I feel like I may commit suicide

Guys, I didn’t know where else to turn. I usually use this website solely as a viewer but I have so much turmoil that I decided to create an account. I’m a college student and I’m broke. Yeah, I know that many college students are broke but my family lives under the poverty line. I have been looking for a job ALL Summer but I couldn’t find a job because when managers would find out that I was a college student, they would tell me that they’re looking for someone who would work at their establishment for at least a year. Even McDonald’s said that they weren’t hiring (because the high school kids took the jobs). Every single day I applied for a job and I must have sent hundreds of copies of my resume out. I would’ve been fine with not getting a job had my mother, who is pure evil, not stolen my money that I had saved. Now I have no way of getting back to college, I can’t get new clothes (I have one pair of jeans), and I can’t afford my textbooks. On top of that, I was sexually abused and my ex-boyfriend sent me an email that was just awful (it was so awful that my cousin was thinking of calling the cops). I am so tired of praying. God wasn’t there to stop what happened to me and I feel so unclean. I am starting to become full of hate. I hate my mother for everything that she’s done to me in my life (she basically almost killed me when I was a child because of the abuse). I hate my family for always telling me to forgive her because she’s my mother and it’s okay that she abused me, stole my identity, and my money. I hate my family for being anti-Catholic. They’re all Protestant and they say anti-Catholic things when they know that Catholicism is my religion. I used to pray so much but this morning, I realized that praying just doesn’t work. I didn’t have so much hate until me today when my sadness became anger. It’s only so much that a teenager can take. I have no one. I have nothing.

Call a suicide hotline and talk to a real person. When you start thinking suicide, your thinking has become distorted, and you should not trust your own sense of things. That one thought alone tells you that your “reality check” is totally haywire. Believe me, I have been there, I know. Healthy realistic people do not think about killing themselves, no matter how hungry they get. Healthy realistic people, when they get hungry, think about how to get a meal. When the thought turns to suicide, the hunger and fear have started to eat you. That is nothing to punish yourself about, but it is a 100% reliable indicator that you can’t go it alone any more. Get help, and promise that you will do what the people helping you make you promise to do, OK? No cheating.

Now, go make that phone call. The rest, you take care of after you get stop your self-worth from hemorrhaging, which will be after you get those suicidal thoughts in check.

Do it! No excuses!! Right now!

God bless you dear one, thank you so much for taking the time to come here!

I am so glad and grateful that you took the time to share your story. How wonderful that you have been able to hang on to your faith life (slim as it is at this point) after all that you have been through. Even now when you feel that all is lost, still you found the strength to come here and to seek peace and hope. Clearly God has plans for you dear one! You are essential to this world. No matter what lies that Satan is telling you do not believe him. Satan wants you to believe that you are worthless and that there is no hope and that God does not hear your prayers.

The fact that you are living and breathing is a miracle! You are a miracle! You have a special place in this world that no one can fill!

I wish I could offer you so much more. I wish I could reach through this computer and give you a huge hug and take away all of your pain and help you. Please be assured of my prayers for you. Please do all you can to seek help, there must be help somewhere near you? Somewhere that can offer you real and solid help like your church or local Catholic charities counseling service? I wish I could offer you more than words, I seem to think you may need more at this time. Perhaps there is someone there where you life that you can talk to that can really give you help and love and guidance. God bless you dear one. Please keep us posted on how you are doing I will be checking in and praying for you please take care as best as you can and do not despair.

Loving Christ please surround your love and mercy around this special person. Grant guidance, strength, hope, and the necessary help and comfort.
Most loving Christ nothing is impossible in your hands

Our Father, Who art in heaven
Hallowed be Thy Name;
Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us;
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil. Amen.

Okay, thanks. I may call them. I just feel like my situation is hopeless right now.

I really appreciate your response.

Thank you for posting. I know that because of the pain and trials which you experience, you’re questioning God’s presence and his plan for you. However, to me, the very act that you decided to create an account and post here, sharing your story and concerns, and seeking help, tells me and probably others here as well, that God’s graces are quite at work in your life, and that your guardian angel is very much involved. Pray to him, ask him to help you and keep you safe.

Keep up the good fight, and my advice to you is for you as a Catholic to continue to receive the sacraments! Confession (especially when at the low points of depression) and frequent communion. By receiving communion when you are able, you join the rest of the Body of Christ, and receive the graces and spiritual strength to continue to experience both the struggles, the shortcomings, and the beauty and the good in your life.

As a recent graduate, I can closely relate to you in that it’s certainly rough in the job-hunting market! Throughout college it was hard to find part time jobs, and then my whole senior year, I submitted hundreds of applications with no result. I was jobless for a while after graduation, and then found a lucky break. Networking is a great tool to help, ask any friends’ and relative’s parents if possible to keep an eye out for you or pass on a resume.

EasterJoy made a great recommendation, which I will second: call the hotline when you experience this unhealthy line of thought/consideration. Please!

BigBangTheory,

PLEASE do what was suggested here! Most immediately do what Easter Joy wrote. She seems spot on and the fact she was there to give the advice she gave I believe was an answer to your prayers, it was God Himself reaching out to you.

I know Its hard to break down and admit where we are sometimes in order to ask for help, but it is the Evil one who fills us with shame and pride to avoid getting the help we need! I know from experience at twice your age. I felt hopeless to start life over again at 50. You are still young and have plenty of time in your life! Please trust that ANYONE, ANYONE to whom you would share your needs will only want to put there arms around you and hold you tight and help you out! So if you haven’t already, call a suicide counselor, seek some more pastoral counseling from a priest, and ask for the social services that were mentioned. And if none of them can help you come back here!

Lastly, forgive, forgive, forgive, if not for the sake of your family, your boyfriend for your own soul and mental health. Its not to say forget and put yourself in abusive positions, but make a choice to hold nothing, no anger, resentment, or blame against them. Its hard, but you must to move on. Now its your turn to make decisions for yourself , with no regrets to begin living the joyous life God has in store for us. Start by asking for help.

God bless you! Thank you for reaching out!

First, do call that hot line that one of the previous posters recommended.

I haven’t lived your life, so i can’t really know the pain you’re suffering. But I can say one thing, whether it’s worthwhile or not.

When I graduated from high school, my family didn’t have any money to put me through school. I had some family problems, to be sure. My choices, as I saw them then, were a) school if I got a full ride (not likely) or b) join the navy as an ordinary seaman.

I didn’t much want to join the navy, but I could see that it wouldn’t be my whole life, and I could go to school later. And too, there were lots of others in the navy, some poor just like me, and that wouldn’t be so bad.

By what was next to a miracle, I got a full ride scholarship. I could (in those days) earn enough in the summer to pay for room and board, and there were always jobs one could do around school back then. To be truthful, although i did what the school gave me a scholarship to do (debate, and just about every weekend) I have never been sure they got a bargain with me. Regardless, it could have been the other way; a stint in the navy and then school perhaps. Not the end of the world either way.

As a senior in college I had two choices: a) join the air force and try for jet fighter qualification, or b) get a full ride to graduate school. In the same week I received a letter admitting me to the air force jet fighter program and a full ride to graduate school plus a job working in an orphanage for room and board. I took the latter. I have never been persuaded the school got a good deal with that one either. I was just plain lucky. But it could have just as easily been otherwise. I’ll admit that sometimes I sort of wish I had gotten into that jet fighter. But I didn’t. A whole different life that I can only imagine.

My point here is that while we often think our course has to go one way, it really doesn’t have to. There’s no shame on a person if he/she works for awhile and then goes to school, even part time schooling. Lots of people do it. In the college I went to, they had a good business school at night. It was odd because all of these middle aged and old guys were all over the campus then getting that schooling pretty late in life. I often wondered how they did it after working all day, and why they didn’t do it earlier. But there they were.

In college I met a number of guys who had been in the service before going to college. I even met a guy who had been a diamond merchant before. He just wanted to get a college degree because he wanted it.

I know several people who are being sent to college by their employers. All kinds of things,but mainly in the agricultural or public utility sectors. And the employers pay for it.

I’m sure it’s difficult for you to see additional choices in your life…other paths. But they really are there. The important thing is for you to take one that you can actually do. You say you have nothing, but you actually do. You have yourself and a lot of years to make a life. You also have God. I would keep praying, by the way, even if you don’t feel like it.

Thank you for this. This helps a lot. I will keep you updated as you’ve asked.

Thank you :slight_smile: I will try to stay strong. It’s just so hard. It’s like I keep praying and I still feel like a failure.

You’ve inspired me :slight_smile: Right now, I have a full ride to a Top 20 college and I feel that God has blessed me in that aspect. I just wish that I didn’t have so many other things to worry about. And I’m going to say another Rosary right now.

Thank you :slight_smile:

I will try to find help. Thanks to you and everyone for posting. I’m going to log off now for a Rosary and good cry. I’ll be back on later. Thanks guys.

Universities almost always have free counseling services that they offer just because their students are in a time which can leave them so vulnerable to just what you are going through. It is heartbreaking when anyone commits suicide, no matter how down and out, but it is even worse when depression grabs someone young, gifted, and with an entire lifetime to fight past whatever set-back they are suffering.

You cannot know how many people around you have gone through just what you are going through. Do reach out…we’re out there, and we want you to survive, too, and not be among the tragic casualties that these false thoughts strike down every year. You don’t have to see the light. You only have to believe that someone does, and that among those who do, someone is willing to help you. They do exist, and they do want to help. Call them!

I have likened living through depression and staying the “healthy course” of choosing not to believe suicidal thoughts to flying an aircraft in the darkness and clouds with only the instruments (the teaching of God that your life is not yours to throw away!) to go by. It is exhausting, sometimes almost beyond description, and yet when we go through it we beat ourselves up for “being tired when I haven’t done anything.” If you lose sight of the preciousness of life, getting through the day is “doing something” and it takes a great effort. Give yourself lots of room for that, OK?

I will also tell you three thoughts that have helped me through these times:

  1. This is not my life. It belongs to God, and I have no right to take it. If God wants me to die, God is capable of doing that. God reserves that right to Himself. This is true of every creature, but it is doubly true of those of us who have given our lives to God in baptism. We have been bought, and at a price, and have accepted being ransomed. We have no right to turn back.

  2. If I do this, my friends and family will blame themselves. It will have been my choice, but they will still feel guilty about it. If they do not feel guilty about it, they will feel I have cheated them, because they want me around. I have no right to argue that point with them, because God made me to love others, not to do what I want.

  3. No matter how I might try to kill myself, because any near-death can deprive the brain or other organs of oxygen or blood supply, there is no way to attempt suicide that cannot leave me worse off than I was. Likewise, there is no way to attempt suicide that no one has ever survived, because the human body can also be unbelievably resistant to dying. I have verified this with emergency physicians. Brain damage is a very likely outcome of attempted suicide, but other organ systems can also sustain life-long damage. Is* that* what I want–the same problems, only with brain damage or organ damage on top of them? If not, I should not attempt suicide.

Sorry to hear, I do sympathize, having experienced *almost *the same things. Suicide won’t make things better, but worst, don’t choose worst. Just live faithfully and remember that we live in a fallen world, and should expect nothing great in this life, but live for the sake of the next life in Heaven.
“Why should you die before your time?”
Ecclesiastes 7:17b

I have found that crying in the arms of Jesus can be very good. Yes, God can comfort us when no one else is there.

Still, seek out the people he put into the world for you. Even he had his Simon of Cyrene…a man who did not even choose to be the one to help him! God will supply people who can help you, too. Sometimes, the person God supplied was not the person I wanted, but someone else. Whoever God sends you, reach out to them!

Please do it right now. As in, as you’re reading this.

What Easter Joy said … you might check out Catholic Charities in your area. They sometimes provide counseling services.

Poor Baby! I am going to be Praying for you tonight when I am swimming!
You can do this!
God Bless you!
May the God of Isaac and Abraham and Mary be with you!

A young man was assigned as an apprentice to an old goldsmith. He watched, as the old man took the gold ore and heated it up to melt the gold out. Then, he put the gold into a crucible and turned the heat up as high as it would go! The gold melted, and the impurities in the gold began to float to the surface. The old man skimmed off the impurities, and kept heating the gold. More impurities came to the surface, and these, too, were skimmed off. Eventually, the gold was purified, and he poured it into a mold to cool off. The young man, after observing all of this, asked the goldsmith, “Sir, how do you know when the purification process is complete?” The old goldsmith looked at the young man and said, “When I can look at the molten gold, and clearly see my own face in it, it’s done.”

God does the same thing to us. He throws us into the crucible of life, allowing us to go through hardships, etc., in order to purify us and make us ready for heaven. Whenever we are given a Cross by Our Lord, we should thank Him. We were not made for this life, but for the next…when HE says it is time. We are not God, and have no right to say when our time here on earth is done.

You and I, in the end, will be in heaven or hell. Period. Our choices in this life matter.

God is a merciful God. Go to sacramental Confession and cleanse your soul of any sin. Offer yourself to Him. Everything you have, everything you are, everything you do. Your entire will, offer to Him, to do with as He pleases. Then, you will know peace. The happiest people on earth (I think in Central or South America, last statistics I saw) are materially poor by our standards. But they have spiritual wishes we Americans could only dream of.

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