I filed for divorce


#1

So many of you are aware of my situation - the other week I ended up having to file six police reports in one week ranging from vandalism to fraud and harassment against my husband and gf and her friends. Everything that was done was right on the line of legal or has been impossible to prove it is him. I am leaving very shortly and going back to my parents. His exwife has been staying with me and helping me out and I have made a new friend who has now met the real version of Catholicism and not the one he used to control and abuse.

Now my ex and his friends since he can’t get to me have taken to going after his ex’s daughter since she has now filed molestation charges. I have had it and I did something I said I would never do - I started the process of filing for divorce. I only had 4 priests tell me to do it so I am pretty confident I am doing the right thing. I just wanted to share this because in not all circumstances is the one who is served the one who has been wronged as sometimes we are so quick to think.

The funny part - or at least the ironic part- is that after all of that he has been running down saying he left me for adultery. this is so far fetched I laughed when I heard it because I am still not seeing anyone and have no plans to do so until the anullment and some serious healing if ever.

thanks all. God bless.


#2

I will pray for you. You are not wrong in getting a civil divorce and for waiting for an annulment and I wish you the very best.

God bless you.


#3

Praying that everything works out and that you can find peace :gopray:

PATER NOSTER, qui es in caelis, sanctificetur nomen tuum. Adveniat regnum tuum. Fiat voluntas tua, sicut in caelo et in terra. Panem nostrum quotidianum da nobis hodie, et dimitte nobis debita nostra sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribus nostris. Et ne nos inducas in tentationem, sed libera nos a malo. Amen.

AVE MARIA, gratia plena, Dominus tecum. Benedicta tu in mulieribus, et benedictus fructus ventris tui, Iesus. Sancta Maria, Mater Dei, ora pro nobis peccatoribus, nunc, et in hora mortis nostrae. Amen.

GLORIA PATRI, et Filio, et Spiritui Sancto. Sicut erat in principio, et nunc, et semper, et in saecula saeculorum. Amen.


#4

May God continue to Guide you as He has so far.

I was happily struck by this comment: “His exwife has been staying with me and helping me out and I have made a new friend who has now met the real version of Catholicism and not the one he used to control and abuse.”

How wonderful that, through your trials, this other woman is able to know Truth and strength.

Peace
James


#5

I am soo sorry for all you are going through…and, yeah. You must have the patience of Job. I left my husband for MUCH less. Hell, my ex is a saint in comparison…
(we are separated, live in different states, and I have our son, by mutual agreement).

I wish you well with your divorce proceedings…and hope the ex does not drag it out, like so many divorce proceedings seem to…seems like the lawyers actually encourage the mess. Sad.

That’s why the ex and I have yet to approach any lawyer. Kinda sad, as we have no conflicts. All we would have to do is make the separation permanent and legal…but b/c there’s a child involved (which I am happy ***fully ***supporting, btw) we are looking @ 2 thou, minim. Pfft.

As to the annulment. I wish you well, also. Can’t say as I know anything about that, though.


#6

I know there’s a reason God had me stumble over these forums full of people in a church I have absolutely no belief in whatsoever, but who’s pain and grief is tearin my heart out:crying:

I don’t know if anybody else is getting as tired of hearing me say this as I am, but my heart goes out to you. I really do mean that. Please don’t let this mess make you hard as easy as you probably think that is for me to say. You’ll be the one who pays in the long run.

The last few months (didn’t start here) has me rethinking what I believe God may have planned for myself and my family to do. (nevermind, thinkin out loud)


#7

Tribulus - anytime you want to talk and not think out loud feel free to PM and you will have a confidential ear. Sometimes God works through other people.

I am taking some time for counseling because after divorce, anullment, etc I do not want to hurt anyone else by making them into a “rebound relationship.” No one else should be hurt by this mess. Too many have been hurt as it is.


#8

Oh my gosh...I'm sorry to hear this joan. I have been off of here for a while...my husband and I have been going through struggles...but we are going to try to see things through...my prayers are with you. I had no idea things had gotten this bad, joan.


#9

You know most people would disagree with a divorce, but im not against divorce because i know (even from personal experiences) that sometimes its just the right thing to do!

so your husband was abusive and now hes molesting little girls?
this is one of the sickest situations ive ever heard, i am so sorry you had to go through this, but you will be free soon enough! keep your head up girl, youll pass this.


#10

The funny thing is I have not had one person tell me I am doing the wrong thing - I have truly given it everything I have and I KNOW that I have done everything I could. Because of the extra time I spent trying I got to learn more - which will be used for the anullment statement.

Thanks wg, sorry to hear about your troubles - please PM - it would do me some good to help someone else.


#11

woahh wait a second. are you the girl that was talking about how her husband was watching porn and doing drugs or whatever. and that he was like swirving through traffic with you in the car?
is this who you are?


#12

No wrong girl.


#13

[quote="joandarc2008, post:12, topic:211483"]
No wrong girl.

[/quote]

oh lol, sorry about that. anyways, just from what ive heard in your post here, i can tell that hes not worth it. molesting girls and abusing you...
yea hes out the window. you will find somebody again though, im sure of it.
we have about 7 billion people on this planet, you'll find love again. :)


#14

[quote="joandarc2008, post:10, topic:211483"]
The funny thing is I have not had one person tell me I am doing the wrong thing - I have truly given it everything I have and I KNOW that I have done everything I could. Because of the extra time I spent trying I got to learn more - which will be used for the anullment statement.

[/quote]

That's the thing - That extra effort really helps one to know they have not "bailed" but have given their all before taking that next step. It makes healing a lot easier.

Of course having the extra infromation for the Annulment is good as well. These things speak to a deep underlying defect that was present before your marriage.

Peace
James


#15

I have been working on my anullment statement now while everything is fresh - this is the last paragraph - just wanted to know what everyone thinks of my plans:

This is my statement. I am requesting annulment on the grounds that he was deceptive on grounds of psychiatric history, deceptive on grounds of religious belief, and deceptive on intent to stay faithful. I believe that some day there can be a true Sacramental marriage with a truly Christ-like man for me as I know that the man I married although he portrayed himself in this manner never was a man that believed in the Church teachings. He only believed in the Church teachings that allowed him to manipulate and control. When I read the 1992 USCCB statement, “When I call for help,” it touched me in so many ways because that was how I lived the last two years. I realize now that I have through this statement and discernment realized my calling. The divorce has been difficult and luckily I had resources and family that could help me – but it was still a very lonely, difficult time for me. I would like to develop a network of legal, social services, domestic shelters, clergy, and canon advocates that can help families fleeing these types of situations. Whether I receive this annulment or not I know that suffering serves many purposes under God. One purpose is to unite us to Christ in His passion. The other is to teach or guide us. God bless you all


#16

[quote="joandarc2008, post:1, topic:211483"]
So many of you are aware of my situation - the other week I ended up having to file six police reports in one week ranging from vandalism to fraud and harassment against my husband and gf and her friends. Everything that was done was right on the line of legal or has been impossible to prove it is him. I am leaving very shortly and going back to my parents. His exwife has been staying with me and helping me out and I have made a new friend who has now met the real version of Catholicism and not the one he used to control and abuse.

Now my ex and his friends since he can't get to me have taken to going after his ex's daughter since she has now filed molestation charges. I have had it and I did something I said I would never do - I started the process of filing for divorce. I only had 4 priests tell me to do it so I am pretty confident I am doing the right thing. I just wanted to share this because in not all circumstances is the one who is served the one who has been wronged as sometimes we are so quick to think.

The funny part - or at least the ironic part- is that after all of that he has been running down saying he left me for adultery. this is so far fetched I laughed when I heard it because I am still not seeing anyone and have no plans to do so until the anullment and some serious healing if ever.

thanks all. God bless.

[/quote]

hi joan,

iam really sorry to hear of all the troubles your being subjected too. trust in Jesus, and lean on Him. let the authorities take care of him. i pray that this stops for you, and that your able to get on with your life and that it becomes a thing of the past and stays in the past. i went thru a really bad relationship myself a long time ago, and even long after it ended, the guy stalked me. he ended up in jail and i never heard from him since and this was 24 years ago. he tried to haunt me for 2 years after i left. i even had to legally change my name and move to a different town far away to get away from him. :( i had no contact with my family either as i feared he'd try to go after them and demand to know where i was. (they never would have told him regardless) it took me a very long time to trust men after that bad relationship. i did eventually, but it took years to trust men. i still have the occasional issue with trusting men with my feelings, but not as bad as it was then. coming home to the Catholic faith has taught me a lot about people, and how to open up to God. trust with me is earned and not given freely, but it is to God. i completely trust Him. i pray that you'll find peace and that this blows away in your life like a bad storm, and then you'll feel the warm rays of the Son, Jesus.

thinking of you,

MerryCatholic.


#17

[quote="joandarc2008, post:15, topic:211483"]
I have been working on my anullment statement now while everything is fresh - this is the last paragraph - just wanted to know what everyone thinks of my plans:

[/quote]

Have you met with an advocate yet? I would wait putting together a statement until you do as they will help you to write it.


#18

I have been in touch with two - a deacon down here and one up North where I will actually be filing when I get there as that is where I will be residing when my divorce becomes legal. The deacon up North is actually also a religious brother as well. The point is whether or not I keep this in or not it is what I am planning to do with my life when I get up North that is the point I am making.


#19

If you are asking about the idea of developing a network for people “fleeing fleeing these types of situations”, I think that it is a laudable goal. As to whether it is an appropriate thing to include in an annulment request I couldn’t say.
In this matter you must be guided by your advocate and not by us here…

Peace
James


#20

Looking for opinions on the former than the latter.


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