But you also know you have a lot to offer; Perhaps you are like me and a lot of Christians I know - they find it easier to do things for others than for themselves. Sometimes when I have to do something difficult for myself, I find it is easier if I think of “my self” as though I were another person. It is sometimes easier to put yourself out there, or to do something for yourself if you can connect with the idea that “you’d do this for someone else in the same circumstance.”
Remember “Love your neighbor as yourself” also implies you love yourself - cause otherwise you’re going to be doing bad things to your neighbor!
Don’t feel badly that there wasn’t a connection THIS TIME. Any preacher, any salesman, anyone who works with teaching or convincing people knows that it can take a lot of tries to get a few successes. (Think of how much rejection Jesus had! And He had the best thing to “sell” ever!)
Hey CM, I’ve experienced rejection on Catholic Match and Ave Maria Singles, it does hurt. Unfortunately, I have also done some rejecting as well. One thing that amazes me is how different women react to me. I have been rejected by women that I thought were pretty and accepted by women that I think are gorgeous. It really is strange. Remember, that guy can’t see all of your personality, he’s just passing you up based on the snippet he can see. Good luck in the future.
Please explain to me how not encouraging a behavior I see as self-destructive and unnecessary, and then giving genuine advice - which I have used and has worked - in order to help the person avoid this in the future is uncharitable.
Predictable. Two posts with guilt trips, the first one saying I am unchristian and second saying that I am “very far from Christ”, but zero posts justifying either position. Please message me if you would like to explain your baseless claims.
Not sure if this is helpful at all but keep in mind that “beauty is in the eyes of the beholder”.
It is a very regular thing that my friends think someone is “hot” and I just don’t see it at all. There are plenty of “models” that if they asked me to rate their looks from 1-10 would be lucky to get a 3, then there are many “average girls” that I’d give a 9! (There’s only one girl that would get a 10 and I’m lucky enough to be married to her!)
Maybe you have blond hair and this guy happens to find blond hair unattractive? Especially when you are on an online dating site there is no need to “settle” for someone you don’t find attractive. Trust me, no matter what you look like (and you sound like quite the hottie from your post (lol)) there are plenty of guys that will find you very attractive. Just relax, be yourself and wait for the right guy to come along. It will be much better in the end when you find someone that thinks your beautiful for you looks AND your personality!!
A few people have already said words to the effect of ‘don’t take it to heart’, or indeed, those exact words. Please try to treat it like water off a duck’s back.
Really, this person hasn’t met you, doesn’t know you; has no experience of ‘you’ beyond an online profile. I suspect there are people in your life who know you very well and are delighted to keep your company.
I was contemplating joining a convent and spent six months praying for guidance when I met the man who is now my husband.
Please try to give your concerns about relationships to God - He will take care of the details when the time is right. It’s hard to do, as we are inclined to worry, but He really does have your best interests at heart.
When the right person does come along you’ll wonder what all the fretting was about
I have been involved in online dating for a couple years, and I can tell you from experience that you must develop a thick skin for it. Rejection comes often. My impression is that many of the men are only after one thing. One would hope that on a Catholic site things would be different, but I haven’t been on the site you mentioned. Hopefully it is different from the others but quite frankly I would have my doubts.
(I have recently quit dating altogether, because I became aware of the Church’s teachings on dating after divorce.)
It is just too easy to forget that there is a living, breathing, human being behind the online profile. So easy to treat others callously and to discard them quickly in the hopes that a better match will come along. It’s sort of like a game, in a weird way. Just keep clicking through the profiles, making shallow contacts here and there, not realizing that people may be getting their hopes up at your attention, then getting hurt when you don’t seem interested. I don’t mean YOU of course, I am just speaking generally.
I completely understand your hurt because I felt that way too when I first forayed into the online dating world. If you desire to keep a profile there, be prepared for A LOT of rejection.
It’s uncharitable because it isn’t encouraging, and doesn’t encourage her personal growth, whether the advice is “objectively” correct or not. She obviously hasn’t had much opportunity in life to put herself out there, and these first steps are difficult. She understands that there is a response of “buck-up”, but this indicates that she needs emotional assistance, not “logical” assistance.
A kick in the petooti from a total stranger probably is not going to help her any more than the initial rejection.
HOW you deliver the message is often as important as the message delivered.
ChiRho, I hope what I have to say comes across as honest communication. I really don’t want this to turn into an argument.
But at some points, there needs to be a feeling of respect for my priorities, not judgement that they are not in order.
In another post, you stated that you had to contact over 100 people. If I was to contact 100 people that would be contacting every man within a 50 mile radius of me + or - 5 years of me. I come at it differently. I only contact him because he was the one who caught my attention the most. So I invest a lot more hope than someone who is OK contacting lots of people. Do I disrespect your approach ? No not at all. But my approach is different and I don’t feel you have respect for that and the different types of feelings it will bring.
Also, if I ever found out that a man contacting me and 5 seconds after he found out I was not interested his attitude was genuinly ‘My priorities are straight so I am not upset she rejected me’ All I would think is thank God, I declined he never really wanted to get to know me.
However, if I reject a man and I find out he is a bit hurt and would like to share with his friends about it to get over it and took a day or too to feel bad my thoughts would be totally different. I would feel flattered and pray ‘God, he seemed like a nice guy. Please help him find the girl for him’
I actually didn’t have “contact” with these 100+ people, I tried to contact them. Big difference, since most of them didn’t return the favor! I respect your decision to focus more time on each person, I did that too (in the beginning). But, I quickly realized that 1. most people won’t respond, no matter how nice you seem, and 2. even if they do respond, and their profile made them seem like prince/princess charming, they might be completely boring to talk to.
Both of these scenarios occurred. So I took online dating for what it is - a good tool to “sift” through, especially for people with specific criteria (like we have, since we’re Catholics).
What I meant by priorities was just that I think it is best to distance yourself emotionally from it. Just see how many people you can talk to. Now I’m not saying talk for the sake of talking, but realize that rejection is frequent (as my story attests), and the more contact you have, 1. the less rejection will sting, 2. and the more success you’ll have!
Seems like a win win to me
BTW, I do agree there should be some civility - if a girl sent me an emotigram and I wasn’t interested, I sent back a “thanks!” emotigram. Just a gentle way of saying no, but not being unkind about it. I don’t think being online gives you an excuse to be rude to people, and we can all agree on that.