I have no problem praying before meals, morning prayer, and at bedtime. I can also read spiritual books all day. But I really struggle with setting aside truly meaningful contemplative prayer time. I strive to say a rosary daily. I also would like to work in the divine chaplet and divine office, which somehow is more fulfulling and easier than the rosary for me. Anyhow…here is my problem…
I hate praying the rosary. It is such a struggle. I get NOTHING out of it. The entire time, I have to stop, asking for mercy and for the Holy Spirit to help me, because my mind wanders. Even when I can focus on the mystery, I get no insight there. Really, I hate it. I know that sounds awful, but I am being brutally honest because I really want to do better. When I do manage to say it daily, I feel like it is such a hoax. Like I am just doing something entirely outward with no inner spiritual insight or graces attached, because of how dry and meaningless it is for me. It is like folding laundry. I don’t know what to do. I switched to the DC, but I felt guilty because it is quicker, and less to think about, which is a lazy solution. So, I am back to trying to get this rosary recited daily.
I say it out of duty, and I have tremendous guilt over how I feel. I know that I should say it even if God does not bestow me with grace and wisdom from reciting it. I don’t expect that of Him, and I know that everyone experiences spiritual dryness. I just don’t want to dread this time in prayer. I don’t want to hate it. I love God so dearly, so how can I feel so awfully about the prayer the BVM desires us to recite?
What am I supposed to do? How can I get over this? Thanks in advance.
I have been reading Merton, and started ‘when the well runs dry.’ I also sought some advice from my Priest. Please help me!