I kissed my best friend while drunk

Hey there,

So I’m a young girl and this past week we threw a party while my parents were away. I got very intoxicated and me and my best friend ended up making out. My other female friend. So I’m wondering where this stands morally in the church. Is this something that required confession before I receive communion next? Does it simply need confessed? Or is this one of those things I don’t need to confess because it isn’t like we did anything…? I’m kind of confused on the matter and all help to answer would be appreciated.

I’m assuming that what you’re saying is that, if you weren’t drunk, you wouldn’t have done this? If that’s the case, then at the very least, you committed a sin in getting that drunk.

Since you’re going to confession anyway, then, (;)) yes, it would be a good idea to confess the act you committed. At the very least, it might be a source of scandal and a bad example to your friend, if not a mortal sin on your part…

Gorgias has a good explanation. It is probably not a mortal sin as you did not have full consent or knowledge since you were intoxicated. However, it may still fall under venial sin since it is still objectively a sin to have such actions committed. Just as how a person under intoxication accidentally kills someone while driving under the influence, it is objectively a sin as killing is objectively a wrong. Same case here.
So yes, I would confess this to a priest.
And it’s good to confess venial sins as well. :thumbsup:

“Know you not that the unjust shall not possess the kingdom of God? Do not err: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, Nor the effeminate, nor liers with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor railers, nor extortioners, shall possess the kingdom of God.” (1 Corinthians 6:9-10 RSVCE)

Well you don’t need to confess the making out because you did not have full intent and your knowledge was impaired, but you do need to confess the intoxication, as that IS grave matter (and it sounds like it was done with full knowledge and intent from your description). While you’re there, you should definitely mention the make-out session to be safe, but the most important thing is confessing the intoxication (and throwing the party, if you lied to your parents to do so).

No that’s absolutely not true at all, if someone rapes someone while drunk it’s still a mortal sin, so even if the gravity of this additional sin is less…

It’s still a mortal sin too.

First and foremost, you are able to pray to God about your mistakes. Confession is the means Jesus gave us to make full contrition for our sins.

Many times Christians struggle to know what must be confessed in the Sacrament. This is good, but I believe the answer always comes down to you and God, in the end. What I mean, is that you know what was an offense to God, and your relationship with Him. He gave us a conscience, which we must strive to keep pure. This means Confessing what bothers the Holy Spirit. When we try to form our conscience, we should be seeking what is pleasing to the Lord, instead of merely wondering what He is gonna punish us for.

The only time I avoid Comminion is when I am struggling to regret something. When we are truly remorsefull, and intend in our hearts to be Reconciled, we are strengthened by His Body and Blood.

Please do not be so embarrassed about this that you keep it from Jesus. Telling our Priest in Confession is the holy sign that you are truly bringing it before Jesus, and not keeping it a secret. When our hearts are truly remorseful for committing sins, we will then committ Confession ;). I doubt anyone regretted confessing anything they thought may have been an offense to Jesus.

Do not dwell on this mistake too much. When you have Confessed, forget about it and never return.

Welcome to the forum, if you plan to inquire more. Pray for your pastor and parish helpers :thumbsup:

No, it would only necessarily be grave matter. Having less than full intent or less than full knowledge reduces the culpability for the specific act to a venial sin (or, if intent or knowledge is fully NOT present, not a sin at all). However, this is also why intentionally reducing one’s ability to reason properly to a highly impaired state is also grave matter, because it can lead to people making decisions without intent to do so.

Of course, the legal consequences would (and should) still be in effect, but the theological consequences might be lighter (for that specific act; getting drunk would still be a mortal sin if done with intent and knowledge, making the point moot when it comes to eternal salvation).

There is a very, very common misconception that “grave matter” and “mortal sin” are interchangeable; they are not.

I can’t believe people are seriously comparing a girl drunkenly kissing another girl to rape and murder. The first case isn’t grave matter and has no inherent violence against another person.

Joie, impairing your reason to the point of being unable to exercise your free will is grave matter, wouldn’t you say?

Certainly however these people are actually comparing the kissing to rape and murder which is absurd and harmful to the image of the Church.

For SMG I completely understand what you’re saying but is the same argument I had with a girl that said she could get an abortion because when she had sexual intercourse she consented to having sex but not to getting pregnant when the op consented to getting drunk she consented to all bad decisions afterward. We also don’t know how drunk she was and while people are intoxicated even though they may be more likely to do something they normally wouldn’t there are people in her situation that would not have “made out.”

As for joie this level of immodesty and intimacy known as making out is serious grave matter and does damn a eternal soul to hell. However I take issue with your calling of my analogy harmful to the Church. Do you know I like pandas and chocolate cake Joie? Simply, because I’m using both of them to point something out about me doesn’t mean I’m saying panda bears are made of chocolate cake!! (Although sometimes I secretly wish they were made of chocolate cake.)

There isn’t any theological guidance I am aware of on this issue. In the absence of such, I am fairly certain we should NOT be assuming mortal sin on any issue that the OP may or may not have had full intent/knowledge during. However, as she does need to confess getting drunk (and potentially the party depending on circumstances), she might as well be safe and confess the making out as well.

In addition, your analogy isn’t really valid, since the woman would be making a completely lucid decision to abort her child. A better analogy would be a woman who obtained an abortion in a state of heavy alcohol impairment, and I would have the same opinion as I would have for any other decision one makes during alcohol impairment. I do not believe it to be mortal, but the alcohol impairment certainly is.

Think about it. If someone places GHB in someone else’s drink, and that person then goes on to have sex with a third person, is person #2 responsible for the sin of premarital sex? Absolutely not. Is the person who placed GHB in their drink responsible for premarital sex? Of course not. But they most CERTAINLY are responsible for the mortal sin of assault via drugging.

The same principle applies to someone who voluntarily seeks the temporary heavy reduction of their reason. They are committing a sin of grave matter, but the theological culpability of all subsequent sins is likely reduced. However, this is also why drug-induced impairment of any kind is so sinful.

So she wouldn’t get excommunicated latae sententiae then?? The problem is you are not taking into factor that many women would not have an abortion drunk so you have to account what they knew beforehand as well before making the decision. Therefore, it’s absolutely a mortal sin to fornicate if you get drunk first etc.

It would be difficult to argue she would. The reason I say this is because a person can have an excommunication remitted through repentance, and part of the reason an excommunication is given is due to the heretical nature of the grave sin. For example:

Let’s say there was a woman who just found out she was pregnant accidentally. She was under a lot of pressure from her family and/or boyfriend to abort the child, but she does not want to. Due to the stress, she falls into further sin and gets drunk. Taking advantage of this drunken state, the boyfriend goes into a long speech about why she should get an abortion. She ultimately relents, because her ability to reason is impaired and the stress is overwhelming her in her drunken state, even though her sober state would never have gotten an abortion and did not want it. When she sobers the next day, she immediately is wrought with guilt and heads to Church to confess it in tears.

Is this woman excommunicated, in your opinion?

To add to this,

It is impossible to consent to sex when intoxicated. How would such an act then be a probable mortal sin, let alone absolutely a mortal sin? “Fornicating” drunk is legally considered rape; do you think theologically that it isn’t?

Yes because still many women would not get an abortion in this situation too. One thing to add is if a woman schedules an abortion gets drunk and gets an abortion the scheduling of the abortion wasn’t the sin it was getting it herself. (Of course there was a sin in scheduling of it but there is more gravity and the excommunication in the second act committed.)

I don’t know how many times I’m going to say this for every woman that will fornicate drunk another won’t fornicate drunk we are not controllable robots when intoxicated we are a different form of ourselves. Mel Gibson wouldn’t of said anything about Jews if he didn’t believe it sober

So no matter how drunk a woman is and how sober a man is, if she says yes to sex, it isn’t rape and/or is consensual? You’re walking a very fine tightrope TL, one that I don’t think has enough structural support to hold your argument up. We are extremely impressionable when drunk, and there are many things we do drunk we would never think to do sober.

I will say it again. I do not believe it possible to consent when intoxicated. But this is all irrelevant, because this is a thread requesting help and the important thing is that she goes to confession and explains how the party formed and that she got drunk and did sinful actions while drunk.

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