Im sorry, I just really have absolutely no one else to talk to about this. My counselor doesn’t really seem to care, my husband is preoccupied and stressed out, my mom doesn’t want to hear it.
I honestly feel like I have no purpose on earth. My husband and I have 4 children together and I am 7 months pregnant with our 5th. I have tried the praying, I have tried the NFP and trusting in the lord and we are in financial ruin. We have not been able to pay our rent since April. WE are behind for 2 months now. Our electricity got shut off AGAIN yesterday. The food stamps that we receive are already gone for the month. Our truck will be getting taken away on Friday. Our car insurance payment was returned, so I will be getting a cancellation letter in the mail soon. My phone bill is pre paid, but, 10 bucks only lasts 5 days , so I will need to reload that again soon. I feel like everything is ruined. 100% ruined. My husband is never home, he spends most of his time out of state at his mothers house working on his friends cars to help bring in something. We are so far behind that at this point, I think we will all be living in a shelter. What am I suppose to do with another baby in this mess? He doesn’t want to agree to an adoption, and I can’t place the baby without his consent.
I literally feel like I am losing my mind… I cannot take it anymore. I don’t see a purpose for me, I have tried to find one, other than having babies that we cannot afford, Im nobody. I feel like complete **** for even needing government assistance in the first place. All of this stress is taking a toll on my pregnancy. My blood pressure is rising from all my anxiety, I have to take the 3 hour glucose test because my sugar is elevated. I feel like NOTHING in my life can ever go right. I just want to disappear, I really mean that. And that makes me sad because I have never felt so low and so sad in my life. I don’t want to be here anymore. :crying: