I have no purpose

Im sorry, I just really have absolutely no one else to talk to about this. My counselor doesn’t really seem to care, my husband is preoccupied and stressed out, my mom doesn’t want to hear it.

I honestly feel like I have no purpose on earth. My husband and I have 4 children together and I am 7 months pregnant with our 5th. I have tried the praying, I have tried the NFP and trusting in the lord and we are in financial ruin. We have not been able to pay our rent since April. WE are behind for 2 months now. Our electricity got shut off AGAIN yesterday. The food stamps that we receive are already gone for the month. Our truck will be getting taken away on Friday. Our car insurance payment was returned, so I will be getting a cancellation letter in the mail soon. My phone bill is pre paid, but, 10 bucks only lasts 5 days , so I will need to reload that again soon. I feel like everything is ruined. 100% ruined. My husband is never home, he spends most of his time out of state at his mothers house working on his friends cars to help bring in something. We are so far behind that at this point, I think we will all be living in a shelter. What am I suppose to do with another baby in this mess? He doesn’t want to agree to an adoption, and I can’t place the baby without his consent.

I literally feel like I am losing my mind… I cannot take it anymore. I don’t see a purpose for me, I have tried to find one, other than having babies that we cannot afford, Im nobody. I feel like complete **** for even needing government assistance in the first place. All of this stress is taking a toll on my pregnancy. My blood pressure is rising from all my anxiety, I have to take the 3 hour glucose test because my sugar is elevated. I feel like NOTHING in my life can ever go right. I just want to disappear, I really mean that. And that makes me sad because I have never felt so low and so sad in my life. I don’t want to be here anymore. :crying:

Look forward 15 years. Imagine your grown-up kids talking about you. What could you do right now that would be worthy of their respect in 15 years? “Things were really tight, but mom never gave up and she did X, Y and Z to take care of us and give us a good home.”

What would X, Y and Z be in your situation? If you were one of your kids, what would you want your mom to be doing right now?

It sounds like you’re very concerned about winding up in a shelter. How about doing some research right now and figuring out what your options are with regard to emergency housing? It might be every bit as nice as where you are living right now and the lights won’t get shut off.

Do you remember the song, “Lucille” by Kenny Rogers?
*
In a bar in Toledo
Across from the depot
On a bar stool she took off her ring
I thought I’d get closer
So I walked on over
I sat down and asked her name
When the drinks finally hit her
She said I’m no quitter
But I finally quit livin’ on dreams
I’m hungry for laughter
And here ever after
I’m after whatever the other life brings

In the mirror I saw him
And I closely watched him
I thought how he looked out of place
He came to the woman
Who sat there beside me
He had a strange look on his face
The big hands were calloused
He looked like a mountain
For a minute I thought I was dead
But he started shakin’
His big heart was breakin’
He turned to the woman and said

You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille
With four hungry children
And a crop in the field
I’ve had some bad times
Lived through some sad times
But this time your hurtin’ won’t heal
You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille

After he left us
I ordered more whisky
I thought how she’d made him look small
From the lights of the bar room
To a rented hotel room
We walked without talkin’ at all
She was a beauty
But when she came to me
She must have thought I’d lost my mind
I could’nt hold her
'Cos the words that he told her
Kept coming back time after time

You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille
With four hungry children
And a crop in the field
I’ve had some bad times
Lived through some sad times
But this time your hurtin’ won’t heal
You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille.*

You absolutely *do *have a purpose. Your husband needs you and your children need you. If they were to lose you for any reason, especially now, they would be absolutely devastated–cut adrift and buried in heartache. Oh, your children! They would carry the scar of losing you forever, if anything were to happen to you when they need you the most!

Of course you feel your courage attacked–literally, “dis-couraged.” Do not be hard on yourself for being tempted to quit. That temptation is the most natural thing in the world! You are going through a terrible time! You are responsible for all those little ones, and yet don’t have the means to give them what you would provide for them. Yet people do come through these terrible times. The children born just before and after the Great Depression had to grow up in such terrible times. Many people did despair. Some did give up hope. Some, though, hung in there one day at a time, did their best with far too little, and raised some of the most outstanding people our nation has ever known, the ones that Tom Brokaw called “the Greatest Generation.”

You have family and you have friends. You have a husband who is still with you, even though he can’t be in the same house with you. Hang in there! They all want you to hang in there and survive this. They all love you. They all value you. They are all thinking of you and your little ones. Rely on prayer, even if your most common prayer is just “Help, oh help!” Be brave and stay strong. You can get through this!

If every dime in taxes I ever paid went to people like you, people who are doing their best and still need help to keep their children fed and a roof over their heads, I would think it used very well. If you knew anyone in your exact spot, you would want your taxes used to help her and her family, too. In fact, people like you are the reason I’m willing to pay taxes that I know will sometimes go to someone who is cheating the system. Helping you is that important to me. Please accept the help in the spirit it is being given. You are the mother of tomorrow’s citizens, and after that the citizens of heaven. There is no one in their world more important than you are, and because you are so important to the ones whose angels have front-row seats in the Kingdom of God, no one is more important in the eyes of God than you are, either. Ask their guardian angels to bear you up, too, and accept help from wherever it comes as sent by God.

TSB4, your anguish *clearly *evokes several times in my life as a mother that I felt I literally couldn’t take it anymore. It feels as though you are battling an invisible demon that has it in for you doesn’t it. I too felt that needing help from the government was a sign of failure but I learned that this was not a time for false pride. Ask for and take all the help you can get and just remember that one day you will get to pay it forward and with all the compassion that you current suffering will put into you.

Every morning bring to your mind the addicts prayer (that isn’t just for addicts). “Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Each day there will be things that can’t be quickly changed but there are a lot more things that you have power to change than you think when you get into a despairing frame of mind.

The young years can be sheer hell especially with the baby on the way, but you know… my last baby was one that I didn’t really want to have but did because my husband was so keen for. She’s now 20 and has been the most beautiful little treasure of a creature that I just would hate to think of life without her. (She is a brilliantly talented artist to boot who has sold paintings for the $200 mark.)

God bless. Ask and take the help you can get and don’t worry as I said… you will get the chance in your turn to pay it forward when you are older and wiser through your trials.

Praying for you.

You certainly have a very important purpose in life in raising your children. Find someone skilled in social services to talk to. Do you perhaps have clinical depression? There are solutions to your problems, jobs for your husband, other places to live, etc., even though they may not be obvious now.

Hail Mary, Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb,
Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

Yes!

– and the evil one and his minions seek out those in this state of despair and depression for in this weakened state of being, it is easy to lead you into unspeakable acts. This is the time where you need to be going to Mass as often as possible. No, it wont solve your issues; however, it will give you the strength you need to solve your problems.

You have family and you have friends. You have a husband who is still with you, even though he can’t be in the same house with you. Hang in there! They all want you to hang in there and survive this. They all love you. They all value you. They are all thinking of you and your little ones. Rely on prayer, even if your most common prayer is just “Help, oh help!” Be brave and stay strong. You can get through this!

:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:

  • Now, go to confession, goto Mass, make arrangements to talk to the priest about what is going on in your life.
  • Find an hour a week to sit before the blessed sacrament in adoration. Bring all of your hurts before the Lord, hide nothing from him during this time. You need not say anything out loud, just go before him as a child would and ask for help. Then, be willing to do what it is he asks… it may not be an easy task to carry the cross you are given.
  • Continue to go to your counselor, as a counselor myself once, we must have a slight professional distance or the problems and emotions of our clients would tear our souls apart - so please give yourself and the counselor time to work thru this.
  • Work with Catholic Charities to get some financial advise and a budget.
  • Get your husband on-board with this too. Without his support this will be a much harder road to travel.

My prayers for you and with you.

You will be in my prayers today. I have never been in a situation like you are in now, so I can’t fully understand what you are going through. But I do know that you and your husband need to hold on tight to each other right now. Hold on to God, to your husband, and to your kids, and you will get through this somehow.

Dear One,

You have gotten many good posts here.

Have you spoken to your pastor about your situation?

Most churches have a fund set aside for just such trials that you are going
through right now.

I will put you on my prayer list, and please remember to pray and talk out your
problems with the Lord, knowing that He has a plan.

I always loved to hear the stories of how my grandma and grandpa raised seven children in
2 1/2 rooms in a big tenement building on the lower east side of manhattan. My mom had to quit school at 14 and work in a sweat shop sewing piecework. Grandma and Grandpa worked hard and all turned out okay eventually. It was great with all those cousins when the aunts and uncle moved to Brooklyn.

May our Lord, the Good Shepherd, be with you and your loved ones…blessings to all, and your husband getting work while he can!

Peace in Jesus,

Dorothy

First, congratulations on the baby!!! Are your children looking forward meeting him or her in person, so to speak?

Go to Social Services–they should be able to help you with rent or else another place to live.

I totally agree with the others who said this: the point of government help is to help people like you. My friend was in a similar-ish position and I said, go get the help! This is the way things are set up so there’s no shame in getting help that you need, esp in this economy.

Also, ask at your church. I know our church has a fund to help people with bills.

Please don’t feel discouraged and without purpose. Your husband is working for you because you do have a purpose: to love all these people in your life.

God has sent you this child because He thinks you will be the perfect mother for him or her. And He thinks you are the perfect mother for your 4 already-born children. They too know that there are problems–help them see this time as an adventure, even tho because you know all the problems that will be hard. But they need you to show them the way.

I know when hard times have hit my life, it was really hard to pray. Sometimes I just resort to very short but frequent prayers because I have so much trouble concentrating. Sometimes I ask Jesus, Mary, and St Michael the Archangel to chase away the clouds of discouragement and help me to pray, and that helps a lot.

If you are having trouble making the food stamps last to the end of the month, start a thread about saving money in that area.

Call the electric company and see if they could possibly hold the shut-off off for a week while you check with Social Services and your church about getting some help with that. Most times companies are willing to work with people who keep the company informed (auto insurance unfortunately not :().

Prayers for your and your family.

The most important thing when the evil one tries to tempt us is to not beat ourselves up for being tempted. Even Our Lord was tempted. Even Our Lord said in his loneliest hour: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Sometimes, it seems there is no one there for us, either. We ought to ask for help–I cannot tell you how many times I have been sent help as an answer to prayer not from the one I had hoped to have sent to help me, but from someone I would not have thought of–and we ought to above all run to God.

The Crucifix is our reminder that God does not preserve his most beloved from trials, but that if his beloved is faithful, God can transform the worst thing into the best thing. He can transform what seems utter defeat into absolute victory. Hang in there, OP!

Please PM me . I’ll pull a list of church ministries and community resources for you; pastor’s funds, clothes closets, etc. I’ll even make calls!

Teresa of Avila (1515–1582)

Christ Has No Body

Christ has no body but yours,
No hands, no feet on earth but yours, Yours are the eyes with which he looks Compassion on this world, Yours are the feet with which he walks to do good, Yours are the hands, with which he blesses all the world. Yours are the hands, yours are the feet, Yours are the eyes, you are his body. Christ has no body now but yours, No hands, no feet on earth but yours, Yours are the eyes with which he looks compassion on this world. Christ has no body now on earth but yours.

You came to the right place and I truly believe this may be the beginning of a turnaround. Right now life is overwhelming and I suspect you are suffering from a depression of some degree. And who wouldn’t be in your situation! I went through a very bad patch myself for five years - something literally went wrong every day and I believed I was headed for a breakdown. I could not find God anywhere which I had never experienced and this was the worst part of the experience. But I kept at it, praying even when I felt numb, and slowly things began to improve. As others have said do not hesitate to ask for help. It’s out there and if your family bands together you will get through it. Miracles, large and small happen every day and I’m witness to it.
Keeping you in my prayers.

Praying for you & your family.

Please don’t give in to despair and fear. I’m so sorry for your situation. I’ve been there too, and I know the hole just keeps getting deeper and deeper. I agree with those who say to seek help - with 5 kids it will be next to impossible to turn things around by yourselves. You need Christ, your church, your friends and family who can help you with provisions and prayer. You need to be willing to share your situation - pride goes out the window. Your kids need you to swallow hard and take action. People want to help, and when you let them know what you need, the Lord provides. Its beautiful when these blessings rain on us in the storm. I’m praying for you - the sun will shine again, I promise!

Your purpose is to be a model of faith and peace through this trial, and I know you can do just that. Hang on to your husband and love love love - all those kids - I know there is lots of love in your house. Mom sets that tone, and you do control that. You are strong, and your family will be so much stronger when this passes. I will say a rosary for you tonight - God bless you and your family.

Hello -

I do not know where you live, but I know New York City (especially the Bronx) has some good agencies, funding, Section 8 housing, rent control, Medicare, Hospitals, and etc to help those such as yourself in the situation you are in. Plus you’re a subway ride away from NYC where there is a lot more jobs and opportunities. The Bronx is not that bad temporarily (it is not as ghetto, it has actually calmed down significantly and there are decent affordable areas). If permanently, send your kids to private school.

The Bronx/NYC is just an example, if you do end up in a shelter/emergency housing or have to move, go to an area that has the best welfare benefits (it might not be the most ascetically appealing) and start from there, applying for the benefits. It can only be temporarily, till you are on your feet then move out if you want. Don’t be ashamed of receiving assistance, get all the help you can. It’s so much needed now.

Also, do not talk to yourself like that: I have no purpose, I do not want to he here anymore, it’s hopeless, and so on. It is not in anyway, shape, form, going to help. The things you are saying to yourself, will just bring about more despair.

Start telling yourself, we (you, your husband, and your family) are going to rise above/come out of this, I have a very important purpose and it’s my family and our well-being, to bring about joy (and so on). Start seeing things you can be grateful for (start small such as a sunny day, your children’s laughs/even the little cries are adorable, so on - gratitude). Force yourself. I am not promoting any sort of positive thinking, of course be realistic. However, this is only a situation, not your identity (bad/evil things happen to good people - are they bad/evil?). I say this with sincerity (to maybe ease any fears?), if you are in a first world country (such as the USA, Canada, Finland, etc) you and your family are not going to starve. You would be hard pressed to find a situation where a family in one of these countries nowadays starved to death (outside of chronic narcotic use).

Financial ruin would cause anyone to get depressed!! I mean, you are not having it easy right now. Call St. Vincent De Paul.

Is their any chance family & friends can take your children for a week ?
I think you are exhausted , you need a rest to gather your thoughts,
If you don’t have an income , husband away, bills pilling up , a fifth child,
That would cause anyone to feel stress, prayers are just not enough,
You need professional help… Is their someone in the family you can turn to ,
For financial advise ? Their must be some way out of this,their must be ,

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