Its long but please, please help…
TMI warning (not too bad though) but I need help and opinions desperatly. Please be kind as I know the churches teaching and I am terrified.
I am sick. I have PMDD (extreme pms) and worst of all interstitial cystitis. It is a non-curable debilitating auto immune disease (ulcers that bleed on bladder lining) that gives me excruciating pain when urinating (every time) and extreme urgency. It is like a PERMANENT severe urinary tract infection. It is progresive and I have begun urinating on accident… I am extremly healthy other than that and only 30. My IC might be treatable with birth control that eliminates my period. There are no other options at this point since I have tried meds, surgery, tens system, a gallon of h20 a day and physical therapy. My drs. Are fed up. I can control it (6/10 pain at best) some days with antidepressants, a urgency patch and heat pack but PMS and period week(2 weeks) it hets WORSE. I am useless to my family. I am depressed and in debilitating pain.
Now… I am married. No I dont want to prevent children. I have 4 beautiful kids currently (all under 8) and we have a good respectful sex life. If I go on birth control I am scared of it affecting our relationship… What if hes happy im on it because of the infertility part? Is that a sin on his part? What if I end up feeling like that too some day? Will it at any point be harming a fertilized egg?
But even if I go on BC we would be ECSTATIC if it failed and I got pregnant () and we would be 100% open to life! I want another child anyway haha.
I can honestly say I just want my periods gone. I want the pain gone. I want to care for my family and not be sick and useless all the time. Its definitely hurting my husband and kids… Hopefully I could stop taking anti-depressants (helps with pain) but I am scared to go to hell. I know the church says its not wrong for medical reasons but I am scared it is… I have avoided taking BC for this disease for 15 years because Im terrified. But im so depressed and in pain. I want to please God… I want to go to heaven.
Is suffering/embarassment from my disease better than risking hell? Or am I sinning by NOT fixing the issue.
What would you do or what would you want your wife to do… Help
*also I have talked to 5 priests and Bishop Olmsted in Phoenix… So very good priests, very very conservative with church teaching.
First thank you for your replies… Second a fun note:
My mom is visiting Rome on business. Yesterday she prayed for me to find healing at the Vatican. Which was the same hour (time difference) that I posed my original post. I did not even know she was going to the Vatican that day.
I have never received so much support and kindness and advice on this (or any) subject ever. I am taking this as a sign from God that Im being rediculous and need to help myself hahaha.
I am very at peace with taking the medication. I will be starting it tomorrow please keep my family in your prayers and for my healing, its appreciated. Thank you all and I will pray for you all. I asked her to pray for you all as well…God Bless