I give up dating


#1

I am fet up with dating and I will not do it again. I am tired of when I ask a girl out she says “I don’t want a bf right now” then a few weeks later she has one. I am sick of girls ignoring. From now on I am going to focus on my life and not on the hope of some girls liking my because girls don’t like me. I am 21 and I cant get a date so God must be calling be to be single. So I am staying single.


#2

I’m sorry you are struggling. You’ll be in my prayers…

You didn’t mention your age?.. (edited to add… okay, you DID! I’m just old and blind! :smiley: )
God had a plan for each of us… in HIS time you may be called to marriage, and maybe not… prayer will guide us to His will.

BTW - my husband said he was “giving up” just before meeting me. He’s 10 years older than me and we didn’t start dating until he was 29…
All in God’s time.

Peace and prayers for you…


#3

Boy have I been in your shoes! :stuck_out_tongue:

But 21 isn’t too late to meet your spouse, you know. DH didn’t meet me until he was 28…:slight_smile: And I didn’t meet him until I was 21…

Just keep praying for your future spouse and focus on making yourself the man who will deserve the woman of your dreams! :thumbsup:


#4

It’s a really tough one, I used to find a lot of girls weren’t interested in me because I was too deep, or because I wasn’t interested in having sex with them. It didn’t alter my path and I ended up meeting someone who immediately fell as deeply in love with me as I did with her and now we have the happiest marriage imaginable. The Lord works in mysterious ways!
:thumbsup:


#5

I didn’t go on my first date until I was 21, so I know what you mean.

But perhaps you could be just like me, ended up marrying the first one, and it couldn’t have been better:)

Don’t forget the words of Jesus “What God has brought together.” This means it’s on his timing, not ours. If it’s intended for you, your time will come when it is right as He decides.


#6

My DH was pretty much a “loser” with women too. He didn’t fit the stereotypical mold of what they were looking for, so he was the nice guy who finished last. He was serious about his faith, determined not to repeat his youthful mistake and have meaningless sex, and he’s quiet. Even I didn’t think he was that great looking when we started dating. But as I got to know him, he became more and more attractive to me. That saying, “Still waters run deep,” is so true. He is awesome, and I am so blessed.

Focusing on achieving your goals is a good thing to do at your age. And eventually, you may meet a woman who appreciates you and loves you for who you are. Don’t totally close the door. Cuz that quiet, loser, nice guy I married is now a father of 5, madly in love with and loved by his wife! It happens! :smiley:


#7

21 is young but you can still pray that someday when searching for your soulmate, with God’s help, you will find one. Right now, spending more time with God and helping out community are great time.

I did pray for a good wife when I wasn’t thinking about having a girlfriend, but I eavedropped a conversation of my mom and her young friend about praying for a good husband. :smiley: I kept that in mind about 7 years or so later and used the same method.

I now have a very good girlfriend who helps me so much in my spiritual life. :slight_smile:


#8

Well, you’re 21, so I’m taking it you won’t be marrying too soon? I’m saying this because while we may need a wife, we don’t need a girlfriend (which is an intermediary stage and that’s it).

You have a beer on me… if it ever happens. I could swap tales, except getting jaded serves no good purpose. At your age and younger, women aren’t very collected. In fact, in this day and age, they’re probably less mature than late-teenagers were a couple of decades ago. They don’t mean ill, most of the time, and they either believe what they say or they lie to spare your feelings or they lie to avoid difficult truth. Not so many actually choose to play with someone’s feelings. Remember that bad experience is more readily remembered than good experience or lack of experience. As a result, it may pile up and appear to be more than it really is.

If I were to say, Catholic guys get a bad ranking among silly women because they are not “sexy”, they don’t say “sexy” things and they don’t make a woman feel the way she thinks she wants to feel these days - in other words, they don’t comply with young women’s lemming ways, nor do they offer thrill or excitement, at least of the kind that’s typically sought.


#9

I gave up dating, … after praying about it before the Blessed Sacrament.

I was able to get dates but those whom I was meeting in person did not share my beliefs. There were in fact some very decent men that I was finding on a Catholic singles website, only none of them seemed to be meant for me, no matter how nice they were.

Some say I should consider a late vocation to the religious life.

You’re young … Pray about your vocation.

~~ the phoenix


#10

Do you have any idea why girls aren’t interested in you? Maybe you’re a little too nervous around them for example.


#11

Oh, boy , do I know what you mean. I was raised in a very old fashioned home and I felt like an old maid by 21.

I dated rarely but was so desparate and lonely that I went out with anyone who asked me. Big mistake because I didn’t take the time to get to know those guys before I went on a date, so I would break up with a guy, feel crummy for quite a while, go out with another bad match, and follow that pattern for several years.

I met my husband when I was 24.

My life at the age of 48 is SO different from what I hoped for and expected at 21. I expected to be a stay at home wife and mother, just like the women I grew up with. Instead, I own a business that my late husband and I started, I had cancer, surgery, chemo, etc. So many changes over the years that I never, ever expected or planned for.

Now at the very old age of 48, after being married for 20 years and now having a daughter, two grandchildren and being widowed, I hope to give you encouragement.

I have a daughter in your age range, I know her friends, girls she went to high school with, and I was a volunteer coach for girls sports during the high school years. So here are my words of wisdom.

Many girls/women in your age group are not really very serious about life. Many (or most) are influenced by the media, Brittany Spears, Lilo, etc. Most are not ready for a deep, serious relationship. Many are still interested in men with cool cars, men who look pretty like the models on TV, etc. These are the very women/girls you don’t want to get serious with. They are searching for what they want and bouncing around from this trend to that trend but many are not ready for a “nice guy”.

Be patient. Make friends with both women and men. A calm, stable, good hearted “nice guy” with a nice smile on his face becomes more and more attractive as women grow up. Get involved with a group or organization YOU like - Sierra Club, volunteering at a homeless shelter, be an usher at church (so nice women actually see you in Church), neighborhood association, YMCA, etc. Perhaps you will meet a woman who has the same interests you have, but participate in groups/activities that YOU like, not just to catch a woman. If your hope is to have a wife who can be a stay at home Mom, pay attention to your job/career and be smart with your money so when you do meet and marry you will be in a better position for this (and it makes you more attractive to a responsible, mature woman).

Life looks dark and lonely right now, but it will not always be that way. Trust God, he knows what he is doing. I promise.:thumbsup:


#12

Good. Become the best person you can. Develop your talents and interests. Volunteer. Go on mission trips.

Become the person God wants you to be. Not the person a girl might want you to be.


#13

You know, I used to say over and over again to my sister and my friends in highschool “I don’t want a boyfriend” “I’m not boy crazy” “I don’t care how cute he is” etc etc

I’m the only one married from the group so far. :smiley:

Maybe you have a desparate vibe going on? The ole’ “I don’t want a bf right now” is classic double speak for “something about you isn’t what I want”


#14

No no no no no no no. The fact you are 21 and can’t get a date is not necessarily a sign God is calling you to be single; 21 is too young to make that assessment. I do see it as a sign that the women you are meeting are liars or have their brains screwed on backwards, or that maybe you are looking in the wrong places.

Where are you meeting these types? Bars? Health club/gym? School? Work? Church?


#15

I can understand that you’re frustrated. To be honest sometimes waiting for my future husband can get quite lonely.Not to mention that I’m really impatient! It’s important to remember the big picture though. If God hasn’t enabled me to meet him yet it must be that the timing’s not right- perhaps I have to work on being a good wife on really understanding the incredible gift and sacrament of marriage and what it will mean to give my whole life to someone else. Just keep praying and hoping- She’s out there somewhere:) I’m 20 and haven’t gone on a date & yet I still hope to marry young. Pray for your future spouse and give her to God every day. Hang in there

God Bless


#16

Dating is difficult, especially in today’s world. It i very hard to find good catholic people to date. I met my HUbby at Church, after I had come to the realization that any guy I date I will either marry or break up with. I decided that if the guy isn’t worth marrying he isn’t worth dating. My advice s to pray and not worry too much about dating. If yo are meant to get married, you will. Just enjoy peoples friendships, some of the best marriages began as great friendships


#17

I know where you’re coming from. I get frustrated with the dating world myself. It seems all I run into are players, abusers and scared of commitment christian guys…:rolleyes: I’m pretty much giving up myself at this point. Being the old fashioned type I wouldn’t ask a guy out. Tried that never worked for me. So where does that leave us. Well I’m in my late 30s so I’ve seen a lot of water under the bridge so to say but you’re only 21 and have years yet. I wouldn’t give up the game till you have some experience playing. I know it seems rough but in your age range people are still learning and growing and evolving into maturity. Give it time. At my age all that is pretty much determined and change is harder.:shrug: Pray for God to lead you to the right lady and maybe you are ready but she isn’t quite yet so keep the faith. In my case well I’ve still got a little hope but unless someone really special shows up I’m probably calling it a day. :cool: Being single isn’t so bad. :eek: :slight_smile:


#18

Boy does this sound familiar. Well, here’s the positive I can give you…in my day, often times when a bunch of women would cross my path was when I genuinely didn’t care. Maybe that will work well for you. But of course those kinds of days come and go, and I’m still single… http://www.forumsextreme.com/imgs1/sCo_watchout.gif

The other thing I would say, is that while many in good faith will try to find out “what you are doing wrong” in your methods, I tend to find this to be a futile exercise. You are probably not doing anything wrong. (take a look at some of the married people out there…trust me, they didn’t have any magical methods…) In fact you should be yourself as much as possible. The improvements in your life you should seek are the virtues to which Christ has called us. Humility. Charity. Patience. Prayer life. Etc… Those are the kinds of things that make anyone attractive.


#19

If they don’t like you, that’s their loss - that should be your attitude. Focusing in on life/work/school etc… is not always a bad idea; I was trying to hard to find a girlfriend at one point. I didn’t find a gf (now my wife), until I stopped trying so hard. I just concentrated on being myself, and not ‘putting on a show’ for anyone. The woman I married saw me for who I really am, not for what I wanted her to believe through a ‘dating’ show.

As marcopolo (above) mentioned, there is no ‘magic method’. I’m sure it is more of an ‘accidental method’. Can anyone second this?


#20

21 and you’re gonna give up dating?? :confused:

You are at a difficult time in a man’s life. The zone between kid and adult. So much life experience looms ahead for you.

It has been my experience females like confident, optimistic, funny, and self reliant men. From your post it appears you might be lacking in those areas? Relax! As you live your life you gain all those important traits, and by the time you’re 27 or 28, if you’ve been paying attention, your pool to pick from will be double what it is now.

And if ya wanna know the truth, a man does not reach his peak to his late 30s to mid 40s. It takes that long to gather all the things a man needs to know. Trust me on that LOL.

Many girls your age, don’t even answer the phone for a 21 year old guy, they prefer older guys. Just how it is.

But you’re not gonna get anywhere sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, up to you on what ya wanna do next. God will present the doors, but you’re the one that has to walk through.

But if ya rather sit around at age 21 watching movies or web surfing, its your call.


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