I just can't take it anymore.


#1

Hi everyone.

Today I want to ask for your advice.

Im 23, and Im coursing my last year of college. I do have friends from my church and from college too. I cant say Im a lonely person but the problem is that I feel really lonely. Sometimes I feel people dont dislike me but dont like me either. I wonder if its because of some aspect of my personality, maybe yes, I have tried to change. I dont have close friends.

Many times Ive been told that God is enough to be happy, and even though my rational part believes it, that does not ease the ache of loneliness. Honestly loneliness and chastity have been hard to stand the last years, and Im tired, I cant lie sometimes Im not happy.

I also been told that you dont have to worry about yourself, just care about the people around you and youll be fine, again the same problem, I found this is a beautiful theoretical idea which in practice is not so true. Maybe Im so selfish I cant love others carelessly.

I do believe marriage is my vocation and had a girlfriend more than 3 years ago, it only lasted for 5 months but I learned a lot from that relation. In the following years I took my vocation more seriously, I read books about marriage, family, etc. Ive tried to prepare myself to make that other person happy bout how can I pretend to help someone to be in her way to God and happy when Im not happy? I have an internal fight where a part of me really wants a girlfriend to serve her and another part which wants her to cure my loneliness.
Everyday I wonder when will this end?

Has anyone had a similar expirence?
Blessings


#2

I'm only answering to give you some relief. Yes, many people feel that way, and yes it will end. It will likely also return, but that's another story! For now, know that you are in the right spot. And you have come to the right place for some answers. I wish that I could give them to you, but I am just another soul who has frequently felt the same way you do right now. Chin up! Help is on the way! Someone with wisdom will hear you on this forum, and I will pray for you for some swift relief!


#3

Whoever says you need God alone doesn’t quite agree with God’s view of things.
Genesis 2:18 "Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.”
And it isn’t selfish to hope for a future wife because of you own loneliness. Marriage is intended to be a mutual blessing.

Marriage, the Catechism of the Catholic Church:
vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p2s2c3a7.htm

1603 "The intimate community of life and love which constitutes the married state has been established by the Creator and endowed by him with its own proper laws. . . . God himself is the author of marriage."87 The vocation to marriage is written in the very nature of man and woman as they came from the hand of the Creator. … "The well-being of the individual person and of both human and Christian society is closely bound up with the healthy state of conjugal and family life."89


#4

Rafa,

I am around your age. I like to be alone, but admittedly I do experience loneliness from time to time. It can be very difficult at times, and I understand what you must be dealing with.

You need to be happy with yourself - you need to love yourself - before others can love you properly. Only make the changes you want to make. Do not change for others primarily. People walk in and out of our lives constantly, we make and lose friends - but we are never free from ourselves. You are the only person who needs to live with your choices and actions forever. You and God. So be the person God wants you to be, the person you want to be - first.

Having God is enough, but even once we accept God and want nothing more than to be close to Him, loneliness can still occur. Perhaps it's because we can't see God, He's not physically present in our day-to-day lives. It can take a lot to find and stay close to something you can't see, touch, hear, etc. And for a lonely person, I imagine it's even harder.

Think about why you are unhappy, and search for a remedy. Pray for guidance and strength. Of course, caring about others is very important. But you cannot truly give care or help to others unless you have already given it to yourself.

I went through a similar experience a few years ago. I've never dated, and am unsure of whether my vocation lies in marriage. I wasted a lot of time feeling insecure and lonely and wanting to be in a relationship simply to ease that. I'm so glad I never achieved that, because I realise now I was desiring the wrong thing. It is possible to have all the friends a person could want, to be in a committed and loving relationship and still be lonely. Loneliness for me comes from somewhere deep inside. People can't always ease it. But for me, God eases it every time. Just walking into a church is enough to make me feel loved and whole.

If your vocation is marriage, trust that the Lord has set a beautiful soul aside for you, and that he will reveal that soul to you at just the right moment.

Persevere. Be patient. Have faith. God will not forsake you or lead you down the wrong path if you trust Him. If things are exceptionally difficult, you could try speaking with someone you trust, or with a priest.
I'm not sure how helpful my words have been, but I hope you can gain at least something small from them.

You will be in my prayers today. May the Lord bless and keep you always.


#5

Rafa,

I’m the same age as you and I haven’t really “dated”. I’ve been close to someone but It’s never gotten really further than that. Realize that there are more people in this world who are in the same boat that you are.

Your not the only one! :thumbsup:


#6

Rafa, you said people don't seem to like or dislike you and maybe its a personality thing. I felt the exact same way (ok still do), but I found there were also some good things about that. I didn't feel the same pressures to fit in that many others did sound never felt 8the had to impress anyone. Yes its hard to meet people when you're different, but there willwas be people whoto respond to that.

Very hard to do this from a phone. Many typos. Sorry.


#7

I completely understand where you're coming from. I did not date until I was 19 (and I was petrified because I thought no one liked me because no one jumped on the opportunity to date me...I had even resolved myself to being okay to be single for the rest of my life), and ended up falling in love with and marrying my first boyfriend...we dated for 2 years and were engaged 1, before we married.

I like to be alone. Ask any member in my family and I am a classic loner...I never had many friends, 1 or 2 at the max, and I usually didn't even hang out with them a lot. My husband is the only one besides my family that I never feel the need to step away from. He is everything I need. It took me a long time to realize it...but he is my best friend, confidant, and just someone I could be close to, without feeling the need to fill space with words. He is the one person in this world beside my family that I could not bear to lose from my life.

Wanting to not be alone is NORMAL. We were not meant to be alone. If you feel the calling towards marriage, then God bless you! It's not many who realize that marriage is a vocation and a calling from God. I will pray for your discernment :)


#8

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