I have a question about commuion

I will try to make this short. I was raised Catholic. I was not attending for a long time but still considered myself a catholic. Unfortunately I was not well trained. I got married to a Baptist, who thought catholic were going to hell. UGH! Well, sorry to say that this marriage is not going to last. I have returned to the catholic church, but because my marriage is not considered valid, and it was not performed by a priest, nor did we go to the church, I may not receive communion.

This makes me so sad and empty. I am sorry I ever got married. (horrible, I know), but I feel my soul has been taken from me. All my beliefs have been called dirt basically.

Is there anything I can do do short of us getting remarried in this church? (this wont happen by the way, my husband really wants out)

I feel I have to find another church, amd I really don't want to but I feel I have no choice.

Thanks

Monica

[quote="Moniabay, post:1, topic:239209"]
I will try to make this short. I was raised Catholic. I was not attending for a long time but still considered myself a catholic. Unfortunately I was not well trained. I got married to a Baptist, who thought catholic were going to hell. UGH! Well, sorry to say that this marriage is not going to last. I have returned to the catholic church, but because my marriage is not considered valid, and it was not performed by a priest, nor did we go to the church, I may not receive communion.

This makes me so sad and empty. I am sorry I ever got married. (horrible, I know), but I feel my soul has been taken from me. All my beliefs have been called dirt basically.

Is there anything I can do do short of us getting remarried in this church? (this wont happen by the way, my husband really wants out)

I feel I have to find another church, amd I really don't want to but I feel I have no choice.

Thanks

Monica

[/quote]

I can't really answer your question, Monica, since I'm not Catholic, but I can assure you that I pray that you will find His peace, and rconciliation within your Church, so that you may once again receive the sacrament.

Jon

Hi Monica

What is or is not a valid marriage can be complicated. I would suggest that you speak to a priest you trust and tell him what's going on. He will let you know where you stand.

At any rate, it sounds like you could use a good confession, too.

[quote="Moniabay, post:1, topic:239209"]
I will try to make this short. I was raised Catholic. I was not attending for a long time but still considered myself a catholic. Unfortunately I was not well trained. I got married to a Baptist, who thought catholic were going to hell. UGH! Well, sorry to say that this marriage is not going to last. I have returned to the catholic church, but because my marriage is not considered valid, and it was not performed by a priest, nor did we go to the church, I may not receive communion.

This makes me so sad and empty. I am sorry I ever got married. (horrible, I know), but I feel my soul has been taken from me. All my beliefs have been called dirt basically.

Is there anything I can do do short of us getting remarried in this church? (this wont happen by the way, my husband really wants out)

I feel I have to find another church, amd I really don't want to but I feel I have no choice.

[/quote]

Hi Monica, So, the bad news that your marriage is invalid (because you got married outside the Catholic Church without a dispensation, right?), is also the good news. Make a good confession and refrain from having sexual relations with him, and you will be back in good standing with the Catholic Church. Furthermore, since your marriage was invalid, after the divorce, present it to the marriage tribunal, and they will declare it null due to lack of form, and you will be free to marry within the Catholic Church.
Peace!

[quote="Moniabay, post:1, topic:239209"]
I will try to make this short. I was raised Catholic. I was not attending for a long time but still considered myself a catholic. Unfortunately I was not well trained. I got married to a Baptist, who thought catholic were going to hell. UGH! Well, sorry to say that this marriage is not going to last. I have returned to the catholic church, but because my marriage is not considered valid, and it was not performed by a priest, nor did we go to the church, I may not receive communion.

This makes me so sad and empty. I am sorry I ever got married. (horrible, I know), but I feel my soul has been taken from me. All my beliefs have been called dirt basically.

Is there anything I can do do short of us getting remarried in this church? (this wont happen by the way, my husband really wants out)

I feel I have to find another church, amd I really don't want to but I feel I have no choice.

Thanks

Monica

[/quote]

Monica, I will offer prayers for you - the rest you will have to work out and its complicated - no one answer ....

Please contact your parish and join in some adult catechesis ... adult faith formation and instruction in the Catholic/Christian faith. You need to learn your faith.

Seek counciling for your marriage - with or without your spouse. Your marriage seems to be in distress and not all of that distress seems related to the difference in faith traditions. Will this marriage survive? - Should it survive? - Is it a God centered marriage? Is it built upon mutual respect and honor of each other? These are hard questions that need real actions to provide and support the answers.

In the mean time - attend Mass to the fullest extent possible, and pray - centering you life on Christ. As a person who for several years attended Mass unable to recieve Christ in the Blessed Sacrament - I understand your longing. But seek him by seeking to heal your sins and by a conversion of heart ... and you will be able to come joyfully to the Banquet of Love - in the proper time time ..... Please do not abandon the Truth.

May God Bless you with abundant strength as you walk this journey home!
Pax Christi

Well thanks for all the replies. I guess I am out of luck. My marriage will not survive because my husband wants out.

I have already been to confession and I have spoken with a deacon.

I could get a divorce right now and all would be good with the church. So whats stopping me? 2 teenagers. I would have to leave them with a man who is verbally abusive and they would have no chance for the wonderful future they could have with a good education. Basically neither of us can support them alone.

I can wait for the divorce, we are in agreement that that will happen. I just don't want to wait 3 more years for communion.

Thanks for the thoughts.

Again, only your Bishop can make this decision (unless he has delegated this authority).

And, again, you should speak to your priest. He will know whether the Bishop has delegated this authority (and to whom), and he can assist you in approaching the Bishop (or whomever).

But, obviously, before you approach your Bishop, you must be eligible for Holy Matrimony in the first place (which, currently, you are not).

But, obviously, before you approach your Bishop, you must be eligible for Holy Matrimony in the first place (which, currently, you are not).

Well, I don't believe I said anything about getting married, I am married, to a man who wants to be anywhere but with me. I do not want to remarry, I want communion, which I can't have while married to this man. That is what I am sad and empty about. I guess there is nothing to do but stay this way until I get a divorce.

you are in our prayers, but this is a personal matter for confession so you need to speak with your own priest about your individual situation. The Church is a Mother and you have the right to ask for pastoral care through this. No the Church will not convalidate a rocky marriage that seems unlikely to last.

Well, I don't believe I said anything about getting married, I am married, to a man who wants to be anywhere but with me. I do not want to remarry, I want communion, which I can't have while married to this man. That is what I am sad and empty about. I guess there is nothing to do but stay this way until I get a divorce.

My understanding is that if you are living 'as brother and sister' (ie not having sexual relations) with your husband then you may receive Communion, even if your marital status is not exactly regular. I can't imagine, in such an unhappy marriage, that you guys still want to be, or are still, intimate, are you?

Even living in the same house for the sake of children needn't be a bar to this, if you have good reason.

This is why it is important to explain your exact situation in detail to your priest and deacon. Don't assume that either of them fully understand, make sure you explain again and make sure they do understand you correctly.

Ok, my husband and I are not intimate at all, and have not been for years. I would have left a long time ago, but I would have a lot of problems paying the bills if I were alone. He has had 2 affairs (over the internet, not sexual) and the 2nd was with the daughter of the Pastor of the church we attended in CA. I could go on and on with the foul words but its turning into a non issue.

We just want out, its not about God making a mistake, its about us making a mistake. We didn't have enough time together before marriage to know it was right. We as humans are foul able.

Now I just want a better relationship with God, to find joy and happiness, and to know I have value. and God is the place to begin.

I will talk to the deacon again and see what I can do.

THanks for the help.

[quote="Moniabay, post:8, topic:239209"]
... I am married, to a man who wants to be anywhere but with me. I do not want to remarry, I want communion, which I can't have while married to this man. That is what I am sad and empty about. I guess there is nothing to do but stay this way until I get a divorce.

[/quote]

I think the question remains open as to whether you were married in the eyes of the church - your "legal" standing has nothing to do with that. If you are, in fact, not married and you live your life according to that state of life (ie no sexual relations) I don't see why you would be denied Communion. One thing for certain is that this is not an unusual situation and you need to speak with someone who deals with these circumstances routinely.

[quote="Moniabay, post:1, topic:239209"]
I will try to make this short. I was raised Catholic. I was not attending for a long time but still considered myself a catholic. Unfortunately I was not well trained. I got married to a Baptist, who thought catholic were going to hell. UGH! Well, sorry to say that this marriage is not going to last. I have returned to the catholic church, but because my marriage is not considered valid, and it was not performed by a priest, nor did we go to the church, I may not receive communion.

This makes me so sad and empty. I am sorry I ever got married. (horrible, I know), but I feel my soul has been taken from me. All my beliefs have been called dirt basically.

Is there anything I can do do short of us getting remarried in this church? (this wont happen by the way, my husband really wants out)

I feel I have to find another church, amd I really don't want to but I feel I have no choice.

Thanks

Monica

[/quote]

Who says you can not receive, you should talk to a priest and go to confession and you should be able to receive.

[quote="Moniabay, post:11, topic:239209"]
Ok, my husband and I are not intimate at all, and have not been for years. I would have left a long time ago, but I would have a lot of problems paying the bills if I were alone. He has had 2 affairs (over the internet, not sexual) and the 2nd was with the daughter of the Pastor of the church we attended in CA. I could go on and on with the foul words but its turning into a non issue.

We just want out, its not about God making a mistake, its about us making a mistake. We didn't have enough time together before marriage to know it was right. We as humans are foul able.

Now I just want a better relationship with God, to find joy and happiness, and to know I have value. and God is the place to begin.

I will talk to the deacon again and see what I can do.

THanks for the help.

[/quote]

You need to speak with your priest. A deacon doesn't have the capacity to advise you on some of these matters.

I know you are in a tough time, and feel badly beat up. I do want to bring something to your attention, and I'm only doing so out of concern for you and wish you the best. You admit the mistake of not listening to the Church with your marriage and got yourself in this mess. And now you realize and want to come back to the Church (Awesome!), but the Church does have some processes She wants you to go through (all for your benefit and the benefit of your soul). At this point you want to find another church, because of frustration with the Church? Please don't make the same mistake again by not listening to the Church.

The Church is the Bride of Christ, and wants only what is best for you and your eternal soul. There are some processes to help you out, and you should be able to once again partake of the Body and Blood of Our Lord. Don't fret or despair! If you are living as brother ans sister with your husband, the process most likely will be just a few steps,and you will be ready for Communion.

On a side note, I would suggest a good Catholic counselor to help you, especially with the trouble with the marriage. And staying in a destructive marriage "for the kids" does them and you no good. Especially if there is abuse.

And maybe speak with your priest about a good Catholic school and if they have any financial assistance available so your kids can get a good education if you have to split with your hsuband.

God bless and I will say a prayer for you tonight. Stay close to the Church, She will lead you right to Christ.

I am very depress also, not only did I find out I could not go to communion but could not receive any sacraments including cofession, because my ex husband is still alive, I am an senior now and not well, I have a long road ahead of me, My current husband is catholic also.My prayers are with you.

Well,on a lighter note, I’m a year younger than you Ann,

[quote=SpiritHound]Make a good confession and refrain from having sexual relations with him, and you will be back in good standing with the Catholic Church.
[/quote]

[quote=david_friol]Who says you can not receive, you should talk to a priest and go to confession and you should be able to receive.
[/quote]

To all those who are telling Moniabay about the ‘pastoral solution’ of “living as brother and sister”: a word of advice for you. This solution isn’t ‘automatic’ or something that is written into canon law and is a person’s right, nor is it something that a person can decide on his own (“hey, I’m gonna go to confession, and as long as I’m not intimate with my spouse, I’m good to go!”). Rather, it’s a solution that is at the discretion of the pastor of the person’s (Catholic) parish. He is the one who, after understanding the person’s situation, may decide that this solution is appropriate, and therefore, may give permission for the person to return to the sacraments. On the other hand, he may decide that there’s a particular aspect to the situation that prevents him from allowing this solution to be used.

Moniabay sounds like she’s in a lot of pain right now, and it’s obvious she wants to return to the reception of the sacraments. Her situation sounds really, really difficult, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. And, I sure hope that her (Catholic) pastor allows her to make use of this ‘pastoral solution.’ But, it would sure be even more awful if we were to make her feel like this is something that’s a given, giving her the impression that it’s a ‘definite’, and then she might find out otherwise when she talks to her pastor. (At that point, guess who she blames? Folks on an internet forum who gave her bad advice and got her hopes up? Nope; not likely. The ‘mean’ priest who told her ‘no’ or the ‘cold, unfeeling’ Catholic Church? Yep, that’s the way it usually goes: the person leaves the Church, shocked that it didn’t give her what she thought was her right to receive. :sad_yes:)

Just something to think about… :shrug:

Why would you have to leave the children with their father? Surely, he should be paying child support? That is how most divorced with children can manage to support the children. You will need to apply for full custody and proper child support.

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