The last time I was here, I posted about how my spouse and I haven’t had sex for over a year because we don’t want children (we don’t like children) and how we don’t want to leave it to “chance” so we don’t even practise NFP.
Well, not only do I still not like children, I have harmed one.
I was having an extremely bad day one day a few weeks ago. This 4 or 5 year old kid was ahead of me, throwing a tantrum, refused to walk and made me wait with my 20-pounds grocery bag. His mother knew I wanted to cross but couldn’t be bothered to be considerate to let me pass, and I blew it. I kicked his little foot to make him startled so that he could walk. It wasn’t a murderous kick. In fact it was so light both he and his mother did not notice it. But I shouldn’t have. It was totally wrong of me, I know. But I don’t feel guilty.
Should I confess about things I don’t feel guilty about? Can I start off my confession by saying I confess to not being guilty of being unkind to children?
I am still at a crossroad with this issue about kids. And the community is not helping. Every damn Catholic old lady is asking how many kids I have, and I feel judged. I feel like if you have 5 kids, you’re part of a holy Catholic couple. If you have none, you’re a sinning sinner. People look at me like my husband and I are using rubber and having hot sex every night.
I don’t even pray anymore now.