I feel like I'm losing it...please pray for me

I had to break this up into 2 posts…stupid character limit…

*Every now and then I have a “dry spell” when it comes to my faith. I can’t focus at church, no matter how much I want to, I don’t get anything out of mass or the homily (even when my favorite priest is presiding-and he has absolutely amazing homilies). I feel almost spiritually dead and disconnected from God. I can’t even pray because my mind starts wandering and I get frustrated and give up. I was cantoring this past Sunday and my friend came up to me after mass and said “you sounded really nice, but it just seemed like your heart wasn’t in it”, and she was right-it wasn’t, even though I desperately wanted it to be. I hate it when this happens and how it feels. It always seems to happen when I’m feeling particularly stressed out about life’s happenings. *

*I’m so overwhelmed right now and there are so many things going on, I feel like I’m going to explode, and I just have this aching, heavy feeling inside.

Among the many things that are stressing me out, I would greatly appreciate prayers for the following:*
*
I’m supposed to graduate this coming May, after 6 years of being an undergrad. I seriously feel like my school is plotting to keep me from graduating so they can keep taking my money. I know that’s silly, but honestly, they keep cancelling classes I need in order to graduate. One of these classes that I need got cancelled this semester. It’s being offered next semester, but of course it conflicts with another class that I’m required to take (and I knew that was the case, which is why I signed up for it this semester-sigh). I know I can’t possibly be the only student in this situation, so I emailed the department chair and asked if anything could be done to change one of the class times so they don’t conflict with each other. At this point, it’s not looking good and I’m REALLY stressing out because there’s no other class I can take to fulfill the requirement that the class meets. Please pray for divine intervention and a miracle so that the class can be rescheduled. I don’t know what I’m going to do if they can’t reschedule…I can’t afford to be in school any longer. *

*Also related to school, in an effort to meet all my graduation requirements, I overloaded myself and signed up for too many units, but by the time I realized this, it was too late to withdraw. I have an online class that I have done virtually no work for, and not for lack of trying, either. The problem with this class is that the only assignments are essays (two of them due every Saturday by midnight). I have no problem writing essays normally, but in this class it’s difficult because our essays are supposed to be based on the professor’s lectures. The problem is, his lectures are more like novels, they don’t flow (they jump around and make no sense), they include very long tangents that are not related to any of the material, and they’re full of spelling and grammar errors, which is a huge distraction to me (oh, and he also likes to type in all caps which drives me nuts). I’ve tried to get through these lectures and to organize them and take notes that make sense but they’re so long that I got behind and was never able to catch up. Whenever I try to work on this class, reading the lectures literally puts me to sleep because they’re so disorganized and full of errors-my brain can’t handle it. I really can’t afford to fail this class and I’m stressing about what to do. Please pray that I find a solution and that the professor is willing to work something out with me. *
*
A few weeks ago, one of my male classmates cornered me in a music practice room and basically forced himself on me and made me give him oral sex, which was absolutely humiliating. He tried to have sex with me but didn’t succeed. Normally, I would have reported this, but this isn’t a normal situation.

This classmate and I used to be friends until he almost destroyed my relationship between me and my boyfriend. When I first met him, he had a girlfriend, who is he now married to. He’s one of those guys that’s in an “open marriage” (why bother getting married???) and he goes after all the girls. I was feeling less than attractive and important to my boyfriend at the time and I fell into this guy’s trap (he’s very charming and attractive, not to mention very persuasive) and I did things that I am not at all proud of. I eventually told him to drop dead and leave me alone and I stopped talking to him all together. Well, that was a few years ago and when you’re a music major, you tend to have the same people in all your classes, so I have classes with him and it was hard to completely ignore him without having people ask questions, so we started talking and being civil. He actually apologized very sincerely for pushing me when he knew I had a boyfriend and didn’t want to cheat. *

See next post…

Continued from first post…

*We’ve been talking a bit more over the last year and half (just at school in class), and while he’s tried to push the envelope a few times, I’ve always been very firm and said no. Well, that all went down hill a few weeks ago when I was in this practice room. Getting a music practice room is really difficult, so once you get one, you don’t want to leave until you’re done with it. Anyway, I needed to use the restroom so I poked my head out into the hallway to see if there was anyone I knew who could watch my room for a second, and there was this guy. He’d been behaving himself so I asked him if he could make sure no one took my room and he said sure and went inside. When I came back, he wouldn’t leave and things got really uncomfortable and that’s when he forced himself on me, because I froze up and couldn’t say the word “no”. I know this is something that should be reported, but given our past history, I’m terrified what he will do to defend himself if I do report it-I don’t want to open that can of worms and ruin my relationship with my boyfriend-it was hard enough going through it with him once. People will pull out all the stops when it comes to defending themselves and I wouldn’t put it past this guy. Anyway, the point is that it’s just tearing me apart and now, going to school is really uncomfortable because he keeps trying to get me alone in classrooms or practice rooms or he tries to get me to agree to go to my car with him-I keep saying no but it’s getting old. Now, when I drive to school, I start to have panic attacks as I get closer to campus-this is not fun. *

*I tried going to university counseling services to talk to someone about this and everything else going on and they decided I have too many problems for them to handle (you only get 8 sessions per academic year) and that I would be better served by going to a private therapist. That may be true, but I can’t afford to do that. I have insurance, but I also have a co-pay. It’s only $20, but when you’re out of a job, that’s a lot of money, especially when you have bills to pay-and I don’t want to ask my parents to pay because A) they’re broke and, B) I don’t particularly feel like telling them that I’m in therapy. So now I feel stuck and I don’t know what to do. I’d really like to find a Catholic counselor but they don’t seem to be easy to find. I know that I’m comfortable talking to my pastor, but he’s just so busy and I feel awkward approaching him and saying “hey, I have lots of problems. Let me tell you about them”. *

*Anyway, I can’t list everything that’s going on-I’d be here all night. But it’s all weighing on me and I’m feeling pretty miserable and I just want to curl up and cry. :frowning: If you could lift me up in prayer, I’d be really grateful.

Thanks,
Neens*

Word limits are for a point.
I would like to help you but where to start from if you put here 1001 problems?
One at a time, we can handle. So many?
Divide et vinces, said Julius Caesar.
Divide and you will win.
One thing at a time, otherwise it is just unburden your stuff.

Dear Pfaffenhoffen, technicalities don’t rate a plate of beans in the face of her serious problem here. Neens has a major problem and has asked for our prayers.
She’s in a dreadful position and and close to desperate. She needed to let us know how bad things are. She needed to trust someone, and obviously doesn’t feel she can trust those around her.

**Heavenly Father, I ask Your powerful help for this daughter who needs to finish her studies in order to fully use the talents You have given her, and she needs to be safe while doing that.
She isn’t. She is being emotionally and sexually abused.

Please guide her to the protection and guidance she needs.
Please ensure she has the loving support of those in her life and around her.
Help her to see and to decide what to do.

Please ensure that she is able to complete her studies quickly so that she can leave this place and person of danger to her body and spirit.
Father I ask this in the name of Your beloved Son, Jesus.
Holy Spirit inspire and protect her, give her wisdom, courage and right action.

Angels of God please surround her continually**

Pfaffenhoffen, just pray for her and hold off from the advice.
Neens, you’re in my prayers. Stay strong and maybe check out Catholic Charities. They provide counseling based on a sliding-scale (based on income). They may be able to help. God bless you.

*Hail Mary, full of grace
The Lord is with thee
Blessed art thou among women
and blessed
is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus
Holy Mary, mother of God
Pray for us sinners
Now and at the hour of our death

Amen.*

Most compassionate Savior, you understand the pain that this poor victim is encountering. You invite us to place our burdens into your hands with the return of refreshment. Look with pity upon her and free her from the burden that she is sinking beneath. Give her the strength to know your will for her and the grace to co-operate with you, for you desire her salvation more than anything. Guide her through her studies that she may graduate and use the talents you gave her. Help her overcome the difficulties she is facing at university and to graduate on time. Protect her from temptations and sexual perversion that are forced upon her. Help help maintain a chaste life pleasing to you, and don’t allow the evil of others overcome the faithfulness that she places in you. Give her wisdom, courage and perserverance so that she may overcome overcome temptation and meet your holy will.

Neen,

I’m really sorry to hear you are going through such a painful experience. Don’t give up now, you are almost approaching the finish line. I know it is hard, but you have to take measures to make sure what has happened doesn’t happen again. This might mean distancing yourself completely from that peson. As for your studies, I knew of a Law student who took 9 years to graduate. He eventually graduated and became a very good lawyer. It is hard to understand why God allows these things to happen, but it is all part of providence and God allows it for your own good, even if that seems the most absurd thing (It isn’t). From what you said, you are determined to graduate on time and that makes a lot of sense. If you continue to face obstacles there, maybe you could change to another school/college? Now, concerning therapy, I wouldn’t advise it, it achieves nothing. Unless you have tried it and you found it to be beneficial, I wouldn’t reccomend it (but that’s my opinion).

Anyway, FYI, I’m actually doing a Novena and I’ll include you in my intentions. :slight_smile:

I will pray for you, keep on going and God will help you! He sees your effort.

Hi Neens,

I am very sorry for what has happened and what you are currently going through. In fact, you have caused me to reflect on my behaviour–on the things I have done before and could do in future.

While there are people praying for you, you need to take some practical steps in solving your problems. With God, everything is possible.

I strongly believe that the first thing you need to be doing is to relax. Relax, relax relax!!! Keep calm. Drain your mind. “Drain your mind of all irritation, resentment, disappointment, frustration and annoyance. Unless you drain the mind frequently and regularly, these unhappy thoughts will accumulate until a major blasting-out process will be necessary”- The Power of Positive Thinking.
Take some days off and go somewhere where you could admire God’s creation–the birds in the sky, the flowers, rivers etc.

You need to be able to have a clean mind to be able to think clearly. Then you can start looking at the possible ways forward.

You definitely need to talk to someone. Your best option now seems to be your pastor although you said he is busy. He is a man of God. Men of God are always busy. Is he too busy to administer to God’s beloved daughter in such a time of great need? This is an emergency. Please think about this.

The other alternative is to meet a professional as you mentioned. But you can’t afford. IMO, you are in a situation where any organisation with the name Catholic, should be able to help. Some of them attach a lot of strings or have preconditions. Try contacting any of them and ask if they could treat your case differently. Ask and seek, you will find.

Another alternative is your parents. You said they are broke and you don’t want to tell them about the counselling. Too often, we push our parents aside and try to solve our problems by ourselves. But dear, when we can’t solve our problems by ourselves, we have to get our parents involved. We always have the good intention of not wanting to bother them but sometimes we just have to bring them onboard. Even if they can’t help financially, they could be able to help in another way. Of course, there are certain things we feel shy to share with our parents but in such serious cases, we have to be courageous and open up. The things we try to conceal will eventually be brought to light anyway.

Once you find a counsellor, then you guys can start working on solving your problems.

For me, this guy is the number one problem. There are people who have done undergraduate programmes for more than 6 years, so you shouldn’t worry much about that, especially when it’s not your fault that they keep cancelling courses.

This guy is the toughest part of all of these and it also requires tough measures. You said you did things that you are not proud of and you have a history with him. Please think about saving yourself first before trying to preserve your relationship with your boyfriend. If there is anything you did in the past that you think your boyfriend deserves to know, it’s high time you tell him and take the responsibility. Stop making yourself vulnerable. This guy is trying to do it again and you just can’t report him because of your past history. You have to be honest with yourself and with your boyfriend.

You don’t seem to be woman enough to kick this guy out of your life. Your NO seems to be useless to him. Well, in order not to be a victim again, one of you has to honestly move. When you see fire, you run. Your dignity is more precious than this degree. You could always continue or start allover again somewhere else.

Anyways, these are just my thoughts. Clear your mind, talk to your pastor. Seek financial help if you need to meet an expert. We are never too big to cry out to our parents as we used do as kids or always have to do when we are helpless.

May the good Lord and Mother Mary be by your side.

PRAYER FOR NEENS

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in
heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our
trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us,
and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Amen.

O God, who hast poured the virtue of Charity,
by the grace of the Holy Ghost,
into the hearts of the faithful,
grant to thy servant Neens for whom we implore thy mercy,
a divine intervention and solution to all her problems,
that loving thee with all her strength,
she may accomplish those things which are pleasing to thee.
Through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee;
blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now
and at the hour of our death. Amen.

Dear Neens, Praying for you. Also nothing wrong with a good cry - a relief sometimes- just don’t let it stop there.

Just a reality check. Forces oral sex has a name, it is called rape. Reported or not, you should be clear on that. This guy is a predator.

You sound stuck in a cycle - make a change in something. I get in these moods and get really stuck. Sounds weird, but I clean out my purse. That seems to be a trigger to put some order in my life.

I think the suggestion to seek out Catholic Charities for counseling is a good one. Go for it.

With regard to your “scattered” professor. Try outlining his rambling lectures using cards. lable each with topic and “thought”… Leave out the irrelevant. Start with half of one lecture to see if it works for you.

God Bless Neens. I will be back to see how you are doing. You will be in my prayers.

Ohana by the way, means “family”.

Praying hard for you.

Tietjen, I think my advice is right. You are seeing a person who is snowballing. This means, she is mixing so many problems that she can solve none.
I repeat, divide et vinces. This is a centuries old wisdom statement. Past does not exist, future does not exist. What you have in life is the present, a fine line coming from a past that do not exist to a future that does not exist. Most people live in the future or in the past, forgetting that it is in the present (which contains very little !!!) that you must sove past and future problems.
I can pray, Ok, and I prayed already.
But so we may help, she must come with one problem at a time, beginning with the most pressing ones.
Otherwise, it is only prayer.
An God wants us to do something.
Tietjen, I am not joking of the lady, I am trying to help…

Dear Father please hold Neens in your loving embrace, and guide her during her troubled times.

*Hail Mary, full of grace
The Lord is with thee
Blessed art thou among women
and blessed
is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus
Holy Mary, mother of God
Pray for us sinners
Now and at the hour of our death

Amen.*

Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be
done, on earth as it is in heaven Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our
trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation
but deliver us from evil. Amen

Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with thee
blessed art thou among women and
blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus
Holy Mary mother of God pray for us
sinners now and at the hour of our death
Amen.

Glory Be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning is now ever shall be world without end Amen

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