Hi everyone -
Please forgive me for the long post, but I’m hoping to gain some kind of understanding in this situation.
My 16-year-old son has been a joy to me, yet the past couple of years have not been so joyous with him. Almost two years ago, I asked his biological father to take custody of him because of his attitude and behavior. In the midst of an unemployment I had, he had beaten my resolve down to a pulp, and in essence, I couldn’t handle it anymore. (He had blamed me for losing my job, something I didn’t think was true.) I wasn’t in the best state of mind, because not only did I lose my job, I lost my health insurance, which is something that I needed in order to get the medications I needed for bi-polar.
His biological father agreed to take him in, and things over there were fine for a year until he got into a major argument with his stepmom, and she attacked him physically. In order to protect him from her, I took him back in, but in the next 6 months, he began smoking pot and drinking. We tried to tolerate it at first, but this past October, when I had to rush to the ER because he had an alcohol level of .25 and was found passed out on the street, vomiting all over himself, we got tougher with the rules. He did ok for about a month (we restricted him from his friends), but early in December, when he disappeared from a family outing (Christmas parade) to be with his friends and not tell anyone about it, my trust level started to decrease with him. He came home drunk that night. The following day, we (my current husband and I) wanted to talk to him about his actions - words were exchanged, a fight between his step-dad and him almost insued, and he ran out of the house. I heard from him that evening around 8:00 pm, and asked him to come home, but he wanted to stay out because he wanted to have sex with some girl. When I hung up on him, he agreed to come home around 11pm.
By 1:00 am, I was calmly packing his stuff into suitcases and bags. I felt really felt like I was nothing to him, and he showed it by disobeying a simple command to come home. The next morning, he came back, took his stuff, left me his key, and was gone.
We knew he was staying with friends, and he ended up at his dad’s side of the city. His dad was trying to help him out, but he couldn’t realistically bring his son back into his home because of the volitile nature of his wife.
We spent Christmas with out him. We talked to him several times, telling him that he can come back if his life changed. We kept trying to find signs of that in the way he talked to us or treated us, but unfortunately, it wasn’t happening. Then his father caught him in a lie, and lashed out at him physically. I took him, comforted him, and told him I was sorry.
It looked like this week he was going to come back and stay with us, but whenever the subject comes up with my family (my husband and middle son) they tell me that they can’t trust him, that he’ll make things worse around here, and my husband has now gotten to the point where he says he may not be able to control his temper around him. Plus I found out tonight that my husband is experiencing some chest pains recently, and we don’t have insurance (still) to help pay for any sort of medical expenses.
So tonight, I had to tell him that I couldn’t have him come back. He was crying, pleading with me to come back to the house - I told him I wanted him to, but I can’t, and I didn’t want him to be put into a worse situation.
This is breaking my heart terribly! I totally understand my husband and middle son’s side (he doesn’t want to see the peace destroyed, and he recently suffered a bout of major depression in which he was hospitalized). My husband is a recovering alcoholic - been sober now for nearly 5 years - and I’m soooo afraid that if my son did come back to live with us, my husband will be so stressed out that he may turn to the bottle again, or worse, may suffer a heart attack or stroke.
I prayed the Rosary tonight after all this went down - got to the Fourth Sorrowful Mystery and broke down - I can only imagine that this is what Christ meant when he said for us to take up our cross. I wonder if I did the right thing? It’s so hard to know, especially when the people you love around you are having their hearts broken by all this!
I pray that God have mercy on my soul