Today I want to ask for your advice.
Im 23, and Im coursing my last year of college. I do have friends from my church and from college too. I cant say Im a lonely person but the problem is that I feel really lonely. Sometimes I feel people dont dislike me but dont like me either. I wonder if its because of some aspect of my personality, maybe yes, I have tried to change. I dont have close friends.
Many times Ive been told that God is enough to be happy, and even though my rational part believes it, that does not ease the ache of loneliness. Honestly loneliness and chastity have been hard to stand the last years, and Im tired, I cant lie sometimes Im not happy.
I also been told that you dont have to worry about yourself, just care about the people around you and youll be fine, again the same problem, I found this is a beautiful theoretical idea which in practice is not so true. Maybe Im so selfish I cant love others carelessly.
I do believe marriage is my vocation and had a girlfriend more than 3 years ago, it only lasted for 5 months but I learned a lot from that relation. In the following years I took my vocation more seriously, I read books about marriage, family, etc. Ive tried to prepare myself to make that other person happy bout how can I pretend to help someone to be in her way to God and happy when Im not happy? I have an internal fight where a part of me really wants a girlfriend to serve her and another part which wants her to cure my loneliness.
Everyday I wonder when will this end?
Has anyone had a similar expirence?