i feel like God has abandoned me

so I’ve been struggling with some issues relating to the understanding of modesty as a lot of you know.

I just don’t get where this confusion comes from. I’ve tryied praying and praying and just get nothing at all.

I feel like God has given up on me and it’s because maybe I’m not doing his will but based on all my confusion in regards to clothes lately, I feel like I might as well give up everything and wear a floor length dress with long sleeves at all times and not have short hair anymore otherwise I don’t meet his standards or something. obviously, I’ve let certain opinions get to me

I mean nothing we wear today would be considered modest in another time periods. no one used to wear short sleeves at all and only in the 20 century did women have short hair, well except for nuns. and skirts have been really long for most of history.

I just don’t know how to get over this confusion. I know this kind of thing shouldn’t matter, clothes are just clothes. it’s all because of original sin that we even need them in the first place, we’ve managed to pervert everything because of sin. I just don’t want to displease God and I feel like maybe I’m just finding excuses because I don’t want to give things up. not that I think I dress immodestly by today’s standards but maybe God doesn’t approve at all. and there’s the warning of Fatima and Jesus about many who walk the easy road to hell. and many popes and saints who had a stricter modesty code then the rest of society. comfort shouldn’t be important apparently and many Christian women are being immodest withouth even knowing it according to them.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t if all these thought are from god or satan. I didn’t think clothes were a big issue until I read some of what people had to say, there aren’t really any saints that criticized people for being too dressed or strict with this kind of thing and it just scares me. thenit makes me judgmental because I wonder what others are wearing and if it’s good enough for god, I really need some good advice or some quotes from saints that have a more balanced view.

sorry for the rant. needed to write this all down somewhere though

Make an appointment with the Catholic University Chaplain, if you don’t want to visit your Pastor. This is out of hand.
God is not “answering” you because it’s probably a non-issue. You might be obsessing about this to avoid some other real problem in your life.

See a priest.
The sooner the better.
God loves us. I don’t think clothing, so long as it is modest, reasonably clean, and well fitting is fine. Which everyone has said dozens of times.
Go talk to a priest.

God hasn’t abandoned you, God is just wanting you to develop the gift of judgement and commonsense.

If God gives signs every time you have a question or uncertainly you will never develop judgement or balance of the brain He has given you, will you? :slight_smile:
He would be a very irresponsible parent if He kept you unable to develop judgement, commonsense, and balance.

He’s not neglecting or abandoning you, He’s wanting you to use judgement and commonsense.

Judging yourself by the past…the nuns used to wear coverall garments, now they mostly wear decent ordinary clothes, with the permission of the Church, excepting especially enclosed orders, who also have some modifications to dress with Vatican approval
Your reaction is way over the top.

You say you already dress modestly.

Just because there are some other people who are too scrupulous and afraid doesn’t mean you have to be. Not everyone who posts here has great judgement and some are very scrupulous. Such folk can do harm if you allow them to.

Don’t show your cleavage or dress skimpily, as some men are rather too susceptible or easily distracted, don’t flirt with the intention of seducing anyone who isn’t your spouse, dress sensibly. You don’t need total coverall.
There’s nothing immodest about short hair. Wear it as suits your face and hair.

God bless you, and remember that God wants us to use what He has given us as gift, our brains and judgements. Because He’s given those gifts, we shouldn’t have to be guided on every little thing in our lives, nor do we need to live in fear, plagued by scruples.

All the best! :slight_smile:

I joined CAF, despite being atheistic in my views, because I found Catholics to be the most heartfelt in their faith (in fact it has only been the Catholics who have made me, momentarily, have doubts about my beliefs).

Do you really need to worry about what you wear?
Surely, clothes are clothes…as long as they cover everything that has to be covered!
Does an omnipotent deity really worry that your dress code is correct?

Some clothing can be very elegant, yet show some cleavage; I know of no men who would lust over an elegantly dressed lady…and if they do, then surely it is them that are ‘sinning’.

I will stand corrected, if indeed you are heinously sinning…but I really think that your God has more important matters to address…or I hope He does :slight_smile:

Isn’t modesty really about charity? If a woman dresses in a way that will not tempt the average man into sinful thoughts that is modesty. The advice of a brother or a man friend can be helpful.


Hi angell1! I am sorry to hear about your struggles. First off, I hope it comforts you to know that you are not the only one who sometimes feels like God has left us for ourselves. Indeed, Jesus did also. He cried out on the cross: “My God, my God, why have You abandoned me?!” And yet who could deny that it was at that moment that God the Father was supporting Him the most?

And so it is with our lives, angel1. You may feel that you are abandoned, but in reality you are being supported all the more.

Now, the subject at hand, about clothing. As the other posters have said, it is something that should not be that much of a problem. But maybe for many we do not worry about it too much because we “get” it, the “instinct” most of us have about modesty.

Maybe you have heard about the guideline “Dress attractively rather than dress to attract.” It is actually an excellent guideline on modesty, but if it still confuses you then I hope what I point out here will help: to “dress attractively” means to be attractive, to be beautiful. It is alright to be beautiful, to be attractive. Heck, to want to be beautiful is the requirement for modesty!

St Thomas Aquinas, the greatest theologian of the Church, points out that temperance, the cardinal virtue that regulates our desire for physical pleasures (which includes modesty), can only be attained if we want its effects on us, and the principal effect of temperance is that it makes us beautiful to God and people of goodwill. This beautification of course is primarily spiritual, but it applies to the physical, too.

If you think that modesty is all about making yourself unattractive, then no wonder you are having problems knowing what to wear!

Therefore next time when you are choosing what to wear, think, “What will make me beautiful to God and good people?”

God bless!

Prometheus, During the apparitions of Our Lady of Fatima in 1917, she told the children that many fashions would be introduced which would offend God greatly. If you don’t know about the miracle it ended with a great spectacle: The Miracle of the Sun.

My mother used to say that a woman should ask herself if she’s dressing the way Mary would dress. My mother did not show cleavage.

Thank you for putting me right…I never knew that…I will look it up, it sounds interesting.

I apologise for my lack of knowledge, but I am English and Catholicism is like a hidden society to us…I was brought up in a Protestant Church of England family.

how do we know if we have fallen in to these fashions that we warned about, she wasn’t exactly that specific besides that one quote.

and mary dressed the same way a first century jewish woman dressed which is not like anyone has dressed in a long time. I really don’t kwno what she would do in our time

No you don’t do you? Neither do any of us.

It looks like you already do know the right way to dress. Just go ahead and dress according to your best judgment of aesthetics and modesty. All this “maybe God won’t approve” and “Mary warned this at Fatima” does no one any good, especially you. You intend to be modest, you will dress modest. God is not going to thunder any approval or disapproval from heaven because he gave you a brain to use, and from the looks of your posts, it’s a perfectly functional brain. God only asks us to be modest.

Don’t bother about the 1st, 18th, 20th or 21st century fashions. You will not get any clothing specifications from saints or the Church or even from the Bible (unless you want to dress like an Israelite priest). You know what’s modest, and that’s the way you should dress.

St. Augustine’s quote could come in useful here: “Love God, then do as you please.”

Just don’t dress in any way that you think would offend God or would compromise your modesty. Wearing skirts past the knees and blouses with sleeves and necklines that do not go down past two fingers length is modest. Think of Mary when you get dressed and what you think she’d like for you to wear. ASK her what you should wear. God bless you.

You are over-thinking this!

Wear what you like, what is comfortable, don’t go topless or wear shorts to your navel…and you are fine!

This God has a lot of other more important things to worry about–starving children, war, genocide, terrorism–than whether you wear short sleeves or not.

If Mary lived today, she’d be wearing a pretty, sleeveless sundress and heels and Chanel lipstick.

You should perhaps talk to a therapist a bit about this and she can help you redirect the way you are thinking so that you are not so hard on yourself needlessly.


God has not abandoned you. You just need to use common sense where clothes are concerned and don’t obsess about it. Also, stop taking literally rules for dressing that were given 50 years ago or more. Most of us can tell you what is modest or immodest. Immodest skirts and dresses means you have more of your leg above your knee exposed than is covered. If you are wearing shorts and walking around town and your uncovered butt is showing, this is immodest. Immodest is being able to see your uncovered breasts. Immodest is wearing skin-tight clothing that leaves nothing to the imagination. Leggings are not pants, by the way, so they can be immodest if not covered with a dress or long tunic type top. Other than that, most everything else is usually ok.

I see a lot of confusion here. For example, Mary by her very character and the fact that she was full of grace would more likely than not even want to wear lipstick. The beauty she’d be concerned (and is concerned) with is inward. I think one of the most beautiful women of our time was Mother Teresa and it was not a physical beauty.

I disagree.
Mary was a woman of her era–she most likely dressed, wore her hair, etc, as the other women in her village did.
A woman can be concerned with inner beauty and still wear lipstick as a way of fitting in with the current culture.
Unfortunately, we barely know anything about her…except for a scant few mentions in the Christian canon.


Dress norms for that culture were strictly set forth. There was really only one way to go. The distinguishing characteristic of any garment was how it was woven.
Like “they cast lots for it, because it was woven in one piece…top to bottom”. And therefore highly prized.
Everybody wore the same thing. Covered up. Not a whole lot of fabric or color choices.
Lydia was the “purpler” in the Bible…she knew how to gather plants for purple dyes that were the norm for people of high station. Men.
But women had little choice in what they wore. It was proscribed. And common.

It doesn’t matter what Mary would do. :rolleyes: Mary will not be judged. We will.

And I DOUBT that angel1 is dressing immodestly.

I’ve always wondered… why do we assume that the “fashions” that Our Lady spoke of are clothing? There are many other types of fashions…

Prometheus, Thought about you as I check on friends and those of whom I’ve been thinking. I’ve been praying for all. How are you? Have you any other questions? You can either contact me here on the thread or through a PM. I may have faith answers for you if you’re still searching for them. God bless.

Sorry, but I meant to say “two fingers width” pertaining to a woman’s neckline. A woman’s blouse should not go down past two fingers width, not two fingers length. God bless you.

There is no way that the Blessed Mother would wear a sleeveless sun dress. As an observant Jew, she would wear a long skirt that falls to the knees – if not longer… Her sleeves must reach the elbow. One she was married, she would have to cover her hair as well – she could use a wig, scarf, or hat. It all has to do with the community.

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.