I have lost my faith. How do I get it back?

I will try to be brief, but I will try to give all the relevant information I can.

I was a Catholic convert and was very militant about the faith. I tried to advocate for the faith a lot and was very “preachy”, and looking back on it I ended up driving a lot of people away from the Church because I was arguing from a position of wanting to be right and not being tempered with a spirit of love and compassion. Then, about three years ago I became involved with the occult. This was not your typical Wiccan “cast a love spell with roots and herbs” type of thing, but actually trying to conjure to visible appearance demons and spirits to make deals and pacts with them through rituals in manuscripts written in the dark ages and renaissance. I stopped going to mass at this time. About a year and a half ago I repented of that (I was still a believer then) and I made a good confession and never fooled with the occult again. Although I vowed to return to mass I never did.

About this time I began to watch YouTube videos put out by atheists who were battling modern feminists and social justice warriors. At first I was interested only for political reasons, but soon I started watching their other videos arguing against theism and Christianity in particular. Although there were a lot of things said I have come to accept, what I cannot get over is how cruel God is described in the Old Testament and how this runs contrary to the spirit of the New Testament. For example, God Kills millions of people and animals, including babies and young children, in a flood, he tells the Hebrews to bash infants’ heads against rocks when they invade several towns in the promised land, there is a test which would produce an abortion prescribed for a wife suspected of adultery, and he treats Job horribly in a bet with the Devil. I could continue, but to be brief I will say that if the God of the Old Testament is real, even if those stories were myth meant to convey some truth, if they were inspired by him I would have to say he is pretty much the opposite of good; I would have to say he’s pretty evil.

I could accept the teachings of Jesus and his claim of divinity if I could get over my rejection of the God of the Old Testament being the same as the God of the New, but I can’t and so the whole thing falls apart. I realize the Church views my position as heresy. I do not know what to do at this point.

My faith was a great treasure to me and to lose it has shaken my very being to the core. I am in poor health and found great comfort in believing I would live on with Jesus forever; now, however, I am terrified of dying and just ceasing to exist. I don’t think I can even go to confession because I don’t believe in God anymore so I don’t fear him or hell. It is annihilation that I fear. I was much, much more happy as a faithful Catholic. What can I do to get my faith back? Is there any hope for me?

Hi, Bill!

…let’s start with small doses…

Atheists as Protestant cannot but protest against the God (the first) and against the Church (the latter). It is their default setting!

Understanding that you must realign your meter/gauging instrument… you cannot seek clarity about God from those who purposefully focus their efforts against God–it is as useful as going to the park for a “health” walk and making sure that you take plenty products (tobacco and other agents)–blasting the environment with noise and polluting the environment for man and animal alike is not conductive to “health.”

…now, ever heard of myth and exponential expansion?

…this is usually how atheists present their arguments… in the instance you’ve cited they have God killing millions of people… the numbers are meant to cause panic… much like the claims of the religious wars and inquisitions which have millions being put to death… to the tune of twice or three times the number of people that existed at the time…

Let’s put the numbers aside… what is God’s interest, our temporal existence, our Spiritual existence or both?

It is both.

But God will not force His Authority upon us. He allows man to reject Him. …and yes, Scriptures do attest to His Flood and to the Command to the Hebrew people to possess the Holy Land… did you know that till recent human history hatred of others cause, at one time or another, genocide?

Now, can a human take a life (destroy, murder, kill) and restore that life?

Can God?

Here’s God’s Plan:

[FONT=“Garamond”][size=]26 When the upright man renounces his integrity to commit sin and dies because of this, he dies because of the evil that he himself has committed. 27 When the sinner renounces sin to become law-abiding and honest, he deserves to live. 28 He has chosen to renounce all his previous sins; he shall certainly live; he shall not die. 29 And yet the House of Israel objects, “What the Lord does is unjust”. Is what I do unjust, you House of Israel? Is it not what you do that is unjust? 30 House of Israel, in future I mean to judge each of you by what he does – it is the Lord Yahweh who speaks. Repent, renounce all your sins, avoid all occasions of sin! 31 Shake off all the sins you have committed against me, and make yourselves a new heart and a new spirit! Why are you so anxious to die, House of Israel? 32 I take no pleasure in the death of anyone – it is the Lord Yahweh who speaks. Repent and live!

(Ezekiel 18:26-32)

God does not want us to end up in hell so He is willing to forgive us and embrace us if we turn to Him and remain in His Fellowship.

Now the people who died in the Old Testament (which would include the innocent children) would not automatically end up in hell because (as you’ve pointed out) Jesus Brings the Fullness of God’s Love and Mercy in a temporal and Spiritual way; so, those who died, prior to the Incarnation of the Word, would have been visited by Christ:

18 Why, Christ himself, innocent though he was, had died once for sins, died for the guilty, to lead us to God. In the body he was put to death, in the spirit he was raised to life, 19 and, in the spirit, he went to preach to the spirits in prison. 20 Now it was long ago, when Noah was still building that ark which saved only a small group of eight people ‘by water’, and when God was still waiting patiently, that these spirits refused to believe. 21 That water is a type of the baptism which saves you now, and which is not the washing off of physical dirt but a pledge made to God from a good conscience, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ, 22 who has entered heaven and is at God’s right hand, now that he has made the angels and Dominations and Powers his subjects.

(1 St. Peter 3:18-22)
…as for your efforts… we must teach/preach in Christ’s Love.

Maran atha!




First of all I feel a great compassion for you. I will pray for you. Second, you will not just cease to exist once you die. C.S. Lewis said something like death is similar to exiting a car, you just enter from one reality into the next.

It seems as if you have mostly been interested in the spiritual for most of your life whether it be on the side of light or darkness. But now you seem to be talking more atheistic. You know, when you traveled on the dark side it may not have gotten all the way from you just because of confession. You may need to see a priest for deliverance. They could be hiding around you just making your faith cold and not being upfront with you about what they are, deceiving and lying spirits. I am worried for you Bill. Please get help because the depth that you traveled down the dark path most likely is why you are where you are. Go to a deliverance minister, tell him what happened, have him pray for you and over you. Then just keep praying sincerely, even if you don’t have total faith, just do it because like you said, you know you felt better when you were believing.

Today I didnt feel like going to church, I didnt feel like praying my rosary but I did, because I knew it was good for me. Hey, thats something to try too, pray the rosary, the enemy hates that stuff! But do seek professional spiritual help in a priest who knows about deliverance and believes in the reality of evil.

Ill pray for you!

There’s always hope. It depends on you, though. This didn’t start overnight so you can’t expect this to be reversed overnight. You can be healed, but it will take time and work on your part. How long? The answer would be, “As long as necessary”.

I would say to destroy everything you have related to the occult and superstition from your house and all the atheistic tapes. If they are online, delete them. Promise yourself you will never do that again and keep yourself to that promise.

Make an appointment to speak with a priest about your feelings and ask for his advice.

I would also suggest going to Church weekly, whether you are presently able to muster feelings or belief or not.

Do things a believer would do, like read the Bible, buy a Miraculous medal and have it blessed and wear it constantly, day and night, as a reminder of your commitment to renew your faith. Pray the prayer associated with it, “O Mary conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee”. Get holy water from Church and use it twice a day.

Pray at least twice daily, even if the best you can do is, “God, are you there? Please help me to believe once again!”

For the moment, I would suggest you try to cultivate some new friendships with believers and be careful of the old friendships of those in the occult. They may try to lure you back into their beliefs again and discourage your efforts. Those who try to raise demons have nothing in common with those who are praying to God and Angels. In St. Paul said in so many words that darkness has nothing in common with the light.

Of all the prayers you can pray, I would recommend the rosary, because it’s a VERY powerful weapon against hell and evil. It’s Our Lady’s weapon. Here’s just one video on the rosary. youtube.com/watch?v=dwVdYXyxln0&t=1062s

Read scripture, the New Testament only.

Notice what you watch. What videos and TV do you watch? Notice everything you do, and ask yourself with each thing you expose yourself to if Jesus and Mary would approve. Avoid what is opposed to the Church.

Watch only clean, positive movies. If you can occasionally watch a movie on the Catholic faith, something inspiring, that would be helpful or read about the saints.

It’s a good sign that you have come to CAF to ask for help.

I hope you are able to make it back all the way to God. Good luck with your journey!

It could be your faith is changing, deepening and growing. Remember that the Old Testament is greatly influenced by the ancient Jewish perception of God. Focus on the God as Jesus proclaimed.

I think you need to have a plan. There are a series of statements you might examine to find out exactly what you believe and what you do not, so that you can focus on what is missing in your faith. The first statement is G-d exists. Do you believe this or not? The second statement is G-d is One (the Trinitarian G-d, for all its interpretations, still adheres to the belief that G-d is One in three Persons). Do you believe this or not? The third statement is that G-d is in command of the universe, that is, G-d is omnipotent. What are your thoughts about this? The next statement may be your particular stumbling block, based on what you describe, namely that G-d is good. If you do not believe this, then this is the issue you must focus on by means of studying the Hebrew Bible as well as the New Testament, and commentaries and interpretations of problematic chapters and verses. You must use both your reason and (prior) faith to reconcile the discrepancies to your mind that appear in the Holy Scriptures.

At the same time, you can simply follow the Zen teaching regarding the achievement of enlightenment, which is, if you wish to be enlightened, chop wood and carry water.

Good luck.

Everyone has given you great advice. Yes, see a priest right away for deliverance. He will pray over you so that you be delivered from the torment you are experiencing. He, through the power of God, will help your soul to heal.

I used to have a somewhat negative image of God the Father. I felt that my human Father abandoned me growing up because he left our family and moved 1000 miles away for a better job. I subconsciously transferred that to my image of God, the Father. I felt that He was distant, too.

Then one day, someone gave me a copy of “God the Father speaks to His Children”.
It changed completely the view I had of Him: He is a sweet, gentle, loving Fatherly God.
He appeared to Mother Eugenia Ravaisso with joyful messages. He doesn’t want us to be terrified of Him. He wants our love. (The whole book may be read for free online at motherofallpeoples.com.
In the book He explains that He came in the form of His Son Jesus, to suffer and die to save us from our sins. He couldn’t bear to see us lost and suffering.

Continue to pray the Rosary, attend Mass and Adoration of the Most Blessed Sacrament. True happiness and peace can only be found in God. The fact you desire to believe shows that God is working in your life and He has not abandoned you.
We will pray for you.

Pray sounds simple right? It’s not. Yet, it’s mother Theresa of Calcutta’s. Recommendation for increasing faith. The angelic salutation Hail Mary is a great start. Then I’d personally recommend sitting in front of the blessed sacrament as often as possible. Or just pray come Holy Spirit. Trust.

Praying for you to receive your faith again.

Also, ask the Blessed Mother to help you grow in faith. She is a gentle, loving Mother who wants youto be happy.

Job is a story not an account. It is about trust. While we can say that Scripture is inspired, it came to be through man’s relation to his place in history. So while the events happened - the accounts of prophets and the world around them, especially - they were not always interpreted, then, in the way that we understand, with hindsight. And/or, the meaning that is portrayed all the way through, as individual parts to a whole, speak of the characteristics of God i.e:- justice and how serious justice is, and mercy, and just how merciful and patient God is. The Hebrew people put everything down to God, including every misfortune.

One example, is Christology. We know things that even the prophets of the Hebrew Scriptures did not know, about the very things that were happening to them; even things that they themselves did and said. We can look at Scripture and see Christ shine forth like a fresh spring, through the OT. Whereas, they themselves, while they might have known God was with them, helping them, probably did not know that everything that was happening to them, referred to the kind of suffering in time that the The Word Made Flesh would suffer, and exactly what that would mean. Maybe they did, maybe they didn’t. But not everything that was written down, interpreted as they saw it, is the whole meaning - the meaning must be discovered. Even Jesus, when He came, spoke in parables.

Now we know that God does not change the way He does things. He can intervene but He does not change.

So all this worry about babies heads being smashed, is obviously one of the areas in which we have to use enlightened interpretation for the passage, because in another passage - one that you will know - God has Moses write down the Ten Commandments. These last forever! God says: “Thou shalt not kill”, written in stone. So, if we are not to kill, and the Ten Commandments are the absolute measure of the OT, which Christ Himself said, that He had not come to do away with…then where is the worry? And He did not do away with the OT, He completed it. He took the law for one peoples and made it for everyone whilst expanding on these external acts of obedience, yet from the inside - the heart. He internalized us.

There are forms of exegesis (I think I’ve got the right word) for Scripture, in which passages are analyzed. These forms take into account as many aspects as possible when approaching Scripture.

One other way of seeing the subject, as another poster mentioned, is that when facing away from God, we face God’s justice, or better described, the system of justice that God has created into the world, in order that people can turn from chaos and disorder back to the light. So even justice is to return bad to good. If people faced away from their customs and traditions, and ways of justice, then they might not meet God’s Mercy - scripted by means of graphic imagery that definitely makes the point! Some people chose to live a certain way that went against God and fell to the ways of justice that happened to be in place at that time in history. But to go against God was their doing. As the same poster pointed out, God takes no pleasure in death. Yet, the knowledge of God has to continue. It had to be passed on: God exists and is with us! This knowledge could not die and fall foul to predators; therefore, the world had to sustain itself. Through nature and through the peoples. Remember, that God speaks throughout Scripture, one word. And through this Word, all of Creation, finds its winding way.

Some have said that Scripture contains the Word of God. I think Scripture is the Word of God, because on some level, throughout, there is God speaking via the Scripture writers and the events and words of the world around them. The Word speaks through the passages, and on whatever layer or depth He is to be found through exegetical excavation, He is there. There will be meaning there. A different poster rightly said that these people were from the Hebrew peoples. We look at Scripture with blessed insight. Even though you might not feel blessed right now. Because you know that Christ is found in there, with searching. As St. Augustine said, start with looking for truth. If you start from that premise, you will find deeper and deeper truths. If you start by thinking: well, this is false then you will continue to seek what is false.

In entirety, we might be nothing. But to God, each one of us, is everything. Put aside the ‘dark passages’ for now, and first pray. Then, look at Scripture, and ask God to help you find Him in there. And what He is saying to you.

There is a difference between knowing about God and knowing God. Even athiests know about God…kwim?

A loss of faith most times is a gradual thing, as you have experienced, as well.

The way to truly know God is through listening to the gospels and Jesus’s words, prayer and practicing the faith which means mass and the sacraments regularly…even if you don’t feel drawn to doing this, Gods grace will increase in you and so will your faith in Him and His one true church.

Please make an appointment with your parish priest.

If you want to understand the old testament with right understanding then go to utube watching Steve quail. L.a.marzulie. tom horn. They teach the why god did this . or that. You will not get valid understanding of o.t. events from most religious teaching. And that just a start. With right understanding. Or ck out 1cor. 2 what saint Paul said

Yes, there is hope.

This idea of God in the Old Testament and the God in the New Testament being Evil and Good is what the Gnostics believed.

Stay far away from that some groups even committed ritual suicide because they became so scrupulous they viewed life as evil.

The Old Testament is all about repentance it’s about how God takes his chosen people works miracles gives them freedom and riches but he also gives them the freedom of free will.

God is a loving father the Bible says that God’s love is like a mothers love when we use our free will to walk away from God and to disobey him bad things can and will happen.

It’s like a mother telling her child not to touch the stove burners when she takes a pot of steamed vegetables off the stove for dinner the child disobeys and touches the burner and get’s a third degree burn on his index finger.

When the Israelite’s disobeyed God they committed grave sins and this removed themselves from the protection of God.

People become angry with God and think he’s cruel but really the Israelite’s walked out of God’s protective arms and as soon as they repented he took them back into his loving care and protection.

Time and time again they sin, abandon God’s decrees and are oppressed by new masters and time and time again when they repent God saves his people.

Jesus Christ is God’s last rescue mission to not only his chosen people but the gentiles as well.

As to why people especially women and children were ordered to be killed by God my understanding from reading and meditating on just this is that since God is omnipresent he knew that if these people were not taken out they would pose as a dangerous threat to his people.

That’s basically what ended up happening anyways the Israelite’s had all but vanquished their enemies but didn’t finish the job and their laziness cost them in the end because when they rebelled against God and those that they spared rose up against them.

You messed with the Occult a lot more seriously than I ever did but I do write a blog series about Catholic theology, Christian folklore, the lives of the saints, spiritual warfare, the occult, weird happenings cryptozoological creatures and urban legends.

These articles might help you a bit and you might find my blog interesting.

I think you have been through a rough storm and might be dealing with some spiritual attacks too.

We Are The Ones Who Bump Back Part I**
A Bible study into Intercession, sacramentals, relics and the role of the Virgin Mary.

We Are The Ones Who Bump Back Part II
About sacramentals some efficacious sacramentals against dark forces.
Angels And Demons **
The different types of angels and demons taken from the Bible, Pseudo Dionysius and Thomas Aquinas.

The Jesus Prayer Burns The Demons**
Why the Jesus prayer is efficacious against the devil.
The Rosary Every Hail Mary Is a Blow To Satans Head! **
Why the Hail Mary is efficacious against the devil.

The Pope Leo XIII Excorcism Prayer
A prayer that can be said by both priest and laity to clear homes of demonic spirits.

We Are The Church Militant
Why Catholics should evangelize and practice their faith.

**Deliver Us From Evil **
A series of deliverance and healing prayers.

Carrying The Ark Into Jericho**
Devotion to the Blessed Mother, why protestant objections are wrong and why our Blessed Mother is a typology and fulfillment of the ark of the covenant.

**Warriors Of The Holy Rosary **
A continuation of the last entry.

**Nothing But The Blood Of Jesus **
The power of Christ blood to heal both body and soul and it’s power against the forces of evil.

**The Holy Grail **
The search for the Holy Grail and the real presence of Jesus in the Eucharist.

I have a few more entries coming out soon so you might want to subscribe if you like the blog.

I am working on two entries one will be a condensed list of sacramentals and relics found in the Bible and another will be about new age practices that Christians fall into under the disguise of Christianity I.E Virgin Mary tarot cards and Archangel sigils and more.

These articles that I wrote might give more answers than I what I wrote here.

Also check out Peter Kreeft he is a convert from Calvinism and philosophy professor he makes very compelling arguments.

Catholic Answers has some good articles too on doubts about the existence of God and why the Catholic faith is true.

As to find your faith if you desire it then part of you still believes in God remember all it takes is faith the size of a mustard seed.

The mustard seed is the smallest of seeds but grows to be a huge plant.

Get good roots and prayer.

If anything pray to Saint Anthony of Padua the patron Saint of lost things to help you find your faith again.

Okay. You don’t understand God. That shouldn’t be a huge problem, because, really, who does understand God? There are people who think they know all about God. They don’t.

It’s a pretty big leap, though, to say “Because I don’t understand God, there is no God. Because there are these apparent contradictions, the logical conclusion is that God does not exist.”

Is that really logical? Is your human intellect so reliable, and your knowledge of Scripture so complete, that you can make that call?

Job eventually got it. In Chapter 42, he said "I have spoken but did not understand, things too marvelous for me, which I did not know… By hearsay I had heard of you, but now my eye has seen you. Therefore I disown what I have said, and repent in dust and ashes.”

Here is a short video of Fr. Barron (now Bishop Barron) about atheists and the God they don’t believe in:

I was going to add this but it made my post to long.

Getting back to massacres ordered by God.

I am comforted by the fact that children are generally innocent and because some of these people were in fact good people ignorant of God and his covenant they may have gone to heaven

The ignorant and the innocent if anything were spared in some way into falling into grave sin.

Ultimately they are in a better place and were given the mercy of a quick death and an happy eternity with God.

The world doesn’t truly know God, until it knows Jesus-because Jesus came for that very purpose, to fully reveal the nature and will of His Father, to correct our “distorted image” of God as the Catechism puts it. And God is radically different from the God whom we conceive of on our own, with little or no outside input, and even from the God the Jews conceived of with the help of revelation. 1 Cor 13 describes the true God about as well as can be done. Man even hated God without reason, Jesus tells us in John 15:24-25, quoting Psalms. It takes time and experience and grace to come to know God for ourselves-and He’s patient with us in that endeavor.

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