I have a problem at work


#1

How do I begin… I’ll try to make it short and sweet. I have a co-worker who is completely toxic. :frowning:

One piece of info that is necessesary. There are 4 of us girls together. We each have our own seperate offices with a door and then we have an outter door as well to the main hallway. There is one woman in our office that is just a complete jerk. She will trash anyone who isn’t there at the time. I’ve been trying to be a better person for over a year now, and have been very well about not downgrading people. I’m not perfect so who am I to trash others. This lady is SO 2 faced, I just can’t stand it. I don’t know for a fact that she bad mouths me, but I’m sure she does. If I’m in the same room with her and hear her trashing people, I always feel physically dirty when I leave her presence. She just spouts such hate. She nit-picks every aspect of a person, normally she focuses on other people’s weight or appearance.:mad: Alot of the gossip that she spreads isn’t even true.

So when she got put into our department, she befriended a really nice older lady who answers our phone and now they routinely get together and trash everyone, or go in one office of theirs or the other and whisper about people. So they are all buddy buddy now, and the other girl and I aren’t exactly buddy buddy but we’re allies. :o

I mostly just stay out of the way and keep to myself. I’ve been keeping the door ajar instead of wide open.

Anyway, the big deal that happened recently was with the outer door to the main hallway. The 2 pals like to have the door closed. (real welcoming), The other girl likes to have it open, and I personally don’t care most of the time. So its kept closed, everyone is fine with that. My ally doesn’t like to rock the boat but when the 2 pals are both gone, she props it open and we’re both fine and dandy with it. If the pals had just gone to lunch or something, they make a HUGE production of slamming the door shut when they come back. (You actually have to pull the door as it closes to make it slam) My ally and I just think they are immature and let it go. Well, out of the blue last week, the toxic one had the maintenance guys remove the magnetic deal off the back of the door so we can no longer prop it open. (We are a Hospital and rubber door stops under the door are for some reason illegal.)

Seriously! What does it hurt if WE prop the door open when SHE isn’t even here??? How low can you get? I use a cart alot and sometimes make a few trips so it really does irritate me to have to open the door every time I walk through while handling a cart.

My ally was super angry about this and asked her boss (I have a different boss than them - same dept) and he said he didn’t know it had been removed and was going to look into it. He finally said he found out that the lady who answers the phone was getting scared of strangers coming in there. (???) The door is always closed anyway, why would it help to take that magnetic thingy off the door?

So my ally confronted the secretary and she completely flip flopped on her pal and said “Oh no, she’s not going to blame that on me! I don’t care if the door is open or closed! SHE’S the one that had the magnetic thing removed”. She asked her boss again and he blew her off and probably won’t do anything about it.

So I asked MY boss and so far he’s not returning my calls on the matter.

Sorry, I know this is super long. I just can’t stand working in this office anymore. I wish I could move to a different office, but why should I have to move? I honestly HATE this woman. What can I do to get passed this?:confused:


#2

Let’s leave the door issue out of this for a second.

Are these women’s bosses aware of their unprofessional behavior toward their coworkers? Most employers want team players.


#3

You are dealing with difficult people here.
One thing you could do is to pray. Pray for the pals.
Usually people act like that because they have personal and inner problems. They are probably not happy about their lives and not happy about themselves.

So, if you are willing, say prayers for them everyday. Ask God to bless them and give them God’s grace. Also pray for yourself responding to the situation according to the way God wants you to. When you are annoyed, offer up your pain.

This is easy to say than done, but this is the way to go.

Another thing you can do is try to communicate this situation with your superior.


#4

I agree with InLight…pray! One of the things I do when people do things like that is not show that it matters to me. If they make a big deal about something like having the door shut, then when they aren’t there I would open it with your cart to prop it. As soon as they come back they can move the cart. If they confront you about it, smile and just explain that you just needed a little fresh air…then offer to keep it closed if they have a better reason for it to be closed. Just remember to smile…like it doesn’t matter either way… Say a Hail Mary to yourself and smile…


#5

I once worked with a person a lot like this.
4 years I put up with it.
When she was promoted by mgmt. to terrorize yet more co-workers, I quit.
I’m sooooooo much happier in my job now.


#6

Unfortunately, unless you’re in a position of power (a.k.a. can get that woman transfered or something), then there’s not much you can do. You either have to put up with it or seek another position in your company, maybe leave the company altogether if you hate it that much.
I know how you feel. I spent months of my life at my job getting angry at our “drama queen” who gets away with saying all kinds of things about people because she’s “such a valuable asset to the bank”. I need this job and I like what I do so I just tune her out and don’t talk to her, unless it’s mandatory that I have to, which doesn’t happen very often.
I wish you the best of luck in dealing with this horrid woman. :wink:


#7

You should see if your company has an open door policy-:smiley: just kidding.

How about going to Human Resources and asking about Standards of Business Conduct and honestly you should confront them with your supervisor and let them know that this behaviour needs to stay at home. But dont let these knid of people give you thoughts of quitting.
Good Luck


#8

Thanks you guys!

I really don’t give her any negative feedback so if she’s trying to get a rise out of me, its not working. My friend on the other hand, does get fairly bent out of shape. So she gets terrorized more than me.

The problem with this woman is that she can be very charming, since I work in close quarters and hear some of her phone conversations and such, I can see right through it now. Especially when I hear her grovelling and butt-kissing to someone on the phone and as soon as the phone is hung up, she loudly says “BIT**”

Anyway, her boss is completely under her spell and won’t discipline her but he has gotten alot of complaints from other people in the department.

My boss has no authority over her, so he really can’t do anything other than relocate MY desk or have the outer door restored to the way it was. He knows how she is too.

I probably could pray for them, it really helped to vent it out.

I do think alot of it is that she feels bad about herself. She used to work in another department and sort of soured everyone there like she is doing here and they finally eliminated “her position”. So she wasn’t fired but her job was deemed unnecessary. They got all the directors to see if they could find a different job for her within the company and horray, guess who picked her up? Then after 3 years in our department, the same thing happened, but she sort of got hired back in to do something else. It was all kept really low-key, I’m not sure what exactly happened.

BlestOne - thats a good idea but if I’d left my cart there blocking the door open, she would without a doubt either ram the cart into the wall or tip it over out of the way to make as much of a racket as possible. :rolleyes: Then she would come in laughing and tell me I needed to clean MY mess up. Or she would say it was some kind of fire hazzard to have the door propped open. I’m not kidding, this lady is seriously that immature.

I agree that most bosses want team players but our bosses are pretty non-confrontational. Which is actually fine with me, because I can’t take people yelling at me. I cry. :o


#9

Maybe you could buy one of those little rubber wedges to keep doors open. If the boss(es) don’t mind magnetic stuff being removed from the door than they probably would mind one of those little rubber thingies.
Maybe you could tell them that you use it so you can get your cart out without the door slamming on your fingers?


#10

I use to work in an enviroment much like the one you are in.It was horrible. As soon as went to work i felt the negative energy and the stress just started compounding. For some reason women can not work well together. Someone have just never learned to play nicely in the sand box.

Call Human Resources and file a complaint. There has to be a trail if you want anything to happen.It’s not petty it’s a toxic work enivronment. Tell them you are offended by her language and such. You have a right to work in an enivronment that is healthy. If nothing else they can move you or her out of the area.


#11

I listen to a 15 minute radio show on Catholic Radio every morning. The name of it is Food for the Journey.
One morning, on the way into the horrible work environment I had found myself in after 19 years with CC county, with a headache and trying to figure out how I stay a faithful Catholic and rob a bank so I could enough money to retire, the nun who does the show says (and no I am not kidding):
“Are you having trouble with co-workers? As Our Lord to help you re-seed the ground where you work so that you can start over again with these people”.

I almost ran off the road…

So ok I went ahead and did the prayer. Fine…we’ll see if it works…I said the prayer. Then, I got to work.
I had left the day before and everyone there hated me. I am not kidding. They were accusing me of doing and saying things that were so out of wack and out of the blue I felt like I was being ‘gaslighted’ (if you don’t know what that means you are too young…get off the computer and go finish your homework right now). I did not think the prayer would work but I was so miserable and hating myself for falling prey to ‘other people’s opinions’ that I decided to just do what the nun instructed.

By the end of that day, one of the co-workers from hell called for everyone’s attention so that she could tell them how much she appreciated all my hard work and how happy she was that I was now assigned to their unit for good.

I am not saying anything else…just passing along the prayer…


#12

Pray for them and just ignore them. They are miserable unhappy people who have nothing else to do with their time but discuss other people.

Don’t get upset or bent out of shape. You are there to work not to make friends or worry about other people. If they know that they are getting to you they will just add fuel to the fire.

Not sure if you read my thread that I post not to long ago about What do you do???. But anyway I had a problem with my neighbour who was swearing at me and humiliating me for things that I had no knowledge of. I said to the other day I will pray for you so that God can help you. I was not been sarcastic I was telling the truth. I could have retaliated and said same to you but I choose to keep quiet and just look @ her and say I will pray for you.

People like that are not even worth wasting your anger and strength on. The **Toxic Women **must have some major issues that is why she acts her shoes size and not a age.

Just pray for them, ignore them, you are there to work for your family etc not for those people.


#13

I agree with the posters who have said that the toxic woman is unhappy…deeply unhappy. If you find working with her makes you feel miserable imagine being her. Imagine having to go home and spend time alone with those hateful toxic thoughts in your head, go to sleep with them, wake up with them. It’s a wonder she can even get out of bed in the morning.

I just can’t believe that she actually wants to be this way. You sometimes see in a group of children, the child who has set themselves up as “the annoying one” or “the bully” or the “mis-fit”.They never seem happy to be this person but have somehow gotten stuck in playing this role and don’t know how else to operate socially. Maybe this has happened to Toxic Woman?

I wonder what has happened to her throughout her life to make her behave in this manner? I feel for you having to work in this horrible environment, I’ve had similar experiences unfortunately, but I also feel for this poor, miserable, toxic woman. At least you get weekends off from this toxic environment - she doesn’t!:stuck_out_tongue:

I’ve changed jobs to escape toxic environments before but there always seems to be another toxic person waiting to pick up the job of terrorising the new staff member. :frowning: If I were in your shoes I would put my head down, do my work and go home. I would avoid the company of Toxic Woman at all costs. If forced into her company I would be unfailing cheerful and polite but I would refuse to be drawn into any sinful conversation/situation. And I would pray for her and the whole situation.

You never know…sometimes I have been completely floored when the toxic person has suddenly opened up to me and poured out all their troubles and actually asked me for advice! You have the light of Christ to offer this lady, she may be desperately seeking a way out of her toxic world and she just might come knocking on your door asking for advice. Better leave it open.:wink:


#14

Well, to clarify…(as a Licensed Fire Alarm Installer)

The “magnetic” thing on the door is NOT a “convenience” item… it is not installed to hold the door open for you to be able to easily pass from one area to another (as most people think).

Door Holds are installed on FIRE DOORS. A “fire door” is a physical break in a corridor or area that provides a barrier in the event of fire. If a fire was to occur, the system would cut power to the door holds, and these doors would swing shut - isolating the area in trouble and preventing smoke (or flames) from spreading to other areas.

This is why rubber/wood “door stops” are ILLEGAL to use on these doors. It is a mechanical device that prevents a FIRE DOOR from closing!

Make an anonymous call to your local Fire Marshal. Tell him/her that “someone’s been messing with the fire doors on xx Floor of the HOSPITAL”.

This’ll open a can of worms…


#15

That is good stuff to know! Thanks. I really didn’t know about magnetic doors.

:slight_smile:


#16

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