I feel a calling


#1

Hello guys! My 2nd post here. I feel like I'm using you guys by jumping straight to questions and stuff. :)

I'm 17 by the way, and I'll soon start my 4th grade of high school (last grade, of course!).

So, like most people here in Croatia I went to RE in school and I got confirmed and such, but was never really into faith. My mom is agnostic (she told me that a few weeks ago, she was Catholic before) and my father's an atheist but he got baptized (maybe confirmed too) to marry with her in a church. My sister seems to be going their way, not taking God into any consideration.

I had my "metal" phase when I was just looking at myself and such, ignoring God (or any possibility that He might exist), and while I generally think about that period as my atheistic period, I honestly think I never REALLY thought there was no God deep inside me.

During my confirmation period and after it, I really changed from my roots. Like, seriously. I started praying, confessing, taking part in the Eucharist and such. And some 4 months ago (roughly, I think) I felt a calling. It was sudden. I can't say on which day it happened, it just... happened. I talked to my priest after a few weeks and explained it to him. He's a great person and there's not a single other priest I trust as much as him. I also talked to a Dominican vocation guide (however you call those!) and explained my interest in their order.

I knew my parents wouldn't take it well, but this was out of the roof. Basically, my father explained how I'm a person who hasn't read many books, perfect to be brainwashed by the evil that is the Catholic church. He strictly forbade me to go to the Mass or be in a church, and that he'd do something to me no matter what happens to him. I was angry at him at first but now I just feel sorry for him rejecting God. I pray for them and for myself.

Of course, I talked to my priest about this and I continue to go to the Mass, it's just difficult. I still make sure I don't lie to my parents (I'm going to a friend's place, stuff like that), and I go to my aunt's flat to change my short pants to longer ones (it's summer, of course). It's hard but I'll live. Also it's a nice adrenaline injection (because my church is 50m from my flat, which is 50m away from my aunt's flat).

One time my dad caught me when I came home in long pants, and told me that I've probably been in the church. Even though I promised myself to never deny stuff like this (because I'd in a way be denying God) I immediately said no. And it devastated me, but I remembered st. Peter and I know God will forgive me.

Another thing that bothers me a bit is this. Now, my mother is a doctor (she specialized family medicine), but I really hate hospitals and stuff. Well, for a year I've had this problem where my muscles tremor a bit (not much, a bit, depends which muscles though). It started in my fingers (I thought it was from my guitar playing, but even when I paused for a few days no change happened) and it slowly spread to most of my body. I also seem to have floaters in my eyes (or rather, eyesight) and it in a way got a bit worse.

What troubles me is, I know God would ensure that a person to which He gave the calling could (even physically)... accept the calling. So I'm wondering, will prayer and confidence in God solve this? Does He wait until I officially accept my presumed calling (by applying to the college and seminary) and then He'll heal me?

Maybe it's a strictly physical thing that'll get healed in a hospital, and He wants me to talk to my mother? Maybe He wants me to talk to my mother about it, and then I'll get healed so my family has me as a live testimony of God? There are millions of options really, and I'm just uncertain and a bit stressed about all of this.

If it's not too selfish, please pray for me, and I shall do so for you too! May God bless you all!

Oh, and I'm still praying and "watching" whether I'm really called. If so, I'll gladly accept God's will.

EDIT: There's quite a bit of text so if I typed something in an unclear fashion, please say so!


#2

Wow, son, you have a lot on your plate.
Conversion is never easy, but you have more than your share of separation.
(My parents were atheist, and when I had my conversion experience, they phoned my sisters, and told them I was certifiably insane)

You have my prayers. I'm sure there are many on this forum who will assist you with prayers and advice as well.

My only advice is the Abide with the Lord, pray much for the conversion of your family, and wait on the Lord. It takes time.

I think the health issues should be discussed with your mom.

Blessings, Peace, Patience and much Love to you, young man.
BTW, your English is perfect. Croatia is a BEAUTIFUL country. I was blessed to spend a week in Split a few years ago and drove all over. At least you have (hopefully) many strong Catholic friends in Croatia who can spiritually support you.


#3

I'm in a similar position, so I know how it feels. I will keep you in my prayers! :thumbsup: :)


#4

My dear brother in Christ Ivane!

(I will write in English and not in Croatian so that others will understand as well. :))
We have similar situations, my parents are atheists and I want to become a priest to. I’m also 17 and I feel that call almost for four years. So do I have problems with going to mass, I was hiding my breviary in all posible places … But, as many priests said to me, trust Him, trust God. Let Him guide you, He won’t forget you, if He wants you to be His priest then you will be.
Parents … I will tell them two weeks before my enter in seminary, until then I will be (I am) connect with my parish, my bishop (who is very supportive) and all faithful through prayer

I will be happy if you’ll write me a PM. :smiley: And pray for me!

Sve mogu u Onome koji me jača! (Flp 4,13)

In Christo, Domino nostro,
frater Sloveniensis Attempto


#5

My parents aren't atheists but when you feel like God is calling you the holy spirit brings great joy to you.


#6

I thank everyone for their replies! I'll keep everyone in their prayers (and if someone has something particular they want me to pray for please PM me, because I think our prayer is our most valuable weapon).

Marlap, Croatia indeed is a beautiful country, and as a matter of fact I do live in Split. As for my English writing, I guess God blessed me with this gift. I hope I'll get a grip on Latin as good as English. :)

And I feel really foolish right now. For if God really wants me to be a priest, why would I worry about my health. I'm going to talk to my mom about it, maybe run some tests, and I know God will do His will, whether it is for me to be cured, keep the possible disease as a personal cross, or be united with Him.

I'll keep you all updated! :)

Oh, and I was reading how people reacted to "being called", and always read how they thought "why me", or stuff like that. Honestly, I'm in many ways overjoyed that God might have picked me for His service on Earth, and I hope it's not wrong of me to feel so!


#7

Ivan, bok. I have a good friend who is a Croatian Jesuit priest. Let me know if u want his contact details. Was in split last Christmas. Nice town. My mom from brac


#8

Bok. :slight_smile:

I’d love to get his contact details (at first I was interested in joining the Jesuits actually, now I’m more of a Dominican guy). I can agree that Split is nice, and I love living here. Hopefully you’ll visit Croatia again. :slight_smile:


#9

Pozdrav Ivane! :)

I think you should definitely see a doctor. God has given us knowledge to put to good use, so there is no reason to avoid medicine and expect a healing from Him. It might happen, but He may leave your treatment to more conventional ways.

I'm so sorry about the way your parents are reacting. Your father probably feels threatened because you have turned out the way he didn't plan. He didn't raise you to be serious about your faith, let alone a priest. I know a couple of (Croatian) men whose parents went nuts when they went to seminary. But things turned out ok. The parents calmed down eventually. Even if you don't get their support, you will get it from the church, and that is what ultimately matters most.

Just keep praying and God will help you get through this.

(Bas mi je drago sto nas ovdje ima nekoliko iz Hrvatske. Nadam se da cemo imati jos prilike za razgovor ovdje na forumu. Srdacan pozdrav!)


#10

Bok! :)

Thanks for your answer. Hopefully my parents won't be ok with it, but will return to their faith. I'm sure God will help. :)

I'll keep you guys posted!


#11

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