I feel guilty whenever I pray for a husband


#1

Ok, I’m starting to think that Catholic Answers Forum needs a special sub-forum for singles.

That being said, I want to marry and have children, but whenever I pray for a husband and children, I feel very guilty.

Several reasons.

1 It doesn’t seem very holy to ask God to give you a husband and children.

2 I worry that maybe God doesn’t want me to marry, so I’ll be wasting my time. Or wose, he’ll answer my prayers and I’ll be miserable, since I wasn’t meant to marry.

3 I’m worried that I’ll be a terrible wife and mother, and just make everyone else miserable.

4 To be perfectly honest, a part of me still doesn’t believe that God loves me or wants me to be happy.

I still pray anyway. I also pray for my future husband, and that God will give me the grace to be a good wife and mother. But I still feel guilty.

Any thoughts?


#2

I understand where you are coming from! At this time, for me, I’m leaning for #4. I knopw celibacy isn’t for me. Maybe I’m here so other people will be glad they aren’t me, so they better about themselves.


#3

Why do you feel like you don’t deserve love and happiness?


#4

[quote="CountrySinger, post:2, topic:196072"]
I understand where you are coming from! At this time, for me, I'm leaning for #4. I knopw celibacy isn't for me. Maybe I'm here so other people will be glad they aren't me, so they better about themselves.

[/quote]

I used to have that thought too!


#5

I don’t know. Let me think about that for a bit and then get back to you. Ok?


#6

Haha! I found #1 amusing. XD
Technically, marriage and family are both very holy. The sexual intimacy needed for both of them however, seems to make some members of the Purity-Celibacy crowd very squeamish.

On a serious note though, despite being very confident that I’m called to marry, I have #3 as my worry.

If it’s not the fear of being an overprotective and possessive husband, I’d probably be a very embarrassing father (what with all my geeky hobbies and the fact that I’m taking a college course that only bookworms are said to excel >_<;;; ).


#7

[quote="valient_Lucy, post:4, topic:196072"]
I used to have that thought too!

[/quote]

Ditto. I actually do that myself to cheer people up.

"You think you've got it bad? At least you're not " :o


#8

I can relate to # 3. Part of me would like to be married and share my life with some one…another part thinks 'omg…am I really for that awesome responsibility?? Sometimes I think “I need to get married soon so that I can break out of my selfish flying-solo” habits. Other times it’s like “Kim, stop worrying or you’re gonna make yourself sick” Ya know what I’m saying?

Also, I know I’m going to be one of those over-protective-but-means-well type mother!


#9

I know I would be an awesome wife, I just don’t know how good of a mother I would be. I’m good with kids, but I can be sarcastic at times, but my nephews and nieces like it. I’m just tired of dating and waiting. I have needs and morals God, what is the hold up?! The needs are going to soon overtake the morals. Lol.


#10

[quote="Lost_Wanderer, post:6, topic:196072"]
Haha! I found #1 amusing. XD
Technically, marriage and family are both very holy. The sexual intimacy needed for both of them however, seems to make some members of the Purity-Celibacy crowd very squeamish.

[/quote]

I know! The crazy thing is, I know that marriage and family life is holy. That's what the church teaches, and I believe and profess all that the Catholic Church belives, teaches, and proclaims to be revealed by God. Plus, I felt the holiness of marriage very strongly when I attended a Catholic wedding last year and listened to the prayer of blessing the priest prayed. Still, I don't feel that it is holy to pray for a husband and children, or to want them.

Perhaps it is the sex aspect. It feels sinful to want that, or to pray for that.

Even though, by praying for a husband and children, I'm actually praying for a lot more than that.

"It's not true. But it feels true.

Becky from Sleepless in Seattle.

[quote="Lost_Wanderer, post:6, topic:196072"]

On a serious note though, despite being very confident that I'm called to marry, I have #3 as my worry.

If it's not the fear of being an overprotective and possessive husband, I'd probably be a very embarrassing father (what with all my geeky hobbies and the fact that I'm taking a college course that only bookworms are said to excel >_<;;; ).

[/quote]

Yeah, I worry about that all the time. I think about all the sacrifices I'll have to make as a wife and mother, and I don't think I'm a good enough person to do that.

I guess one thing we both have going for us is we admit that.


#11

LOL!

I think you’d be a great mom, Countrysinger. My mom is sarcastic and witty, and it makes for a great relationship.

I don’t think there is anything wrong in praying for a husband. Just remember to also pray for others too.

(and pray for the really big things-an ending to the genocide in Africa, world peace, and me to finally be able to beat this stupid video game I’m currently addicted too!)


#12

[quote="Rascalking, post:11, topic:196072"]
LOL!

I think you'd be a great mom, Countrysinger. My mom is sarcastic and witty, and it makes for a great relationship.

I don't think there is anything wrong in praying for a husband. Just remember to also pray for others too.

(and pray for the really big things-an ending to the genocide in Africa, world peace, and me to finally be able to beat this stupid video game I'm currently addicted too!)

[/quote]

World peace? Who am I, Miss America?

I did pray that you beat the video game, however.


#13

Lucy don’t fell the least guilty in praying to find a good husband.
Amen to your prayers.
May God lead you to the best person for you and you for him very soon.

Love Trishie.
Don’t give up!


#14

[quote="Trishie, post:13, topic:196072"]
Lucy don't fell the least guilty in praying to find a good husband.
Amen to your prayers.
May God lead you to the best person for you and you for him very soon.

Love Trishie.
Don't give up!

[/quote]

Thanks. I needed that.

:)


#15

If you think you're praying a lot now, wait till you actually *have *a husband!

More seriously, why feel bad about wanting to be a wife?

I used to wonder why it was that no woman wanted me for a husband...what was wrong with me?

Answer: nothing. Just a matter of timing.


#16

LOL! This was very funny!


#17

:rotfl:

So this is what I have to look forward to when I end up married some day huh? :wink:


#18

I can’t explain it, it just feels like it’s very selfish to want to be married. Or at least, a lot more selfish than praying to be a nun or (if I was a man) a priest. Even though I know that a person can want to be a priest or a nun for selfish reasons, it seems less selfish to want to be a priest or nun than to be married.


#19

I don’t see why; apparently, it’s your vocation, and a very noble one at that. Being happily married is quite an achievement, especially these days.

Now, if you’re looking for a husband and kids as some kind of status symbols, or if you think marriage will “fix” you, or if you think God has to send you a husband to prove His love, you’re asking for trouble.

But what could be wrong with wanting to build and share a loving home and family?

–Scott


#20

[quote="srlucado, post:19, topic:196072"]
I don't see why; apparently, it's your vocation, and a very noble one at that. Being happily married is quite an achievement, especially these days.

Now, if you're looking for a husband and kids as some kind of status symbols, or if you think marriage will "fix" you, or if you think God has to send you a husband to prove His love, you're asking for trouble.

But what could be wrong with wanting to build and share a loving home and family?

--Scott

[/quote]

Yeah, it is an achievement these days.

I don't think marriage and children are a status symbol, or that it will fix me. And the reality is, even if I do get a husband and children, I'll probably find another reason to doubt that God loves me.

I try to make sure that my motives are right, and I ask God to give me the proper motives for marriage and a family.

But it still feels as though this is a very selfish thing to ask for.


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