I’m a mom of 2 boys, ages 2 & 4 and I just don’t want to celebrate Mother’s day. I thought I did - I bought all of the stuff for my DH and kids to make me breakfast in bed, planned an easy supper DH could make, and was hoping to study and take it easy all day.
But now I find I just want the whole thing to go away. My mom died 18 years ago and I find it an ugly reminder of how she’s not here. DH and I had a fight about his mother tonight - he felt I wasn’t gentle enough with her because she’s very fragile, his dad is in the hospital and it’s a very stressful time for her and for DH. I felt like I’m having a hard time too and for him to put this on me is very unfair. It was my dad’s 80th bday today, my son’s 2nd bday this week and I was trying to make a special dinner for my dad and entertain everyone, I’m sorry if I forgot to leave the hollandaise sauce off of MIL’s veal oscar! Give me a freakin’ break!
I find I can’t figure out a way to cope with all of this anger, disappointment, frustration and ****. I’ve prayed but it for once isn’t helping. I used to do bad things in the past (hit myself, cut, binge/purge, drink heavily) to feel better but I’ve eliminated all of those as alternatives. Can I just crawl into a hole and make it all go away?
I have a 2 & a 4 year old and in 9 hours they will be up and expecting me to be on my game. I fake it well but God, I am so tired. DH is a good man. He is exhausted and has nothing to give to me but I don’t want anything right now, I want him to deal with his family and I want to stay out of it.
I’m sorry this post is rambling. I am a mess of emotions and I don’t know what to do. Please help -