I hate Mother's Day


#1

I’m a mom of 2 boys, ages 2 & 4 and I just don’t want to celebrate Mother’s day. I thought I did - I bought all of the stuff for my DH and kids to make me breakfast in bed, planned an easy supper DH could make, and was hoping to study and take it easy all day.

But now I find I just want the whole thing to go away. My mom died 18 years ago and I find it an ugly reminder of how she’s not here. DH and I had a fight about his mother tonight - he felt I wasn’t gentle enough with her because she’s very fragile, his dad is in the hospital and it’s a very stressful time for her and for DH. I felt like I’m having a hard time too and for him to put this on me is very unfair. It was my dad’s 80th bday today, my son’s 2nd bday this week and I was trying to make a special dinner for my dad and entertain everyone, I’m sorry if I forgot to leave the hollandaise sauce off of MIL’s veal oscar! Give me a freakin’ break!

I find I can’t figure out a way to cope with all of this anger, disappointment, frustration and ****. I’ve prayed but it for once isn’t helping. I used to do bad things in the past (hit myself, cut, binge/purge, drink heavily) to feel better but I’ve eliminated all of those as alternatives. Can I just crawl into a hole and make it all go away?

I have a 2 & a 4 year old and in 9 hours they will be up and expecting me to be on my game. I fake it well but God, I am so tired. DH is a good man. He is exhausted and has nothing to give to me but I don’t want anything right now, I want him to deal with his family and I want to stay out of it.

I’m sorry this post is rambling. I am a mess of emotions and I don’t know what to do. Please help -


#2

Honey you need some sleep! Don’t be up all night reading this forum–go to bed! How’s that for motherly advice? I understand how you feel. I chose not to have children and at 45 I am at a place where I can let the happy mother’s have their day. But where do I find a card for my mother that says “hope you believe in reincarnation so maybe you will do better next time!” or one for my mother in law that says “thanks for being there all those years and messing my husband up so I can spend the last ten years in therapy with him!” Just remember one Mom didn’t mess up or leave you (by dying)—say a rosary, do the Joyful Mysteries. Then get some sleep–tomorrow is the BIG day. (As a mom you should know by now it isn’t about you anyway—LOL):wink:


#3

Aw–hugs to you! I too lost my mom too soon, I call it. I was 10 when she died, my dad died the year prior–Mother’s and Father’s Day used to be moments of sadness for me. But, being a mom now to two wonderful kids–my thoughts have changed. I think it’s important to go through the stages of sadness though that one feels when faced with holidays without his/her parents, because to just swallow the feelings or fake it–really isn’t living your life in an authentic way. I say, go in your bedroom, and give yourself a good cry–miss your mom–then wipe your tears and celebrate the beautiful day ahead with your family. You’re a mom now, and that is a celebration…a gift given to you by God–as we both know–how great to feel at times that we can become what we miss? If that makes sense!:o I can be the mom I miss…I want to be the mom I always yearned for – for my kids. So allow yourself those necessary moments of anger, grief, and frustration to pour out…talk to God, and let Him hear your thoughts…then, try to enjoy the special day that your dh and kids want to celebrate with you. It’s all natural to have mixed feelings at this time–My moments of frustration come when I know my kids will never know their grandparents on my side. It just stinks sometimes!:frowning:

God bless you–and have a very special day tomorrow! :slight_smile:


#4

Oh dear,

Looks like you have had a heavy cross to carry.

Give thanks to our Heavenly Mother for the strength that Mother’s endure each day to keep the house going. The work never ends.

My Grandmother wasn’t the best person in the world but she was forgiven. She received the most beautiful gift on Mother’s Day. At 10:AM on Mother’s Day a few years back,Jesus came and embraced her home. It was beautiful, although I miss her a lot I know she is in a better place.

Go,enjoy the day with your children let them enjoy you, make beaufiul memories for them. For you know not the hour of your embrace.

God bless everything you do in Jesus name

Happy Mother’s Day CountryMom27


#5

I’m sorry to give you such a short answer, but I just want to say my unprofessional, untrained personal opinion - that it sounds like depression to me, and it could be a situational depression - because red flags go up that there is some well-situated marriage strife. It looks like you need some counsel, to get you both on a better path, to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Another party looking at your marriage and listening to you both can offer a much need perspective. Pray for wisdom on where to turn. Maybe there is an experienced mother whom you know who could offer some direction. Pray that you’ll know. I’ll pray for you.

Gregory and Lisa Popcak have a call-in portion of their EWTN program. (www.exceptionalmarriages.com)


#6

still hope your Mother’s Day will be happy, for you, your MIL and all your family, and that they will end the day in appreciation for you and you will get some lovin’ from those little ones in between their demands and antics.

Mother’s day does absolutely nothing for me. My kids aren’t here, I can’t be there, I have called my daughters and told them again how proud I am of them as mothers, and for doing a much better job than I ever did, but for myself it has never had any meaning.

My mom hated it, she said if the only time she could expect any recognition, thanks or appreciation was one day a year, on orders from Hallmark, forget it. if we did celebrate, it was in spite of her. She preferred to mark the day by doing something kind for someone else’s mother, esp. a young mother with a lot of kids who needed extra help.

come to think of it, she had issues with her own mother (which I did not understand until they were both senior citizens and needing my help and care, woooo talk about dysfunctional).

I do miss my mom, and will tomorrow, but it is actually worse on her birthday or other special days, esp. anniversary of her death. some of my grief, I think is regret I did not do more for her when she was alive, did not express my admiration and love for her when I had the chance.


#7

You are a brave woman—two boys, 4 & 2,—wow—I know how rambunctious that can be! I bet you are a very good mom and a very good wife. And I believe your mother is in heaven constantly praying to God to help you

I hope your mother’s day today was a good one—


#8

I am sorry that your Mother’s Day can be so hard. Maybe it won’t be as bad as you anticipated. I know Mother’s Days can be hard. I gave birth to my fourth baby on Mother’s Day. She was stillborn. I decided from then on that I would make Mother’s Day about the blessed Mary, my heavenly Mother. I try to do things to make her happy. I will pray you are blessed in some way on this Mother’s Day. Remember that Mary is also your Mother and she loves you more than you could love your own children. That always overwhelms me. Think of how wonderful it is to hold your sleeping babies and how much you love the smell of them. Mary feels that way about you. Ask her to help you. She will. After burying my little girl, I prayed desperately for hope. I said so many rosaries asking Mary to go to Jesus and plead for hope for me. One night I was praying all alone in the Church begging for hope when I picked up a book from the pew. I opened it randomly and looked at the page. It opened to, “The Novena to Our Lady Of Hope.” I began to read and found that her feast day was my Birthday. Now if there is hope for me, I am sure there is hope for you. We are all well loved. I will pray for you! God Bless you!


#9

You know, I understand.

I, too, believe that you are having situational depression, please go to the doctor!

I spent the day thinking about our Blessed Mother. That made me happy, I love her so much and where everyone else fails, she and her son, our Jesus, loves us.

I will pray for you.

I have three boys … why don’t you spend the day in a chair hugging them…watch them sleep for a moment and drink a cup of coffee or tea. Thank God for your motherhood, although no one else may be doing it. It’s your job, your vocation. It will get you to heaven! :hug1:


#10

I just said a prayer for you. I wish I had some grand words to make you feel better. Know that the work and trials you go through as a mother are appreciated. I understand you longing for your own mother. I wish I could say you get over it but you never do. After 22 years without my mom I would sell my house and give up all my things just to have one more day with her. May God bless you and left your heart and spirit. :signofcross:


#11

I hope today turned out better than you expected!

I remember when my boys were 2 & 4. That mother’s day the came screaming into the bedroom, flung a granola bar and a juice box at me and yelled “Happy Mother’s Day.”

I still laugh about it, I miss those days when I was their everything! They even wanted to marry me.


closed #12

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