I hate grief !!!!!!!!!!


#1

Again, for the past few days I have been ‘antsy’. I have no energy to clean my apartment yet disgusted by living in the mess. I have been resentful over things and such. And then it hit me this morning as I was working out, I am upset about father’s day without my dad. My Dad died last may, so when father’s day came around, I was grieving so it was really a set back. To be honest, I don’t even remember it.

But after a year of moving on and slowly accepting it, the feeling of being so alone has come back. I use to always buy my dad ties. I don’t think I ever want to buy another tie for anyone again for a long as I live. I keep thinking about how 4 years ago, my dad was in the hospital and when he came out called me and said ‘Don’t you worry, your daddy is not going anywhere’. A friend said he was probably trying to tell me he will always take good care of me. Last year when he was in the hospital he basically said something to the effect that he didn’t want to live without his health and he was ready to go.

I can not believe the 180% change. In 3 years he went from wanting to take good care of me regardless of all the fights and arguments we had (which were many), to be ready to leave! We never would have genuine good times, but there was enough good, that I am saddened there can’t be more. The pain is so large. It is so weird that a man I never thought was all that handsome is now so gorgeous and someone I would proudly boast is my daddy.

I could go on forever !!!


#2

No advice, just understanding. My father died three years ago and Fathers Day really stirs up a lot of emotion for me too.


#3

I'm sorry for your loss. You'll be in my prayers. Just remember 2 things: love of God is the cure for every kind of sadness; and death in this life is not the end of life, which will never end as long as you die in God's friendship. So you very well might see him again some day.


#4

Thank you for sharing this. Nothing we can say will make it any easier, so consider us a "virtual shoulder" to cry on and "ear" to bend. That is what friends and brethren are for.

Peace
James


#5

God Bless and ICXC NIKA


#6

I am sorry for your loss.


#7

[quote="sdegutis, post:3, topic:287543"]
. So you very well might see him again some day.

[/quote]

Well.... I know he is in Heaven because last November 2, I did a plenary ingulgence for him and I felt a tremendous joy because God told me in my heart he was with Him. If I want to see him again, I need to make it to heaven:D

To everyone else, thank you for your kind thoughts and prayers. It does help to let it out here. Makes the pain go away a bit

CM


#8

I'm so sorry for what you're going through right now, and I know it's hard. I lost my mom 32 years ago - she was 45 and I was 8 - and Mother's Day is still difficult.

You ended your post saying that you could "go on forever" - and it might be helpful to you to do just that. Maybe get a notebook and write down all the things you love about your dad and all the good times you had. Write him a letter and tell him how much you love him and miss him. You could even make a scrapbook.

Try to find comfort in the fact that he is in heaven now, and is always with you in spirit. I believe my mom watches over me. You can also be comforted in knowing that you will see him again one day.:hug1:


#9

[quote="TigerKitty, post:8, topic:287543"]
You ended your post saying that you could "go on forever" - and it might be helpful to you to do just that. Maybe get a notebook and write down all the things you love about your dad and all the good times you had. Write him a letter and tell him how much you love him and miss him. You could even make a scrapbook.

[/quote]

Thank you for your kind words. I am not really sentimental and don't think the scrapbook would work for me. I do have a small picture album of him though. Writing does help at times.

The funny thing is, after my workout I forced myself to go grocery shopping because this eating unhealthy has to stop. I was in serious debate over which onions to buy (I get hung up on little things when I am stressed) a man just started talking to me explain everything about onions. (I never knew there was so much to them). It really did feel like a sign from God. That he sent someone to let me know He is still there for me.

Then as I was packing my groceries, the sweetest old man started to talk to me. He was with his wife and I just wanted to cry. My parents were at that age were they always went shopping together because it was a date. I was so happy to see that, yet so sad at the same time

CM


#10

I'm sorry for your loss. Don't be ashamed to talk to a doctor if you feel that it might help you.


#11

What wonderful signs :thumbsup::thumbsup:
Blessings indeed, and if you do cry a bit…That’s OK too.:hug1:

Peace
James


#12

Even if you don’t feel it will help.

I lost my mom last May. This past year has been incredibly difficult. I miss her terribly.

I also lost my Dad over the holidays, last year. I felt like there was a hole in my heart.

If you are still not wanting to do anything; shop, work, enjoy life, you NEED to see a professional.


#13

Not to hijack the thread - but ----

I Hate the grief of waiting so I can Grieve my loss…
How does one deal with the fact that the one they love has already “passed on” cognitively even though their body continues to breathe - eat - excrete - eyes open and close - even smile occasionally…

I grieve - but it feels like a “holding pattern”. I can’t “get on with it” (life) because - well - because for now - this IS my life.
I’m not really trying to complain (much;)) and I guess that my hope is that others who are enduring the loss of a loved one will recognize that at least they can now move forward - holding precious memories of their loved ones who are safely gone home.

:shrug:

Peace
James


#14

I am sorry for your loss.

A therapist might help you with your grief.

I was listening to a CD today that touched on the importance of the grieving process.

It is not good to try to bury it.

I am not very good at it. I think getting God to help you with the loss of your Dad is important.

A therapist would know more.


#15

[quote="cmscms, post:1, topic:287543"]
Again, for the past few days I have been ‘antsy’. I have no energy to clean my apartment yet disgusted by living in the mess. I have been resentful over things and such. And then it hit me this morning as I was working out, I am upset about father’s day without my dad. My Dad died last may, so when father’s day came around, I was grieving so it was really a set back. To be honest, I don’t even remember it.

But after a year of moving on and slowly accepting it, the feeling of being so alone has come back. I use to always buy my dad ties. I don’t think I ever want to buy another tie for anyone again for a long as I live. I keep thinking about how 4 years ago, my dad was in the hospital and when he came out called me and said ‘Don’t you worry, your daddy is not going anywhere’. A friend said he was probably trying to tell me he will always take good care of me. Last year when he was in the hospital he basically said something to the effect that he didn’t want to live without his health and he was ready to go.

I can not believe the 180% change. In 3 years he went from wanting to take good care of me regardless of all the fights and arguments we had (which were many), to be ready to leave! We never would have genuine good times, but there was enough good, that I am saddened there can’t be more. The pain is so large. It is so weird that a man I never thought was all that handsome is now so gorgeous and someone I would proudly boast is my daddy.

I could go on forever !!!

[/quote]

Yep. I skipped Christmas this past year because my first gift that I bought was always Daddy's. After I bought Daddy's gift, then I could think about what to get for everyone else. So I had no place to start, and I couldn't do Christmas at all. :shrug:

My Christmas tree is actually still up right now, because somewhere in the back of my mind I'm still waiting for Daddy to come over for New Year's, and then we can take it down. :blush: (Don't worry, it's an artificial tree. But the neighbors must be wondering.)

It's funny how it's always the littlest things that get you.


#16

[quote="JRKH, post:13, topic:287543"]
Not to hijack the thread - but ----

I Hate the grief of waiting so I can Grieve my loss....
How does one deal with the fact that the one they love has already "passed on" cognitively even though their body continues to breathe - eat - excrete - eyes open and close - even smile occasionally....

I grieve - but it feels like a "holding pattern". I can't "get on with it" (life) because - well - because for now - this IS my life.

I'm not really trying to complain (much;)) and I guess that my hope is that others who are enduring the loss of a loved one will recognize that at least they can now move forward - holding precious memories of their loved ones who are safely gone home.

:shrug:

Peace
James

[/quote]

You'll be amazed at how sudden and quick it will all seem, at the end. I was in that situation, too.

I was actually quite happy and relieved when my father died, because I knew he was in a safer, happier place - but man, do I ever miss him! :(


#17

[quote="JRKH, post:13, topic:287543"]
Not to hijack the thread - but ----

I Hate the grief of waiting so I can Grieve my loss....
How does one deal with the fact that the one they love has already "passed on" cognitively even though their body continues to breathe - eat - excrete - eyes open and close - even smile occasionally....

I grieve - but it feels like a "holding pattern". I can't "get on with it" (life) because - well - because for now - this IS my life.

I'm not really trying to complain (much;)) and I guess that my hope is that others who are enduring the loss of a loved one will recognize that at least they can now move forward - holding precious memories of their loved ones who are safely gone home.

:shrug:

Peace
James

[/quote]

I had to deal with this with my parents. It was hard.

I think the hardest part was the relief I felt when Mom, then Dad, died. I was finally able to go to the store without a cell phone. My stomach didn't flip when the phone rang. My family could actually go on vacation. It was a great relief. But how bad of a daughter must I be to be, well, relieved that my parents died??? That took a while to get over. My head understood, my heart not so much.

I think everyone needs to understand that everyone grieves. It is totally natural. And many times it begins before the family member dies. We also need to understand that if you don't have enough support from your friends and family there are professionals that can help. There is no sin in asking for help.


#18

[quote="jmcrae, post:15, topic:287543"]

My Christmas tree is actually still up right now, because somewhere in the back of my mind I'm still waiting for Daddy to come over for New Year's, and then we can take it down. :blush: (Don't worry, it's an artificial tree. But the neighbors must be wondering.)

.

[/quote]

That is so touching, forget what the neighbours say. Whenever I would go home for a visit, my dad would be reading at the kitchen table and I would make my mom dance with me. My dad would make comments at how stupid we looked. I have not been able to dance with my mom since, because without my dad there to make fun of me, it just isn't the same.

I am also scared, because my dad was good to me financially. I have worked most of my adult life, but the extras were nice, like paying the plane fare home, buying the freezer for a gift. Now he is gone and I don't trust I can make it on my own

Lately, I have just been feeling left out, like the little kid who doesn't fit in anywhere

CM


#19

[quote="JRKH, post:13, topic:287543"]

I Hate the grief of waiting so I can Grieve my loss....
How does one deal with the fact that the one they love has already "passed on" cognitively even though their body continues to breathe - eat - excrete - eyes open and close - even smile occasionally....

[/quote]

I guess that is what I meant in another post, when I said 'enjoy it'. It seems like slowly peeling away a band aid, but once the band aid is off, you will wish there was more time to peel it

CM


#20

[quote="cmscms, post:19, topic:287543"]
I guess that is what I meant in another post, when I said 'enjoy it'. It seems like slowly peeling away a band aid, but once the band aid is off, you will wish there was more time to peel it

CM

[/quote]

A very interesting analogy....I never thought of it like that....
Of course right now it doesn't feel so much like a band-aid, it's more like...:crutches:

My dad passed away in 2006 after battling the same thing we are dealing with now. We all still miss him, but it does get easier.

Peace
James


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