I feel so humiliated


#1

Ok, and as I write this I am paranoid that the whole world knows exactly who I am and everyone at work is reading this and having a good laugh at me. But here goes.....

And I know to most people this is probably a common occurence they have learnt to deal with and are probably rolling their eyes thinking 'get over it' but to me it is a big deal... so here goes ....

And also....... just trying to think of another way to stall before I cough it up. hhhmmm clear throat .... deep breath...... cross fingers hoping that no one will laugh.......

A few months ago, I joing Catholic match hoping to meet someone. Well this guy viewed me and he really caugh my eye, so I a few weeks ago I sent him an emotiongram (sp?) to which he never replied. Ok, I got the hint but was disappointed.

Well yesterday we were on-line at the same time and I contacted him to chat. And he sent me something back saying 'maybe later'. OK, up until yesterday, I could still fool myself into believing that he never logged on to see my first attempt. But when a guy says 'maybe later' I take that to mean 'Not interested'

And now, I feel like a fool. Lord knows, I do not initiate this kind of thing often so when I do, I am really hoping to get a reply. So now, I feel like the dumbest ugliest stupidist woman who has ever walked the face of the earth.

I feel like the teenager in High School 25 years ago that was never asked to dance and always moked for being fat (even though I look back at those pictures and would give anything to be that slim again. Why I got the fat reputation is beyond me)

So..... needless to say, it is not really the guy. After all, how do I even know it really is his picture. It is more the feeling of being unlovable and less than that is resurfacing (Please NO ONE suggest counscelling)

So... in a nut shell, feel free to share how you deal with rejection, pray for me or better yet tell me how good looking I am even though you don't have a CLUE what I look like:D

Thanks

CM


#2

Dang that just stings…

He must have a terrible monitor and couldn’t see your gorgeous eyes!!!:wink:


#3

:stuck_out_tongue: Faithfully, you are awesome. Thanks for making my day !


#4

Hang in there!!!
:hug1:

I know you were kinda excited about this guy, but guess what…there are plenty of other guys out there that don’t want to play the high school games. If this guy can’t see how amazing you are and how much you have to offer, then you don’t want him. You are looking for a guy who really SEES you.

Have you tried catholicmingle.com ? I have heard alot of really good things about it and it is free to sign up. In my opinion, it doesn’t hurt to have more then 1 profile. I would suggest being 100% HONEST about who you are and what you are looking for on your profile. Also, and this goes without saying, when you 1st agree to meet someone from any dating site, do so in a public place. Panera is a good choice. They are affordable, clean, and have a nice mix of people. Usually not empty, but unless it is prime lunch time, not packed either.


#5

Thanks Mauren. But what is Paneara? I live in Canada, is that an American chain?

And yes, I would definatly keep it public and make it crystal clear I will find my own transportation to and from the agreed upon location

CM


#6

I was on Catholic Match a couple years ago, when I was 21 and single as ever. I didn’t pay for a subscription at first, but then, I got a message from someone I thought was interesting, and I couldn’t read it since I didn’t have a subscription. I spent a day or two wondering if I should spend the money (I lived at home and worked part-time at McDonald’s, so I wasn’t exactly rolling in dough), and I finally did. He had asked me a question about what I like to do in my spare time, and so I kind of told him and asked him the same. And he gave a short answer. I tried to engage him in conversation again, but he pretty much ignored me.

Call me a stereotypical woman, but by the time I decided to pay for the subscription, I was already picturing driving for a couple of hours necessary to visit him at school during the school year. :rolleyes: So I was incredibly let down.

After that, I decided I was done with CatholicMatch, at least temporarily. Nobody else was biting or seemed interesting to me. A year and a half later, I met my current boyfriend in person. It took a lot of patience and a lot of trust in God, but He brought him to me.

It’s okay to be upset and discouraged, but don’t dwell on it too long. :slight_smile: God may very well have a wonderful man out there for you, and if He doesn’t, it’s because He has something better.:thumbsup:


#7

You are this upset over one guy saying “maybe later” on an online dating site?

Maybe you should heed the advice you expect most people to give; sorry if that sounds harsh but it’s the truth:

to most people this is probably a common occurence they have learnt to deal with and are probably rolling their eyes thinking ‘get over it’

Why does my opinion matter? I also used to have an account on CM (I’m a guy), and I emoticoned and chat requested many, many girls. Probably in the low 100s. Very, very few of them responded. Did I like it? No. But should I have gotten upset about it? I think there are bigger things to worry about in life.

for a happy ending, I met my girlfriend on CM, so it’s worth a shot, but you just cannot get caught up in the small things. It is so unimportant in the long run.


#8

In canada Panera would be like a Tom Horton’s. It is just a fancy coffee shop with sandwiches, soups and a bakery.

Maybe Starbuck’s then?

I was just thinking of something better then fast food, but yet not a real restaurant where you are going to be obligated to have a meal. And if after an hour or even 5minutes, if you are not interested, it is okay to excuse yourself, and NICELY tell him that you don’t think he is the right guy. There is no reason to lead him on and I am sure he will appreciate your honesty.

Remember that it takes time to find love.


#9

[quote="ChiRho, post:7, topic:229012"]

Maybe you should heed the advice you expect most people to give; sorry if that sounds harsh but it's the truth:
.

[/quote]

I am not disagreeing getting over it is a goal to strive for but could I maybe have a little compassion along the way?


#10

Hang in there! I know it's rough, I have friends in a similar situation and they are great gals with a lot to offer. I hope it works out for you. Sending hugs and prayers your way!


#11

[quote="cmscms, post:9, topic:229012"]
I am not disagreeing getting over it is a goal to strive for but could I maybe have a little compassion along the way?

[/quote]

I'm sorry you're embarrassed, but I'm more sorry that your priorities are not in order. Take that for what you will, but people commiserating is not as helpful as you deciding that sometimes the human mind and the human heart overreact about things they shouldn't worry about, and then taking steps to change it.

I've had to do this many times. Think to yourself "is this really logical? should I really care about this? Are my emotions taking over?", and proceed from there.


#12

I think the way to handle the reaction to rejection that says, "I am uniquely unlovable" is to intellectually tell yourself that fully acceptable people find poor matches all the time. Repeat until your heart catches on or else gets bored with the lecture and moves on. You do what you can to accept that the pursuit of romance is a venture that hurts, sometimes. It's like writing: you're going to get some rejection letters, actually you're going to be rejected in that pursuit more often than not, and coping with that is what it takes for 99.99% of authors to ever get published. But unlike arranged marriages, you get the crayon. You get to make your own mistakes and find your own successes. (That is well worth it, so I suppose you can also thank Heaven that you were not born so long ago that only your parents get rejected on your behalf, until they find you the guy that they are sure suits you according to *their *criteria.)

Accept that you're disappointed, no stiff upper lip required, and give yourself time to lick your wounds. As you come around, take notes for what aspects of the situation could be changed to lower your chance of failure without also lowering your chances of success, and try not to think as if you're the only one who's ever had this happen. Spend time with friends....no drinking for you until your spirits lift, though, because alcohol is the worst medicine for feeling bad there ever was. Take very good care of yourself--comfort food and chocolate in moderate amounts, don't neglect your exercise and work, this is a flesh wound, not the end of the world--and then when the bell sounds and you are ready to reject "rebound" attractions--that is, when the hurt subsides enough that you're feeling picky on your own behalf again--get back into the ring and try again.

Sorry, but I have to say this: This is like a sprained ankle or a minor cut in a very inconvenient place (like the bottom of your foot). It hurts like all get out, it can hobble you up all out of proportion to its seriousness, but if you give the injury decent room to heal on its own, basic wound hygiene and that kind of thing, it ought to heal without outside intervention. If this hurt won't heal in a reasonable amount of time or knits badly, though, you do need to see a professional about it, OK? That is not the way to bet, though. Chances are very good that you'll get over this and little or no scarring and a story to tell.


#13

[quote="EasterJoy, post:12, topic:229012"]
I think the way to handle the reaction to rejection that says, "I am uniquely unlovable" is to intellectually tell yourself that fully acceptable people find poor matches all the time. Repeat until your heart catches on or else gets bored with the lecture and moves on. You do what you can to accept that the pursuit of romance is a venture that hurts, sometimes. It's like writing: you're going to get some rejection letters, actually you're going to be rejected in that pursuit more often than not, and coping with that is what it takes for 99.99% of authors to ever get published. But unlike arranged marriages, you get the crayon. You get to make your own mistakes and find your own successes. (That is well worth it, so I suppose you can also thank Heaven that you were not born so long ago that only your parents get rejected on your behalf, until they find you the guy that they are sure suits you according to *their *criteria.)

Accept that you're disappointed, no stiff upper lip required, and give yourself time to lick your wounds. As you come around, take notes for what aspects of the situation could be changed to lower your chance of failure without also lowering your chances of success, and try not to think as if you're the only one who's ever had this happen. Spend time with friends....no drinking for you until your spirits lift, though, because alcohol is the worst medicine for feeling bad there ever was. Take very good care of yourself--comfort food and chocolate in moderate amounts, don't neglect your exercise and work, this is a flesh wound, not the end of the world--and then when the bell sounds and you are ready to reject "rebound" attractions--that is, when the hurt subsides enough that you're feeling picky on your own behalf again--get back into the ring and try again.

Sorry, but I have to say this: This is like a sprained ankle or a minor cut in a very inconvenient place (like the bottom of your foot). It hurts like all get out, it can hobble you up all out of proportion to its seriousness, but if you give the injury decent room to heal on its own, basic wound hygiene and that kind of thing, it ought to heal without outside intervention. If this hurt won't heal in a reasonable amount of time or knits badly, though, you do need to see a professional about it, OK? That is not the way to bet, though. Chances are very good that you'll get over this and little or no scarring and a story to tell.

[/quote]

Thanks for your response EasterJoy. No worries about the alcohol, I don't drink and right now I only have healthy food in my kitchen.

As for the 'decent room to heal', I was hoping that this forum would be that room. A place where I could talk about it, have some Catholics post a few things and then go on. Of course in the heat of the moment as I write, it sounds like it is my worst problem but this is at times my heeling room. If that makes any sense

CM


#14

Just because one guy acts like that does not mean you are not attractive, as a man let me tell you a little secret, different men are attracted to different things, you are attractive just maybe not in a way that appeals to this particular man.


#15

Sweetie,it is so long since I have been dating,so I have forgot the "ground-rules" of the game,but as I see it,it is his loss and You have no reason to feel humiliated. You did nothing wrong. I know it is easy to say "get over it" but that is the only way. And when You see him,I guess that will happen,give him a big smile and say "you don't know what you miss",that will do the trick,and maybe he will call You,who knows.


#16

Think of it like this in the days before computers, we meet people and accepted that we either heard from them again or we didn't, Don't be so upset that it makes you question yourself so much. After all, you don't even know him. Walk away and chalk it up to experience.

Also for future dates in a nutshell: never give out too much personal information; never give a home phone number; always meet in a public place for the first date, get a friend to ring you half way through the date so that you can exit the date quickly if need be; ask for a recent photo (or how old posted photos are); and trust your gut instinct.

As a word of caution a quarter of people who participate in online dating are married. Married people will be extremely secretive and irregular in their communication with you. Remember the old saying - once a cheater, always a cheater.

I am sure you will be fine! :)


#17

I had an experience a few years ago. I found out via e-mail that my first-love was getting married. We were both in the ROTC program at our high school. I’m 22 now, but when this all happened I was maybe around 19 or so.

Anyway, we were both in the ROTC program and we were both active in it all 4 years of high school. We did community service together, went to team practice together, competed at drill meets together, we both held rather high positions in the unit, etc. We were almost boyfriend and girlfriend, except we never called each other on the phone (other than for ROTC stuff), and we never actually dated. But the friendship between us was really, that strong.

Then a few months after graduation she went out of state for college (alot of my other friends did too). Anyway, so I e-mailed her to see how she was doing with school and work, and what have you.

She tells me about her classes, then tells me she’s engaged, then starts talking about some sort of conference or something she was going to go to (I can’t remember what it was). After the second thing (about her getting married), I lost it. I said so much hateful stuff. No name calling or profanity though which was weird (since I always revert to that for venting). But anyhow, I had asked this girl out various number of times throughout high school (I always let her have her space though). She always told me that her parents wouldn’t let her (which even at the time I knew it sounded suspicious), but for some reason I believed it. Then all of a sudden she says, “oh, by the way, I’m engaged.” :eek::mad::eek:

That is the only time in my life I had ever felt betrayed at that level of trust. I of course sent her apology e-mails the next day. Then again a few weeks later (figuring she needed time). I couldn’t even look at her picture for more than ten seconds without bawling like a baby, literally. I thought, “Well she’s dead to me!” For some reason that helped me cope. I guess it was the similarity of the comparisons. Had she been dead, there would be nothing I could do. Just as her getting married…there was nothing I could do. So somehow that helped me cope, as crazy as it sounds.

All that happened back in '05.
It took me all of six years to get over it. I still think about it sometimes. Her and her hubby off somewhere, wondering what kind of life she’s having. The country-western song springs to mind…New York City by the Statler Brothers. That song helped me understood I wasnt alone in my feelings. The song “Seasons in the Sun” also helped me. It was a reminder that the memories of friendship between us will always be bittersweet, but to remember that the good was just as important as the bad.

But yeah, it really sucks when you get rejected. We all cope differently. Some of us still don’t. But hey, whatever works for you, go for it.


#18

I like reading Haley's Haloabout the reflections of a single Christian woman in the dating world.


#19

When I feel rejected or down I simply remember that I will be dead soon. It doesn't matter if somebody rejects me, because in a hundred or so years I will be dead and my name will be so completely wiped out that it will be as if I never even existed. It sounds strange but it really helps

Remember Ecclesiastes

Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the Teacher. "Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless.


#20

Its not about how you look.

One thing for you to understand is that there is a battle going on about your mind every hour of the day.
When a thought comes to you, then ask yourself: where does this thought come from, an do I wanna let it in?

Putting your self down is a path you don’t want so step onto, believe me. Putting yourself into a questionable light is not from God.

The guy, since he caught your eye, probably caught severel people’s eye. He might simply be busy with getting to know someone else and it has nothing to do with you.
And remember, there is no such thing as coincidence in God’s universe.


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