I got a BIG problem.


#1

Hello all, in case anyone remembers me, i was on here a while back. I just watched The passion again and i would like to get your opinion on something. I am 16 now and for a while i have had a while with ssa. I have gone all out and found myself turning away from the Catholic Church because I feel like there is no room for people like me there. I have just gone whild, I have been watching pornography and I go to confession every once in a while, but i have never told the priest what kinda porn I watch, because porn is porn in my opinion. Do you think i should tell the priest what kinda porn, i REALLY feel uncomfortable telling him this because in my city, i can only go face to face, and my parents wont take me anywhere besides my parish. I also have a problem with the ssa. I really hate it, i ask God everynight to please take this away from me so that i can serve him, ( since I was real young, I have always wanted to become a priest). I ammaking my confirmation pertty soon and i also feel unworthy to recieve the sacrament, so that is why i am thinking of dropping outta CCD. PLEASE, PLEASE, people help me, I am still under the care of my parents and if i told them about my SSA, I know my father would be so ashamed, probley dis-own me. I cant go to a support group because i would have to ask my parents for a ride, and I don’t want them to know. So I ask you people, please give me some advice, and pleasePLEASE pray for me to help me get over my addiction.


#2

Tell you priest what kind of porn it is. The fact that you keep thinking you should but then justify it by saying “porn is porn” means that you are NOT being honest with yourself and you need to recieve the graces that will come to you by allowing yourself to be open to the point of doing something hard.

If it helps ask if you can sit facing the wall or just close your eyes.

-D


#3

Your priest has heard worse. We all know how hard it is to go to confession and not wanting to b/c we are embarrassed, but I’m sure all of us are glad we did. I know you will be too. You need to let your priest know exactly what’s going on so he will better understand and be able to try to help you. Just think about how much better you’ll feel starting out all over with a clean slate. Your priest would not even be a priest if he was just going to judge you and think less of you b/c of your struggle. Your priest loves Jesus. He will feel compassion for you and be happy for you that you are at confession. Ask Our Lady to pray for you and with you and ask your guardian angel to help you have the courage to do what you know you have to do. God bless you, I’ll be praying for you.


#4

If it’s hard pornography, then I would just tell him it’s hard pornography. He’ll know what you mean. Believe me, priests understand a lot more than you may think. We are not required to get into every detail and if the priest wants to know more he will ask. Have the courage to come right out and tell him what ever else your sins related to this are. Again sordid details are not required (as far as I know). It’s only a short period of discomfort, but you’ll joyous afterwards.

You have to be mature enough to understand the role of human sexuality as designed by Our Father. The pornography is a serious problem. Stay away from it - period. I know this is hard because of the temptation, but think about it, pornography is a terrible misuse of human sexuality and spits on our dignity. You are better than that, we all are.

It’s not always easy to fight temptation but you must learn to do it. It’s like many sinful habits, once you quit, it’s wasy to forget it. The inability to quit makes you realize what slave Satan has made you. You can break free - have the courage and never look back. There’s a lot of psychology and head games involved. I think Sata is behind a lot of that too.

“The sins of the flesh is death” - St. Paul. It’s serious.

Find something else to do that you will enjoy much more and keep close to the Lord.

Do you like cars? Make sports cars a hobby.
Do you like sports? Pick a sport and become the best.
Do you like computers? For me, I thoroughly enjoy programming and this is one of my interests.
Do you like to read? Find a great book.
Do you like movies? (just be careful which ones:-) )
Stamp, Coin, Card collecting?
Video Games (again choose wisely)

Pick something and become the world expert at it.


#5

The priests are much more understanding than you think. They are well aware of the sins people fall into.


#6

Don’t drop out of CCD and don’t think you can’t be confirmed because you have a sin you struggle with. Sixteen year olds have more trouble than older people with breaking addictions… this is why you aren’t allowed porn and alcohol, even according to secular people who think it is okay for adults.

I have news for you. Priests are guys–not just human beings, but GUYS–and they were all sixteen once. Your pastor doesn’t have to have seen what you have seen to know how he might well have reacted to it at 16. But you should tell him in detail if you honestly feel it would make a difference, because that means that in your case it certainly does. You can do it. Remember… he is a guy.

As for your addiction, it may or may not truly be an addiction. Do try to think of something positive to substitute for it. (Do you have any idea how many jokes there are about why Catholic high schools have such great sports teams?) And in one of your sane, devout moments, remove the ocassions of sin. That’s right, get rid of them, kiddo, irrevocably. You can do it. Then make a plan for what behavior you’re going to substitute the next time you struggle with this. And by the way, ask your pastor about the logistics of getting you into some sort of support group. He may have some ideas you haven’t considered, like finding you a “buddy” you can call, even if you can’t go to meetings.

Finally, take your calling seriously. Someday a sixteen year old boy may be very relieved to meet a man of the cloth who somehow really knows what he is struggling with. Of course you aren’t worthy. No one is. The best priests are the ones who are humble enough to realize it, but who still don’t give in to despair. Those are the ones God can really use. Pursue that vocation unless and until God calls you off, and have your shoes on, should He call you back to it later.

You’ll be in my prayers. Via con Dios.


#7

[quote=Greg_McPherran]Think of how ironic it is that you can’t face the priest with your sins but you have just confided in a huge group of people here on the internet.

The priests are much more understanding than you think. They are well aware of the sins people fall into.
[/quote]

But thats the thing, yall cant see me.


#8

[quote=rianredd1088]But thats the thing, yall cant see me.
[/quote]

But you know, that’s why it won’t be the same to have support from us. Your pastor will look you in the eye and support you, forgive you. God gave us that sacrament so we would have an outward sign that we could really trust in. God is calling you… don’t be afraid.


#9

Gay men arn’t welcome to become priest, this really hurts me because I have always wanted to be one. Sometimes I cry because of the fact that I, a believer in christ, cannot become one, because i have a little problem, look, yes i look at porn, but when i started struggling with ssa, i told myself " I think having sex with another man is nasty", and to tell you the truth, i believe it is Still wrong. You wont see me on the streets in some GAY pride march because i am not Proud. Because of the churches views on homosexuallity, That in my opinion gives me a reason to give into these tempations because i feel that i cant be a christian and be gay, so im ganna do whatever i want. I often find myself crying after doing it, but i do. I do NOT support gay marriage, i believe marriage is between a man and a woman. so there ya’ll go.


#10

[quote=rianredd1088]But thats the thing, yall cant see me.
[/quote]

Yes, but the priest will not hold your sins against you. He acts in Jesus’ name only and has a duty to have no attitude toward you regarding your sins. You must trust this.

I know it’s hard. It’s worth it to keep a good relationship with Jesus. This system of accountability the Church has is good because it makes us look at ourselves and you seem willing to cooperate with Jesus and His Church. Go to confession and avoid this sin and you’ll be happy. This is the gift of forgiveness that Jesus gives you. That is why He died on the cross, so your pornography and other sins, and all our sins can be forgiven. So, accept the forgiveness and stop offending Him - it’s really very simple except you may have trouble giving it up - that’s the internal struggle - you can break free. You have free will.


#11

Our sexual inclinations and our sexual behavior are two different things. Don’t confuse the two. Whether a man is inclined heterosexually or homosexually, he can still be a priest (as far as I know) as long as he is 100% commited to living a celibate life without sexual activity.

So you certainly may be a priest.

If you have homosexual inclinations this is just an area that you must gain self mastery over just like so many other areas in life that Christians must gain self mastery over.

Impure thoughts can occur - yours happen to be homosexual. Either way, we must all not act on these thoughts and try to focus on God and more holy activities by God’s grace.


#12

peace be with you! it was very courageous of you to post that here. i think that it could do you a lot of good to go to this website… couragerc.net/ read the things that are on the web and e-mail them through the site. while i do not share your struggle with SSA, i do know that this group has helped many people with it. continue to pray…seek the infinite Mercy of Our Lord in confession, and yes, i would suggest you tell the priest about your struggle and what kind of porn it is. if he knows just what you are struggling with, he can probably give you better advice on breaking the habit and carrying your cross. i will keep you in prayer. God love you.


#13

Regarding the pornography, due to your discussion of SSA, I am starting to think you are referring to a certain type of pornography. If that’s the case then I would consider this an important thing to tell the priest.


#14

[quote=Greg_McPherran]Our sexual inclinations and our sexual behavior are two different things. Don’t confuse the two. Whether a man is inclined heterosexually or homosexually, he can still be a priest (as far as I know) as long as he is 100% commited to living a celibate life without sexual activity.

So you certainly may be a priest.

If you have homosexual inclinations this is just an area that you must gain self mastery over just like so many other areas in life that Christians must gain self mastery over.

Impure thoughts can occur - yours happen to be homosexual. Either way, we must all not act on these thoughts and try to focus on God and more holy activities by God’s grace.
[/quote]

OK, NOW I WAS SO HAPPY WHEN I SAW THIS, BUT I SWEAR I HEAR MANY AROUND THIS FORUM SAY THAT YOU CANNOT BE GAY AND BE A PRIEST. MAYBE THEY ARE REFERRING TO A GAY LIFE STYLE. THEY ARE ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT KEEPING GAYS OUTTA THE SEMINARY, SO DID I MISS UNDERSTAND AND THIS MEANS A GAY “LIFESTYLE”, AND NOT SOMEONE WHO IS, BUT LIVES A CHASTE LIFE, AND WAHTS TO SERVE THE LORD?


#15

Perhaps others can comment, but I am almost positive that you can be a priest even if you have homosexual inclinations. The important thing is to live chastely. Even heterosexuals can have an occasional homosexual impure thought. Again, the key thing is to live chastely.


#16

[quote=rianredd1088]Gay men arn’t welcome to become priest, this really hurts me because I have always wanted to be one. Sometimes I cry because of the fact that I, a believer in christ, cannot become one, because i have a little problem, look, yes i look at porn, but when i started struggling with ssa, i told myself " I think having sex with another man is nasty", and to tell you the truth, i believe it is Still wrong. You wont see me on the streets in some GAY pride march because i am not Proud. Because of the churches views on homosexuallity, That in my opinion gives me a reason to give into these tempations because i feel that i cant be a christian and be gay, so im ganna do whatever i want. I often find myself crying after doing it, but i do. I do NOT support gay marriage, i believe marriage is between a man and a woman. so there ya’ll go.
[/quote]

I wouldn’t be so fast with that. You’re sixteen. You are in a Niagra Falls of testosterone. Do not think for a single minute that your life is cast in stone, or that your fantasy life will always be as turbulent as it is now. I hate to tell you this, but there is nothing remotely sexual that a 16 year old male isn’t prone to fantasize about. Not that all of them do, but it is not uncommon for men who now consider themselves straight to go through what you’re struggling with now. Let God get you through today, and if He calls, for goodness sake, you follow. The only bit of tomorrow you have to worry about is the planning and preparation that belongs to the work of today. He gives no strength to bear crosses that aren’t on your shoulders yet.

You will never, ever go wrong by listening what God has to say to you instead of listening to your own "yeah, but"s. Moses was full of 'em, Jeremiah was full of 'em, God had none of it. Spend some time listening to what God has to say to you. Don’t do all the talking, and when you do talk, spend as much time in praise and thanksgiving and gratitude as you do in grief over your sins. Spend some time in nature and just be grateful for all His Love. And I know you’re sixteen and maybe this is asking for the impossible, but try not to obsess about sex quite so much. If you read the Gospels, Jesus doesn’t spend much time on that. St. Paul doesn’t even spend all his time on that. That is because the source of all purity is the love of God, not obsessing about what thoughts make you feel guilty.

If being gay is His choice and not yours, then He had some reason for it and He will call you to a life that fits you as He made you, whether or not that includes being a priest. To do His Will is still the only thing that will give you a life of joy. Hang in there, and let gratitude help you stay out of discouragement. I’m a woman, I couldn’t be a priest, either. He didn’t lead St. Francis to the priesthood, but He had a thing or two for him to do. There are many paths to single-hearted service to God. God bless you for loving that desire. Dare to keep loving the desire for God you have been blessed with. In that, He will NEVER be let you be put to shame. And if God wants you to be a priest, be assured that He will make you into a fine and holy one.


#17

I’ve been where you are not, and true, it’s no picnic. I lived a lifestyle that not just devistated my soul to emptiness, but I was on ‘automatic pilot’. It is by prayers from my brother and the Grace of God that I was able to break free and now live a chaste, pure lifestyle. The ssa has practically disapeared!

How did I do it, I’ll tell you.
Get rid of anything that reminds you of what you are going through. I wasn’t into porn but that is the FIRST THING you need to get rid of. Tapes, Pics, Computer files, music, etc. ALL OF IT MUST GO!
Although it may hurt, you need to get rid of the people and places and things that remind you of the ssa. If you walk to areas where thoughts or certain people hang out, don’t go there. Take another route.
Where is your computer? If it is in your room, get it out of there! You can’t go through the agony you are going through and complicate things more by hiding the desire to look at porn. Put a website blocker on your computer.

Where are your parents in all of this?
Are they, in general, concerned about your computer use? If your parents are devout Catholics, then they should have suggested to have a siteblocker on your computer.

There is another tread here on the Spiritual Forum, I am sure you may have found it, look at this site to.

I certainly will pray for you!

go with God!
Edwin


#18

[quote=Edwin1961]I’ve been where you are not, and true, it’s no picnic. I lived a lifestyle that not just devistated my soul to emptiness, but I was on ‘automatic pilot’. It is by prayers from my brother and the Grace of God that I was able to break free and now live a chaste, pure lifestyle. The ssa has practically disapeared!

How did I do it, I’ll tell you.
Get rid of anything that reminds you of what you are going through. I wasn’t into porn but that is the FIRST THING you need to get rid of. Tapes, Pics, Computer files, music, etc. ALL OF IT MUST GO!
Although it may hurt, you need to get rid of the people and places and things that remind you of the ssa. If you walk to areas where thoughts or certain people hang out, don’t go there. Take another route.
Where is your computer? If it is in your room, get it out of there! You can’t go through the agony you are going through and complicate things more by hiding the desire to look at porn. Put a website blocker on your computer.

Where are your parents in all of this?
Are they, in general, concerned about your computer use? If your parents are devout Catholics, then they should have suggested to have a siteblocker on your computer.

There is another tread here on the Spiritual Forum, I am sure you may have found it, look at this site to.

I certainly will pray for you!

go with God!
Edwin
[/quote]

You may additionally want to check out the web site [/font]. This is a Chrisitian based counseling resource headed by Dr. Doug Weiss who is himself a recovering sex addict. They do offer confidential telephone counseling.

God Bless.


#19

greatest day of my young life at age 14 when i found my brothers playboy VHS tape in his closet… spent MANY hours wide eyed and jaw dropped watching those ladies. i’ve since gotten past the whole porn thing (most of the time), but man, if there are any of us guys who didn’t get our first anatomy lessons from a girlie mag, i’d be surprised. i wouldn’t kick yourself too much over this one… you’ll see life move by pretty fast and the porn thrill usually gets old after a while. if it’s gay porn, i have no experience in that, but i think its the same idea, it’s exposure to something you are courious to see… it’s not like you’re going out to bars and soliciting for sex… take it for what it is, confess it and tell satan to go ‘f’ himself. remember that satan is a powerless wannabe punk who loves making us feel powerless to change. he is the lowest form of scum in the universe who no matter how big he ruffles his feathers, he’s just a punk loser God wannabe who never made the grade. he’s the ultimate loser and would love for you to share that feeling with him.
go tell the priest in confession and keep trying, there isn’t much he hasn’t heard in the confessional and watching some porn tapes i’m sure isn’t really that high on his list of damnable offenses.


#20

i know one priest who says that it’s probably a grace from God that he and most other priests he has spoken with often find themselves unable to remember who said what sin.

another priest has told me that the only confession that will shock him is if someone tells him, “Father, I committed a successful suicide.” sometimes priests have a good sense of humor about things.


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