I had to break this up into 2 posts…stupid character limit…
*Every now and then I have a “dry spell” when it comes to my faith. I can’t focus at church, no matter how much I want to, I don’t get anything out of mass or the homily (even when my favorite priest is presiding-and he has absolutely amazing homilies). I feel almost spiritually dead and disconnected from God. I can’t even pray because my mind starts wandering and I get frustrated and give up. I was cantoring this past Sunday and my friend came up to me after mass and said “you sounded really nice, but it just seemed like your heart wasn’t in it”, and she was right-it wasn’t, even though I desperately wanted it to be. I hate it when this happens and how it feels. It always seems to happen when I’m feeling particularly stressed out about life’s happenings. *
*I’m so overwhelmed right now and there are so many things going on, I feel like I’m going to explode, and I just have this aching, heavy feeling inside.
Among the many things that are stressing me out, I would greatly appreciate prayers for the following:*
I’m supposed to graduate this coming May, after 6 years of being an undergrad. I seriously feel like my school is plotting to keep me from graduating so they can keep taking my money. I know that’s silly, but honestly, they keep cancelling classes I need in order to graduate. One of these classes that I need got cancelled this semester. It’s being offered next semester, but of course it conflicts with another class that I’m required to take (and I knew that was the case, which is why I signed up for it this semester-sigh). I know I can’t possibly be the only student in this situation, so I emailed the department chair and asked if anything could be done to change one of the class times so they don’t conflict with each other. At this point, it’s not looking good and I’m REALLY stressing out because there’s no other class I can take to fulfill the requirement that the class meets. Please pray for divine intervention and a miracle so that the class can be rescheduled. I don’t know what I’m going to do if they can’t reschedule…I can’t afford to be in school any longer. *
*Also related to school, in an effort to meet all my graduation requirements, I overloaded myself and signed up for too many units, but by the time I realized this, it was too late to withdraw. I have an online class that I have done virtually no work for, and not for lack of trying, either. The problem with this class is that the only assignments are essays (two of them due every Saturday by midnight). I have no problem writing essays normally, but in this class it’s difficult because our essays are supposed to be based on the professor’s lectures. The problem is, his lectures are more like novels, they don’t flow (they jump around and make no sense), they include very long tangents that are not related to any of the material, and they’re full of spelling and grammar errors, which is a huge distraction to me (oh, and he also likes to type in all caps which drives me nuts). I’ve tried to get through these lectures and to organize them and take notes that make sense but they’re so long that I got behind and was never able to catch up. Whenever I try to work on this class, reading the lectures literally puts me to sleep because they’re so disorganized and full of errors-my brain can’t handle it. I really can’t afford to fail this class and I’m stressing about what to do. Please pray that I find a solution and that the professor is willing to work something out with me. *
A few weeks ago, one of my male classmates cornered me in a music practice room and basically forced himself on me and made me give him oral sex, which was absolutely humiliating. He tried to have sex with me but didn’t succeed. Normally, I would have reported this, but this isn’t a normal situation.
This classmate and I used to be friends until he almost destroyed my relationship between me and my boyfriend. When I first met him, he had a girlfriend, who is he now married to. He’s one of those guys that’s in an “open marriage” (why bother getting married???) and he goes after all the girls. I was feeling less than attractive and important to my boyfriend at the time and I fell into this guy’s trap (he’s very charming and attractive, not to mention very persuasive) and I did things that I am not at all proud of. I eventually told him to drop dead and leave me alone and I stopped talking to him all together. Well, that was a few years ago and when you’re a music major, you tend to have the same people in all your classes, so I have classes with him and it was hard to completely ignore him without having people ask questions, so we started talking and being civil. He actually apologized very sincerely for pushing me when he knew I had a boyfriend and didn’t want to cheat. *
See next post…