I feel like God/Jesus hates me


#1

I need some sincere help and direction. I went through a really traumatic experience for 2 years. I have PTSD from it. Going through this turmoil, I had so much faith! I prayed and talked to Him daily. I always kept telling myself that He would help me through. Nothing could shake my faith then.
This is strange that I had so much faith through the event, was removed from it and am now very apathetic.
Late last year, I was removed from this situation. Then afterwards, the doubts about God’s love for me started to creep in. I had some setbacks in life and I became literally furious with God/Jesus. I was so mad at Him, that it scared me. I have never been that mad with anyone before. I was thinking to myself, I have been through all of this in my life (the 2 year traumatic event), I prayed through it, and now You are just going to leave and forget about me? Really, God? I felt like as much as I held on through that, He could help me more. My reasoning was, You are doing this to me again after our relationship.
This year has been no different. I am not an atheist, I know God exists. However, I am apathetic toward Him now. Before my decline in faith, I repeatedly prayed and prayed and prayed for change. It seemed like it fell on death ears. There was no response. There is still no response. It has been almost a year since this traumatic experience ended and I am still in a troubling predicament. Granted my situation now is nowhere near the PTSD inducing trauma I went through, but still, I feel left out to dry.
My current thought process is: perhaps I was created by Him just to be hated. Much like, Judas, the Pharoah in Egypt, Jezebel, and Goliath to name a few. I feel like He couldn’t possibly care less about me anymore, He hasn’t answered any prayers. I just cannot bring myself to talk to Him anymore. About what? He has made it loud and clear where He stands in my life. Nowhere. Yet, how could He create me and knowing that He would not love me? I don’t know or understand.
I spoke to other people of faith and they tell me to pray. Well, Biblically I cannot pray to Him if I have not faith in Him! That surely won’t work. And I surely have no faith or trust left.
What do I do?
I promise I am not being snarky; however, Bible quotes aren’t helping. I know the Bible very well from my faith days. I was heavy into Biblical history, apologetics, archeology, devotions, discussion, etc.


#2

I don’t know you that well so I really can’t give you a clear cut answer of what it might be. Sometimes a person tells what is important to them but accidentally leaves out things that are important to God which they overlook or don’t consider. So I really wish I could help you for sure, but not knowing enough I can’t.

But I can guesstamate a little. Maybe your faith in God was so strong in those two years is because you knew you needed it to be strong to be heard by God. And the basis of your faith was not love for God as much as it was to get you a solution you wanted. And so now since the solution came to some degree, it seems you no longer have the strong faith you once had…because it was a faith based on need rather than on love for God.
So now the faith seems gone or weak because the problem is gone so to speak.

Now the next phase you went thru is more of the same, when you thought you were finished with it. But now your faith you had before isn’t there because it sort of evaporated since it served its purpose. So now with little faith and a faith not based on love, is so minimized that now you have become exasperated with God. But if your faith had been based on love the first time, you would still have it now to support you in the next phase of your battle. And of course God always loves us and never withdraws it, it is just our incorrect perception because our love for him and understanding of him has not been formed properly.

My suggestion is to go back to the New Testament, read the passsion of Jesus slowly, very slowly, and let the meaning of his love sink into your heart. Begin over to think of faith differently, as something which makes his presence vivid to you and his presence real in you so that you may love him thru faith no matter what goes on in your life.

May God our Father give you what will help you.


#3

I have seen other people go through similar stuff, without getting into too many details, but I suspect His silence was broken when they started to do things to help other people in need. God does not hate you and never will, His patients, mercy, love tenderness never end, not ever. He came to this earth and sacrificed everything for us, He didn’t even hate the people who were mocking Him as He was being hanged, that’s not hate; that’s a love so great that is hard for us to comprehend.

Maybe you are concentrating too much on the “self”. Praying for you.


#4

God is ! Alpha and Omega–Beginning and End. Constant Love. Forgiveness and mercy. But judgement. He always answers===Yes, No, Later. Sometimes one must rephrase the prayer. Is it something you want or need.?? As we go on our journey w Jesus, who is our BFF, it feels he takes a trip. We don’t feel HIs presence at this time. We are going through a dry spell. It is an awful feeling. As old as I am it has happened to me, maybe 3 times. For one, I read the book about St. John of the Cross. Another time I went to confession regularly and mass more often. There is power in the Eucharist… This time, I joined CAF to ask for prayer but there were so many listed who needed prayer, I became a prayer warrior and I feel closer to God ministering w His children.
God doesn’t hate anyone. He loves Charles Manson. He isn’t thrilled w what he did. When on judgement day, Manson goes before Jesus, He’ll say I loved you brother but you wasted your life and followed satan. You earned hell. I grieve over this sentence but there were moments for times of forgiveness and mercy and you didn’t take it. Take him away.
So, if you worry about your relationship w God, you haven’t committed the unforgivable sin. It is the enemy tormenting you. The devil is a thief in the night to steal, kill, and destroy.
But Christ comes to bring peace and a sound mind. Jeremiah 29:11 I have a plan for you. It is a plan for good and not for evil. It has a purpose and a future. Read Ephesians 3:14-21. READ THIS. IT TALKS ABOUT PAUL FALLING TO HIS KNEES PRAYING THAT WE WOULD FIND THE LOVE THAT GOD HAS FOR US. Just be bathed in Christ’s love,
tweedlealice


#5

Fredconty has given you excellent advice.
In our faith we shouldn’t go by how we FEEL but by what we KNOW. Sometimes I feel like my husband hates me, but I KNOW he loves me.
Mother Theresa felt abondoned by God for years. But He’s always there; He can’t go away. He loves you and didn’t make a mistake when He made you.

I’m sure you must know the idea of God not being Santa Claus. We are called to pray for all things. The answer could be Yes, No, or Later. We must accept all answers.

Also, when we feel strong in the Lord we should build up our faith so that we could use it in the down moments. And the down moments will come. My niece, 15, had what you went through and went thru a terrible time this winter. She couldn’t even eat. With medication she got better and is okay now. Who healed her? GOD healed her! He also made you better.

All good things come from God. Satan loves to distract us, try to convince us there is no God or that God doesn’t care about us. Don’t make satan win! Stay close to Jesus no matter what.

I know you don’t want bible passages but try to study up on this idea to its fullest:
In this world you will have tribulation but be of good cheer - I have overcome the world.
What does this mean? How has Jesus overcome the world if there’s still tribulation?

Concentrate on the good (Phillipians), stay close to Jesus.

You know, He cried for Jerusalem just before entering the city. Because he felt badly for the lost people there. The big problem re evil, why is exists, whey it’s allowed to continue. There’s so much we can’t understand but by the above act of Jesus we can know that he loves us and feels for our troubles.

Don’t give up. It’s a matter of will. I believe you’ll be okay or you wouldn’t have written your post.

God bless you and comfort you


#6

So much wonderful advice on this thread!

I think that sometimes, when we try to imagine what God is like and how He is responding to our prayers, we imagine the wrong thing! Then we get angry with the god our mind has created, when the real God does not do anything to inspire anger (how can we ever have a just reason to be angry with perfect Truth and Justice? If only we understood everything, we would have no cause to do anything but praise Him!)

I think this is where trust comes in. We have to say, “Okay, in my mind, there is no way anything but xyz could be a good outcome to this situation, but obviously I’m not seeing the whole picture right now, because God, who is all-knowing and perfectly good, is letting things happen otherwise!” There is always, always, always a reason, even when it is completely outside our ability to fathom at the moment.


#7

I have received some helpful responses. I appreciate them all and thank you for your time. They all helped me to think. Unfortunately, after the writing of my post, I went through yet another setback. Honestly, I am tired of being resilient. I have been resilient my whole life. I did not grow up feeling safe inside a loving home. Like a lot of other people, things were very hard for me. Since 18 things have only gotten worse. Maybe, I am at the end of my rope. I’m stuck and I don’t have any hope left. Growing up, I always had hoped that things would get better. I’m physically and emotionally drained of wishing, wanting, and dreaming. Am I only to be a dreamer for the rest of my life? That is torture people. It truly is. Don’t tell me it’s not, unless you have been there. I don’t know what else to do. If God/Jesus don’t want you to succeed, you won’t.


#8

I appreciate that someone understands. I was brought up believing that depression was a sin, because you are not trusting or having faith. Look at me know. The main thing is that I am tired of being resilient. I have been resilient my whole life and I am tired. Why can’t something ever go right? Why must it all be a struggle? I am not exaggerating…my whole life! I look at people on TV, self-proclaimed atheists. They believe that they are happy, they have tons of money, friends (which I don’t really have), close family (which I don’t really have), spouses (nada for me), grew up in great homes. Why does He continue to bless them? I have been following Him a long time and I have battles each day. I’m exhausted from fighting for something I can’t feel. The difference now and then, is that I no longer have any hope that anything will ever change. I can’t take this all of my life, I’m not strong enough anymore. I’m in hell now.


#9

Hello MissMezone87

You know, many of us have felt like you do. I’m 70 and I can tell you that one of two things will happen:

You’ll get over everything - something incredible will happen

Nothing will happen and life will continue but in a better state of mind

But you kinow what? There is ALWAYS hope. Hope is the last thing to die, even if you have cancer so you could imagine that hope would always be a part of your life. Things go wrong, a lot, this isn’t heaven…

If you’ve lost hope then I’d have to say that you’re in a bit of a depression. Depression is not a sin. It has nothing to do with faith - I can testify to this. Depression is caused by physical reasons - depletion of seritonin in the brain.

Please get some medical help, I think this is what you need.

Also, your situation might change, you sound like a young person.
OR maybe it won’t! We must learn to live with what we have. THAT is faith!

I think you might try to stop worrying about how badly things are going with you and concentrate more on maybe helping others. There are so many needy people out there that need help, like food, clothes, etc. Church has programs for this, maybe you could join in and help out.

But first of all I believe you need some help yourself right now and cannot think of others. Believe me, I know from experience. Please seek medical help. Sometimes a low grade depression is difficult to diagnose unless you’re a professional, like a psychiatrist for example.

I’m sorry if I’ve overstepped my boundry since I don’t know you but I can say that we all feel like yoiu do at times - it does pass, either on its own or with some help.

God bless you


#10

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