I have to make an important decision tomorrow


#1

Hello,

As some of you may know my marriage has been on the rocks for over a year and my wife and I are in counseling. If we split up, which I believe is her choice, I will not be able to afford the area where we live. I would probably end up going back to my home state where I have a strong catholic support group.

By my wifes actions, I can see that only one of us is working on trust (me) and she is becoming more guarded in her actions. I have chosen in counseling to trust her that she is not having another affair, but I can’t go on like this forever with her being 50-50 on our marriage.

My decision is that an employer in my home state called asking for an interview with me. I wanted to discuss this in counseling, but our appointment was cancelled and I need to call them back tomorrow morning. Granted, if I got the job I would ask my wife to come with me or ask her to let me take custody of the kids. I only moved to this area because she promised that we would save our marriage, but i absolutely HATE living here. What should I do?

God bless,
c5180


#2

[quote="C5180, post:1, topic:246075"]
Hello,

As some of you may know my marriage has been on the rocks for over a year and my wife and I are in counseling. If we split up, which I believe is her choice, I will not be able to afford the area where we live. I would probably end up going back to my home state where I have a strong catholic support group.

By my wifes actions, I can see that only one of us is working on trust (me) and she is becoming more guarded in her actions. I have chosen in counseling to trust her that she is not having another affair, but I can't go on like this forever with her being 50-50 on our marriage.

My decision is that an employer in my home state called asking for an interview with me. I wanted to discuss this in counseling, but our appointment was cancelled and I need to call them back tomorrow morning. Granted, if I got the job I would ask my wife to come with me or ask her to let me take custody of the kids. I only moved to this area because she promised that we would save our marriage, but i absolutely HATE living here. What should I do?

God bless,
c5180

[/quote]

personally all i can do is pray for you this is a big discussion and I'm not wise enough to aid you


#3

only take the job if she agrees to move with you. don't do ANYTHING that will put you more than 30 minutes away from your kids if you do eventually break up.

the area is expensive, but even if you had to rent a sleeping room in order to be nearby your kids, do it. your immediate/ available/ day to day relationship with your kids is absolute priority should you and she separate.


#4

It's only an interview. Why not take it? You may or may not get the job but you will never know if you dont take the chance.

It may be tha god is providing your with an opportunity to grow or a lesson to teach you or setting you up for some future event.

Take the interview, if you get the offer, pray and ask for god guidance before you make your final decision. Just don't stress yourself out on the un known. Trust in god and he will lead you.


#5

You are making a difficult decision but I will repeat what another posted said already, stay near your children. If the worst happens and you do divorce you don`t want to make a bad situation worse by not being much a part lof their lives because of distance.


#6

Hi, I am extremely sorry for your situation and will add all of you to my prayers. My personal opinion is that you stay close to your kids. Your children need a mother *and* a father. Yes, you can go on that interview but do not take the job if your wife and kids do not move with you. Please, stay close to your kids.


#7

Marriage is not 50-50, it is 100-0.

I am sorry for the situation that you are in, it breaks my heart to see other fathers/husbands in this situation. I will pray for you as I really do not know the situation well enough to make much of a suggestion. Do what is best for your marriage and your children first. Ask the Holy Spirit for guidance.


#8

Why not talk about it with her?

Is your relationship so troubled that you can't even talk to her about it without a counselor present?
THis is important not only for you but for your family and she is still your wife.
Both of you are parents and both of you should be thinking about the family when taking these kind of decisions. Do not talk to her saying "either you accept this or we're done" or in a harsh way. It is an opportunity that you want to share with her because of her and both your children. Explain to her the reasons why you consider it and what the outcome could be. Do not expect anything from her. Even if she doesn't answer you at least you showed you loved her and that can go a very long way.

You can still go to the interview after that but don't tell the employer that you can make a decision right now. Ask for some time.

I will pray for your family.

God Bless!


#9

[quote="dskysmine, post:8, topic:246075"]
Why not talk about it with her?

Is your relationship so troubled that you can't even talk to her about it without a counselor present?
THis is important not only for you but for your family and she is still your wife.
Both of you are parents and both of you should be thinking about the family when taking these kind of decisions. Do not talk to her saying "either you accept this or we're done" or in a harsh way. It is an opportunity that you want to share with her because of her and both your children. Explain to her the reasons why you consider it and what the outcome could be. Do not expect anything from her. Even if she doesn't answer you at least you showed you loved her and that can go a very long way.

You can still go to the interview after that but don't tell the employer that you can make a decision right now. Ask for some time.

I will pray for your family.

God Bless!

[/quote]

Things that are spoke out of counseling usually end up in a fight and its safer to bring it up there. Every time we are in counseling, we add new rules that each of us must follow, and I have been following them and she has not been so willing. In order for us to reconcile and save our marriage, I have to give her space, so we are living separated. I can't even tell my wife that I love her, touch her or make plans with her because these are the rules. She is 50-50 as to if she wants this marriage to continue.

I took the interview, but I will bring it up during counseling. My children need a mother, and she ceased that role months ago.

c5180


#10

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