If any of you remember my previous threads, for most of this year my husband and I have struggled with the decision to grow our family, having a vasectomy, artificial BC, etc.
We had finally decided against a vasectomy (thank goodness,) and are currently using NFP to avoid until the fall of next year, when we would TTC our third little bundle.
A few months ago, when we were battling with the decision of having a vasectomy (as I was using NFP and struggling with it), we found ourselves pregnant. After the shock wore off I became excited. Then I lost the baby. Based on that experience I felt God was calling us to have another child but this time in our lives wasn’t the right time - when I discussed this feeling with my husband he basically told me he didn’t feel the need to have any more children (as he feels a bit overwhelmed with the two toddlers we have now!) but if I wanted another he would not tell me no, it would be up to me. So I told him, I do feel like we should have another but not right now - so mutually we thought getting pregnant late next year would be prudent due to finances, our housing situation, etc.
Well, here and there he will make little comments about our kids - or kids in general - about how much work they are and things. Anytime anyone tells him about their kids he always makes exasperated sighs - and goodness forbid they have more than 2 or 3 children then his eyes bug out and he actually asks them how they “do it!” It just seems like he is constantly overwhelmed by the little ones and he can’t fathom how other men enjoy their families. I need to say though, that my husband is a wonderful father, he is kind, loving and he does spend a lot of time with the kids! You’d never know his true feelings by watching him with the kids which is how I am so confused right now!
So the other day I asked him after he made yet another comment about kids, why did he get married and have children if he is so unhappy with them! (I was expecting him to deny the allegation!) His response was “Because it’s what you are supposed to do.” He was serious. He didn’t agree to have a family with me because he wanted to, he did it because he feels that is what is expected of him. He knows the children make me happy, which I suppose gives him some satisfaction but I hate to see him be so blase about this, you know??? I wish he wanted our family as much as I do. I wish he could find the happiness in our children like I have.
And what about our future? He told me that he wouldn’t tell me no if I wanted another child, because he understands “you women have needs” and he doesn’t want me to “resent” him and regret not having a third. That is highly noble and I admire him for that. But should I go ahead and plan for a third knowing that he isn’t really a “kid person?” Is that fair?
Ugh I just don’t know what to think about it. I love him, I want him to be as happy as I am. I feel so lost in our marriage.