" When we went into her room all she could do was cry and say "I'm so sorry." I feel that if she dies, I will be so alone. I have no friends except one and she lives kinda far away. I feel so devastated. How can I even be around my mom without thinking "We don't have much time left?" To know that maybe all this could have been avoided by a double mastectomy in the first place is killing me. My life just seems to get worse and worse.


#2

Filios,

My heart goes out to you. :console:

I'm so, so sorry for your sorrowful news. I will be praying for you. Your Mom sounds like a wonderful person and I'm sure that if the Good God decides it is time for her to join Him, that she will continue to pray for you and guide you throughout your life. Even if it feels that way, you will not be alone!

Your cross seems so unbearable right now, but try to talk to Jesus and ask Him to help you carry it. Also ask Our Lady. She asked the same questions you are asking (How will I go on? Who will I talk to when I need help?) when she lost her husband and Son. She understands your pain.

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone fled to thy protection, implored thy help or sought thy intercession was left unaided. Inspired by this confidence I fly unto thee, o virgin of virgins, my mother. To thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions but in thy mercy, hear and answer me. Amen,


#3

filios,

My heart goes out to you, and your mother. It sounds as if your mother understands that this part of our life is a passing time, for which we hopefully make the best of it. May God give you the strength to grow as an adult as to give the support to others that your mother has been able to give to you. That gift from her may be a true blessing to your life.


#4

Oh sweetie, my heart just breaks for you both. Please know that I'll be praying for you both.


#5

filios, I’m sorry to hear about this dx. It is a rough one no doubt. I was late stage 3 testicular, met in lungs and lympths. It got around one kidney, but did get in, hence the late stage. My aunt lived with 2 stage 4’s for a few years, but it was a real hard fight. All I can say is healing comes in many different ways. Let the Dr.s try and heal the body while you help her heal mind and soul. Pray the Divine Mercy chaplet when possible and prepare yourself for this fight. Just being there is enough, holding a hand.


#6

praying for you....


#7

I'm so sory filios. :hug1: I will include your mother in my chaplet of Divine Mercy, and I highly recommend you pray it for and with her. There is a link in my signature if you're not familiar with it. :hug1:


#8

God damn, Filios, that is some bad news right there. I would be cursing like a mad man if I were to lose my mom right now. The only thing I can tell you is what I would do: I would spend time with my mom by staying by her side in her struggle with breast cancer. I would enjoy every moment I had left with her. I would try see other doctors for their help. I would try to prepare myself and my mom for death by going to the Sacrament of Reconciliation. I would take joy and pride in going to Holy Communion. What I’m saying is that I would put up a fight for my mother and I would prepare ourselves for the death to ease the eventual heartache. Thank you for informing this community of your situation in life. Know that many of us care about you and your mother and that you are on our thoughts. May the Lord Jesus Christ keep you and your mother in him.

Testimony: Yesterday, Friday, my cousin went in for surgery on her breasts as she too had, although early stages, breast cancer. I prayed for her well being that everything turns out fine and it did. Jesus Christ and a good team of doctors and nurses and support staff made it possible.
Bless.:o


#9

Tears in my eyes... I will pray for you and your mother and your family.


#10

I'm so sorry that you and your mom are going throught this. I lost my mom too but I am much much older and the idea of her not having her around sometimes makes me feel like I'm a little girl and lost. I had about 2 years after my mom's Dx and that time was a blessing. Some people don't get that time but either way I believe that God is in charge and knows what he is doing. Trust in in His Mercy, lean on it; pray the chaplet of Mercy and pray it with your mom.

I will share one more thing that a friend told me: She said that she would probably be selfish and make her mom comfort her. I understood what she meant. She didn't mean be selfish all the time but she wanted her mom to do what moms do: make it better. Now, I come from pretty stoic stock and I'm pretty independant (or pretend to be:o). I didn't know how to do this exactly but my mom appreciated "being there for me" in whatever way she could including stroking my hair while I cried with my head in her lap. And I told her I would be okay (and tried hard to mean it). It's pretty hard to put that on a public forum, but there it is.

You all will be in my prayers.


#11

:( :( :( I'm so sorry i can relate my grandma who i loved just like a mom and she raised me since i was young passed away from lung cancer, and please don't do what i did and deny God or blame him try to get closer to God and he will make you happy and you will be in prayers :signofcross: and may God give you strenghth and the Blessed Mother pray for you


#12

I am so sorry for you, your mother, and family. My prayers go out to all of you.


#13

:grouphug: We are all so sad for the shock and sadness, and the terrible sense of anxiety and loss you feel. I hear what you’re saying. My mother died when I was around your age, and I felt many of the losses you do and will. And they are very real and painful losses. Surgery in time would also have saved her life and we would most likely have her still. I understand how it is to regret that, as you do.

My Dad died a year ago, and my sister said, as he too, struggled with bone cancer and lung cancer,
"Remember, we are only saying good-bye to one person, Dad is saying goodbye to many loved ones."
Your mother is the one who is saying goodbye to several people. She is parting from you and all her loved ones on earth, against her will, and with a mother’s great anxiety, and the pain and discomfort of her illness. With all the trauma and sorrow you feel, may God help you to determine to make this about your mother, giving her warmth and hope that you will survive, that you will flourish. As a mother of sons, more than anything, I want my sons to be safe, spiritually and humanly, safe and healthy and happy, and good men. If I were to find I was dying, my concern would be, what if, as has been so often the case, any of my sons desperately need my reassurance, my negotiation, my hugs… and I’m not there to give that. There have been times when I have helped them to survive devastating situations, and frankly, my own health has been damaged by the latest of such situations. I could die in peace if I knew they will be okay.

The illness and death of our dearest ones is about we who will be left behind, but even more about the person who is ill and dying.

May God give you comfort and strength, and enable you to be strong and warm and reassuring to your mother.
I implore the Lord to help you find support and kindness of others to help you through this, and the years to come.


#14

Just want to say I'll be praying for your family. As far as practical advice, if your mom feels up to it, perhaps she could write letters or record videos with advice for you in your future life.

You are not alone. Many people have lost family members to teh big C. It sucks. I miss my grandmother every day and it's been 21 years since she passed on.

Don't treat her as if she's gone already, though. Who knows what kind of medical treatment she may get. She may live a long time yet. hugs


#15

I am so sorry to read about this. Take every day with your mom here on earth as the blessing that it is. Try to put your own grief aside and just be present for HER as she needs you. Pray constantly, God does miracles every single day! Knowing that your mother may be on her way out of this world should make you sad for yourself but happy in a way for her. Don’t forget, even if you can no longer see her and hold her, she will be able to hear you, so talk to her after she has passed away. Make sure someone talks to her about what arrangements she wants, it can be a comfort to know that you are fulfilling her wishes for her funeral. If you have counselors at school, USE THEM!!! your tuition and fees pay for it, please turn to a counselor to help you grieve.

You will be sad when you hit milestones in your life if she is not there. I lost my mother when I was 10, and although I didn’t particularly miss her when I got married, because I was away from the Church at the time, when my first son was born I really missed her, more than I ever had since she passed away. I was happy for having my son, but so sad because I needed my Mommy and she wasn’t there, and my sons would never know her. You just have to draw closer to Jesus at those times. And ask your mom to send you a sign that she is happy and that she hears your prayers. When you get married, you can have a photo of your mother and talk about her at your reception. And when you have children, tell stories of her and talk to her and pray for her every day. Start your kids saying the rosary for her and tell a story about how wonderful she was. They will know her through you.

Focus on the wonderful life you have had with your mother up until now. Don’t let her illness be the memory that sticks with you. Pray to let go of fear and grief, and give your suffering to Jesus. Give it to Mary, remember she lost her beloved Son and knows what grieving is.

I will add you to my prayers.

:console::gopray2:


#16

I am so so sorry, your cross is a very heavy one to bear.

All I can advise is you to ask Jesus to help you carry it, He will be doing this anyway, but pray that in your darkest and most vulnerable moments you feel His presence supporting you. He will not let you down, you will not be alone on this tragic journey, which is essentially your Way of the Cross.

And I know it may sound cliched, but honestly, I'm speaking from experience. I lost a grandmother figure that had raised me from newborn when I was 14 yrs old and I thought my world had ended. For about 15 years I would tear up at the thought of her, at what I had lost, her love and kindness, the bond we shared, the memories I had. I argued with God, demanded to know why He had taken someone so special to me, my only truly beloved family member that I would have gone to Hell and back for, I didn't understand why it was fair that I had been left bruised, broken, inconsolable for so many years. (Tears welling up now).

However, once I re-verted to my faith and began to pray earnestly for Jesus' support and guidance in my life, I saw myself - after time - looking at things from a totally different perspective. Instead of being angry with God for taking her away from me, and despite my continuing hurt at her loss, I thanked God that He had actually put someone in my life that was so special and inspiring and loving and kind and all those things that gave me such happy cherished memories. I was blessed to have her in my life at all I figured.Otherwise my childhood memories would have been cold and lonely, with her they were filled with love and real happiness. If only fleeting.

So I know you're on a different stage of this horrible journey of suffering now, but all I can say is ask Jesus to accompany you every step of the way, and through the pain, you will feel His love, and at some point in the future, you will look back fondly at your treasured memories and thank God that you had such a wonderful mother.

Praying for you.


#17

Thank you everyone for your prayers!!! I just hope and pray for a miracle. I just try to think of Lance Armstrong. He had stage four testicular cancer. It had spread to his intestines, lungs, areas around his heart and worst of all, his brain. He had a 3% chance of living but ten years later, he’s still here. I just pray that this horrible episode ends happily like that.:gopray2::signofcross:


#18

[quote="filios, post:17, topic:244647"]
Thank you everyone for your prayers!!! I just hope and pray for a miracle. I just try to think of Lance Armstrong. He had stage four testicular cancer. It had spread to his intestines, lungs, areas around his heart and worst of all, his brain. He had a 3% chance of living but ten years later, he's still here. I just pray that this horrible episode ends happily like that.:gopray2::signofcross:

[/quote]

We'll be praying for your mom and for you. Keep up your courage and strength!


#19

Thank you for your continued prayers. My mom has passed away tonight. She was such an unbelievable person. Please keep her in your prayers.


#20

[quote="filios, post:19, topic:244647"]
Thank you for your continued prayers. My mom has passed away tonight. She was such an unbelievable person. Please keep her in your prayers.

[/quote]

I'm sorry for your loss, filios. I will remember you all in prayer. Samson


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