I hate my father's


#1

attitude!

I just can help it! Last night we celebrated my bday at home and he decided to bring his musical instruments. I told him that it would be few people coming and he still insisted. Aside from that, the music he plays is not appealing to any of the guest. That just made me so upset.

What made me more upset was that my eldest son (almost 4) wanted to sing karaoke (he brought a friend with a karaoke system) and he would not let him. My son kept coming to my DH telling him that grandpa did not let him sing. I mean, come one! It’s not like my son was going to ruin the show! On the contrary, I think that people would be interested in watching my son sing, since the music was already boring to everyone to begin with!

My father’s childish behavior I just can’t seem to stand. I don’t like being around him anymore. I also hate the fact that he makes false accusations. He will tell you that you did something when you, in fact, did not. I also hate his sarcasm! It can really get out of hand!

I don’t know how many of you dislike being around your fathers, but I am sure am one of them. I am sure you all might have different reasons and this is mine.

I don’t hate him, I simply dislike him. It turns my stomach around whenever he is around, specially if other people are around because I don’t want to be going through the embarrassment…:o

I hate feeling like this, but that’s how it is…:shrug:

I still feel the shakiness from last night. I can’t beleive my bday celebration turned this way…:frowning:

Any advice?

By the way, I feel sorry for my sweet Mother who has to deal with him every day every moment…:frowning:


#2

If it was your dad’s house, he can decide who sings karaoke and behave any way he wants. If it was your house, you could have kicked your dad off and let your son have a turn.

Stop having get togethers at his house if it bothers you so much. Have it at your house where you can be in control. --KCT


#3

Wow, your dad seems pretty self-centered for an alleged grown-up, doesn’t he? It also sounds like he is not really caring how his behavior affects those around him. It’s hard to have a loving relationship with someone like that. At his age, I’m pretty sure getting him to see that his attitude and behavior need some work.

My best advice, having been married to someone with this type of self-centered behavior, would be to limit your contact with him. Be kind, but don’t be afraid to put up clear boundaries as far as the type of behavior or treatment you will accept from him. Be sure to end the visit if necessary. I think you can still do that politely and firmly. Even if he is rude, I think you can still hold your ground and be polite if you don’t let him draw you into some sort of an emotional power play.

Has he been like this your whole life? If you grew up thinking that you needed to put up with this kind of treatment, it might be a good idea to look into some counseling so that you can get a better understanding of how loved ones should treat each other as well as to get some coaching on being assertive.


#4

It was my house…:frowning:


#5

No, I did not grow up knowing that I had to put up with this treatment. I have put him in his place just like I did today. I told him straight out that if he is not willing to share his “toys” with my children to forget about bringing them! He just laughed and said that he had allowed for my eldest to use the karaoke early on and I do remember that, but it was only for a couple of minutes compared to the 2 hours or more that he had it playing. At the end I told him to turn it down a bit and to let my sons sing. He allowed them and after that, he began to say sarcastic remarks. We were outside in the backyard and as he would begin to say a sarcastic remark for everyone to hear (few people that were present, maybe 4 or us) I would start calling my sons outloud, louder than he was saying his comments. I did that on purpose so that what he was saying could not be understood. Also, I spoke to him today and told him that next time, if many come to my parties, that he can go back to his house and get his instruments. Then I told him that also, people who are usually present, do not like that kind of music and he admitted it. So for sure, it seems that next time he won’t bring his “toys”.

It’s just annoying. I don’t want to have to be telling him that it is. Also, the worst part is that I feel embarrased with my DH. My DH is not like that at all. On the contrary, he hates sarcasm and mean people also hates it when people accuse him of something. All which my father does… He is just like that. I can’t even understand how his got sooooo many many friends and relatives that just love him. I guess he tries to be funny with his sarcasm and his accusations.

His accusations are for example: My DH lends him the weed eater and a month later he asks for it and then my father says “Isn’t that mine?” and my DH says “No, its mine” (which it is). Then he makes a face like implying that my DH might be lying. Of course, my DH hates that! I do too and I know many people do too! In this case, he is accusing my DH of being a liar and taking something from him.

His sarcasm would be something like: At the party, there were not many people present and none were interested in the kind of music so the party seemed kind of slow and quiet. He would say stuff like “hey, wow, this party was the bomb!” “Eveyone was dancing and stepped on each other because of how full it was…” :confused:


#6

Seems to me we embarrased our parents at one time or another.
Kathy


#7

Very true:o


#8

**One day you won’t have a father to be embarrassed by… **I think you should be proud that you have a father who cares enough to come for your birthday.

I think you can put up with him for a while… how much as he put up with you… and apparently still is…

One day, when he is gone, you will wish you had him at a birthday party singing his dumb music.


#9

:thumbsup: My dad has prostate cancer and I don’t know if he’s even going to be here for my next birthday. Just something to think about when you say you dislike your father

Unless your father is being abusive or harming you or your children in some way, realize that we all have our eccentricities and try to be more accepting of him. If there is something much deeper than your posts indicate, by all means deal with them appropriately by limiting contact. What I’m getting from your posts is that your dad thinks he’s funnier than he really is. Maybe I’m missing something, but that’s the impression that I get.


#10

There is something really interesting in your post. You stated that you just do not understand why so many people love your father and think he is wonderful.

It got me to thinking - and I don’t know if this will help you or not - but if one of these people were to describe your father, how do you think they would describe him? Would they think he is sarcastic or funny? Would they think he is overbearing or charming? Does he treat them differently than he treats you?

Is it at all possible, and I am not accusing you but only asking, that you are over-reacting?

I can tell you that I had a father than everyone thought was fabulous but that was because he treated them in a much different manner than he treated his family. Rarely did any of his many friends ever see his horrible temper or hear his tantrums. I had to learn how to say to him, with love, “You do not get to treat me like that”. It was very difficult to learn how to do. It was worth doing, however, because when he died I had a good relationship with my father…and I got to see him return to the Church 10 days before he died.

It may be that your Dad is completely at fault or it may be that the two of you need to learn how to speak to each other. I don’t know. This is something worth praying to the Holy Spirit about, however, because learning to have a good relationship with a parent is something very worthwhile.


#11

Sounds like your dad is a musician, that he loves to entertain. Why not celebrate together, not make it about conflict between grandchild and grandpa - but, about one big musical family! Real instruments are so much better than canned kerokie, maybe grandpa can teach the grandkids to play instruments? There is nothing like a family making music together.


#12

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