I have a girl problem


#1

I am writing this here because this is the only place I can remain anonymous and get a good Catholic perspective on the problem I have. First off about me: I'm 46, average build, balding, nothing special to look at, lol....just your basic mid 40's guy. I'm a contractor and one of the bigger companies I have worked for over 10 years has this beautiful girl who works there. I've known her for the whole time. She is in her early 30's and is beautiful. She has a young child too. She is not Catholic and I'm not sure she practices any religion. I'm very shy around beautiful women so I've limited how much I talk to her. She is an exceptionally nice person.

For the past year or so I've gotten a vibe from her that she likes me. At first I though yeah right give me a break like I'm imagining this. She got put in a position where I deal with her more, she has my cell number for work related purposes and we talk a lot and I'm convinced she is interested. She is not overbearing about it but has given me opportunities which I ignore. My problem is I know its not a good situation for me because right off the bat she is not Catholic and I vowed never to get involved with a non Catholic. I know its not a good idea not to date someone you work with either. I can't get her out of my head, she is such a great person and so beautiful. I can't get past she is even interested in me because she is way out of my league. She doesn't even know how religious I am. I don't want to get involved. How do I get past her beauty and personality. I think of her a lot. I know some of the guys she has dated and I don't fit their MO. She has dated older guys too. This is a terrible temptation. I just can't get over she likes me like this. I very ordinary and low key. I already know to not go there at all but how do I get past this.....I've been praying about it a lot....thank God I'm not there every day. She is hard to get past. I just wanted to vent because I can remain anonymous here. Any help on what I can do ?

To add to this , I've ignored it for a long time but she is not going away, she still is very interested which makes this tougher.....I was hoping she would move on. I'm very surprised she has not found a young guy who makes a lot of money but maybe she is not that way....who knows. Thats the toughest part of this whole situation


#2

Consider the possibilities:

Hello Mary. Guess what? I have two tickets for a great concert on Saturday night. Would you like to go with me?

or

Hi Mary. It has been such a hot week. I'm going out for an ice cream sunday after work. Would you like to come along?

or

Mary. Do you like modern art? There is a new show at the art museum, that should be interesting. Want to see it with me?

Rather than worry about all the things that might go wrong, why not just take the young lady to a show and dinner. Just for fun. Or go for a bike ride. Anything. What is the harm?


#3

I agree with Magickman and don't worry about her not being Catholic. I was the non Catholic when we were married and look what happened, I am now a Catholic and we have been married 29 years.


#4

If you go on a first date one of two things will happen since she is obviously already attracted to the way you live your life:

1) She will realize how spiritual you are and there will never be a second date and that will close the chapter on that issue

2) She will be become intrigued by the Church and the Holy Sprit may use you to teach.


#5

Um, how is this a "problem"?:)

Ask her out already!

It isn't about looks.
If she "likes you", go for it.
God bless you both.


#6

If what you’re saying is true, she likes you. ASK HER OUT! If she decides that you are “too religious” than so be it. At 46 you know who you are and are secure enough to know your faith and not be swayed. For all you know she may be attracted to your faith and want to be a part of that as well as think you’re the bees knees. The idea that she may like you and you being Catholic don’t have to be mutually exclusive.


#7

Maybe she likes you BECAUSE you're not like the other men she's dated. Perhaps she's ready for a better man, a man with principles and beliefs. What if she sees in you the potential for a real relationship, and she senses in you a path to a better, more spiritual life?

Ask her out, talk with her, find out what she's looking for.

As far as not dating people at work -- I think it's usually sex with people at work that cases the problem, so if you have a wholesome few dates and it ends, I don't see an issue.

Good luck!

PS Don't be intimidated by phsical beauty. It's possible that her beauty has caused other men to want to use her, and a man who wants to love her would be a welcome change.


#8

My friend, I guess it doesn't get easier does it? I'm 30, and I date a fair amount. It's always tough to ask out a woman, but this is NOT a "girl problem". This is a "possibility for a great relationship!"

You've gotten great advice. Don't blow it out of proportion-just say, "Hey, what's up? Want to go out sometime?"


#9

An easy way to gauge her preference of religion:

Hey, I’m going to be going to [insert place here] after I got to Mass on [day] at [time]. Would you like to come along?


#10

Thank you all for your advice.She has no idea about how religious I am....I guess nobody sees any problem with this situation, I'm probably just freaked out by the whole situation, this doesn't happen everyday to me....If a situation presents itself maybe I'll ask her out.


#11

Go for it! Unless she has expressed anti-Catholic opinions, she will probably be ok with the Catholic thing, just don't get too pushy.


#12

[quote="Sanctifiable, post:10, topic:208614"]
Thank you all for your advice.She has no idea about how religious I am....I guess nobody sees any problem with this situation, I'm probably just freaked out by the whole situation, this doesn't happen everyday to me....If a situation presents itself maybe I'll ask her out.

[/quote]

You're a good, hard-working, decent, humble man; no wonder she's interested in you! Not all beautiful women are so shallow as to want to date only men as good-looking as themselves! ;)

As other posters have said, you could be the person who leads her to the Church; you'll never know unless you take that first step. Go for it!!! :thumbsup:


#13

I think the fact that you work together is a problem. And both of you have been working for that company for quite a long time by today’s standards… do you want to jeopardize that?


#14

Coming from someone who is on the brink of a second divorce, I can tell you that marrying Catholic women didn't work for me.

But...

I simply can't do it any other way. First, since we're not supposed to date anyone just for the sake of dating as Catholics, this means that whoever you seriously date should be someone you have your eye on for future marriage. I'm just saying I understand how you feel, OP. You're afraid that if it gets serious, what's gonna happen to the faith issue in the future?

Heck, it used to drive me crazy when I realized that my wife's attitude toward's weekly Mass was, "you don't have to go every week." Then I'd ask what example that would set for any future children, insert argument here.

Just sayin', I know what you mean...


#15

[quote="Sanctifiable, post:10, topic:208614"]
Thank you all for your advice.She has no idea about how religious I am....I guess nobody sees any problem with this situation, I'm probably just freaked out by the whole situation, this doesn't happen everyday to me....If a situation presents itself maybe I'll ask her out.

[/quote]

God knows your heart and how great of a man you are. As a reward He sends gifts such as a great woman. There's nothing wrong with that. She may not be Catholic but God knows her potential and perhaps placed her in your path so that you could polish her up and get her shining in the church.

I just met a Catholic boy this year. I was protestant and searching for a legit church. After meeting him and knowing his family is Catholic I decided to go into the church. I fell head over hills for the Catholic church. Thanks to my boyfriend I have found a great Home and was united with my true Family. Praise be to God for the people we meet =)


#16

[quote="tsaphah, post:15, topic:208614"]
God knows your heart and how great of a man you are. As a reward He sends gifts such as a great woman. There's nothing wrong with that. She may not be Catholic but God knows her potential and perhaps placed her in your path so that you could polish her up and get her shining in the church.

I just met a Catholic boy this year. I was protestant and searching for a legit church. After meeting him and knowing his family is Catholic I decided to go into the church. I fell head over hills for the Catholic church. Thanks to my boyfriend I have found a great Home and was united with my true Family. Praise be to God for the people we meet =)

[/quote]

Wow, that is so cool. Welcome home!


#17

[quote="Sina, post:13, topic:208614"]
I think the fact that you work together is a problem. And both of you have been working for that company for quite a long time by today's standards.... do you want to jeopardize that?

[/quote]

No I don't want to.....while I would not lose my customer I'd have to deal with her regularly as she is in charge of issuing PO numbers


#18

[quote="TheAdvocate, post:14, topic:208614"]
Coming from someone who is on the brink of a second divorce, I can tell you that marrying Catholic women didn't work for me.

But...

I simply can't do it any other way. First, since we're not supposed to date anyone just for the sake of dating as Catholics, this means that whoever you seriously date should be someone you have your eye on for future marriage. I'm just saying I understand how you feel, OP. You're afraid that if it gets serious, what's gonna happen to the faith issue in the future?

Heck, it used to drive me crazy when I realized that my wife's attitude toward's weekly Mass was, "you don't have to go every week." Then I'd ask what example that would set for any future children, insert argument here.

Just sayin', I know what you mean...

[/quote]

Advocate, I totally know where your coming from....another part of my fears was that I was married at one time a non religious woman and it eventually lead to me compromising my faith and leaving the church. I was even considering a vocation in the church and fell for her and left that....I sometimes have regrets about it hence I'm shy about dating non Catholics. I agree that dating is eying possible marriage with that someone. Sometimes when you fall in love with someone if your not careful you fall out of love with your beliefs to be with that someone.


#19

[quote="tsaphah, post:15, topic:208614"]
God knows your heart and how great of a man you are. As a reward He sends gifts such as a great woman. There's nothing wrong with that. She may not be Catholic but God knows her potential and perhaps placed her in your path so that you could polish her up and get her shining in the church.

I just met a Catholic boy this year. I was protestant and searching for a legit church. After meeting him and knowing his family is Catholic I decided to go into the church. I fell head over hills for the Catholic church. Thanks to my boyfriend I have found a great Home and was united with my true Family. Praise be to God for the people we meet =)

[/quote]

This could also be true...I've thought of this....My fear is if things got serious how would I handle the situation if she did as my first wife did and had total disregard for church. Who knows......I will look at this with a different perspective now.....thanks all for your advice and words.


#20

I'm going to ask about something you have not really touched on.

You say she has a child. Was she ever married?


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