I have a question


#1

Can you guys settle an argument for me…I do not know of any other way to ask this so I’ll be blunt

Is it a sin to enjoy sex in a marriage?


#2

No, it is not. I encourage you to read Theology of the Body. It has been quite helpful for my husband and I.

God Bless.


#3

I second Theology of the Body!
And Sex and Marriage by Christopher West as well!


#4

No it isn’t, BUT it is a sin to partake in imoral acts of sex even during a marriage with your wife, i.e. oral sex, anal sex, etc. **Only life producing **sexual intercourse is allowed, because this is consistantly seen in scripture when the Lord consistently condems sexual actions that are not life giving, in other words *immoral. *

    God Bless,
                  ejreydrum

#5

short answer: NO


#6

curious as to why the question would even be asked, and where such an idea would come from, and in what kind of bar is this argument going on?


#7

I’ve seen this asked several times. Either we have lots of trolls, or there are folks out there getting misinformation.

Just as there are (Catholic) people spreading false info about sex outside of marriage being OK, I bet there are others at the opposite end of the spectrum thinking sex is only for making babies.


#8

The reason I posted this question was because an RCIA student that I know is engaged and has become quite depressed because at one of the RCIA classes she got the idea that sex is allowed only for procreation - that’s why it is reserved for married couples. She has said she doesn’t want to deny her husband after the wedding, but she hates feeling like it is “just a duty” not to be enjoyed. I am trying to put her mind at ease, and she reads the forums too.


#9

That’s a can of worms that has been hotly discussed.


#10

She is mixing two things up. The purpose of sex IS procreation-- that is what it does. We also receive pleasure and bonding from sexual relations. These two things, both procreation and pleasure/bonding are intended for the spousal relationship because they are inseparable.

Every time we engage in sexual activity with our spouse it must be a procreative act, objectively. Meaning, it’s a completed act of intercourse that is NOT altered in any way to prevent conception.

This is why contraception is intrinsically wrong-- it attempts to separate the unitive and procreative dimensions of sexual intercourse and isolate only the unitive/pleasure aspect and seek it for its own end. This is wrong.

There are a number of books on the Church’s teaching on sexual morality, and the West books are good ones.


#11

Be careful when you are speaking for the Lord that you do not give out false information.


#12

It’s not false information. Those acts, when substituted for vaginal intercourse, are completely disordered and against the moral teachings of the Church.

Oral/manual *stimulation *that *leads *to intercourse is not disordered (as opposed to oral/manual stimulation to climax in place of intercourse), but I do not think you will find any reputable moral theologian advocating anal intercourse as morally acceptable.


#13

I think you could actually make a Catholic argument to say that it is a sin NOT to enjoy sex in a marriage. After all, God created it. He made it good.

The idea that the body and that things and feelings related to the body are bad, and only the spiritual part of our lives is good, is a heresy from the third Century.

To understand Catholic teaching on sex and marriage, sometimes you have to compare it to the heretical beliefs that are diametrically opposed to it.

Pope John Paul II explains this heresy in his Theology of the Body.
Here, Christopher West explains the Catholic view on the right enjoyment of sex within a holy sacramental marriage.
christopherwest.com/page.asp?ContentID=24


#14

I should have expanded on what I said, but was in a rush to post. Thanks for clarifying.

We are on the same page, trust me.


#15

That’s good to hear. The thought of oral sex has always given me a gag reflex.:o


#16

You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. That said, all forms of oral sex are not wrong. As foreplay, or to help the wife “finish” if she could not during intercourse, it’s fine. You cannot substitute oral sex for procreative/unitive vaginal intercourse, and I think it is also forbidden for the husband to climax outside of vaginal intercourse.

Now, procreative does not mean you can only have sex when it is possible for you to get pregnant. It only means that you do not take any actions to block conception from happening. It is perfectly acceptable to make love on an infertile day, because you are infertile due to your natural cycle, not anything you did to make yourself so.

I wonder where people get this idea. Some of the Church Fathers, especially Jerome, had ideas that marital sex was for procreation only. But one thinker’s idea is not Church teaching unless the Church says so. And the Church never said that Jerome’s thoughts were official Church teaching. St. Paul said, “It is better to marry than to burn.” I don’t see any reference to procreating there… what I do see is a reference to sexual desire, and being married, thereby engaging in marital relations, helping to curb and control that desire. Anyone who is married knows that the way you cool the desire is to give in to it, and then you get a few days peace before it really starts to build again to where it’s hard to ignore.

In order not to enjoy sex while you’re having it, you would literally have to disconnect your brain from your body. God has hard rules for us to live by, but He’s never absurd. And the idea that enjoying marital sex is sinful, when the only way to have it and not enjoy it would be to find a way not to feel, is absurd.


#17

So does that mean oral sex on a man is sinful? I really hope so. That’s the act I have a problem with. It seems plain unsanitary.


#18

No, it means that he cannot climax that way. Foreplay is OK.

Oral sex on a female is no more or less sanitary than on a man. I used to feel the same way you do. It was a product of my youth and inexperience. Some people never get to the point where they want to do that… some do. It’s a matter of preference, but it should be discussed before you marry. Any sex act that you are completely opposed to and WILL NOT do, he has a right to know that before he commits his entire sexual life (along with the rest of it) to you.


#19

Then don’t do it.


#20

What she said.
Things like that need to be spelled out. However, it would be advantageous of you to keep an open mind, sexually. You never know.


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.