I Lost the Battle


#1

After many hours of prayers and Novenas, a Retrouvaille weekend and numerous conversations by wife has been calling her lover who she cheated on me again. The day after Retrouvaulle she started calling him. I don't know if she has seen him, but there have been a lot of call in the last 4 days.

This is distrubing and extremely dissapointing. She told me that it was over and if it ever started she would tell me. So after the Retrouvaille weekend and all the time and effort I have been putting in, now we go backwards.

I hope I have the strength to go thru the divorce now, it will not be pleasant.


#2

Do you know what the conversations are about? How do you know she isn't trying to end the relationship through these phone calls? :shrug:


#3

I had the same thought. Please don't give up as if she is in fact ending things and he is being difficile about it, any negativity from you may unbalance things. Please be pleasant, warm, and kind, and give your wife hope that you are good to be with, as this is an emotional time for her also. She needs to feel you are thee better choice, especially if the other man is doing his best to keep her hooked and using emotional pressure. She may need the help of your loving attention ad your positive attitude, your warmth, to help her overcome the loss. If a friend had died you would be sensitive to her loss, and there is a loss here.
I feel for you. It's a hard thing to handle.
may God give you all the wisdom, love, and strength you need. Her also


#4

I'll say a prayer for you.


#5

[quote="Em_in_FL, post:2, topic:244517"]
Do you know what the conversations are about? How do you know she isn't trying to end the relationship through these phone calls? :shrug:

[/quote]

I don't, but she broke aff all communications with him 2 months ago and all during Retrouvaille she kept saying she still loved him, so I believe she is starting this up again.


#6

[quote="Trishie, post:3, topic:244517"]
I had the same thought. Please don't give up as if she is in fact ending things and he is being difficile about it, any negativity from you may unbalance things. Please be pleasant, warm, and kind, and give your wife hope that you are good to be with, as this is an emotional time for her also. She needs to feel you are thee better choice, especially if the other man is doing his best to keep her hooked and using emotional pressure. She may need the help of your loving attention ad your positive attitude, your warmth, to help her overcome the loss. If a friend had died you would be sensitive to her loss, and there is a loss here.
I feel for you. It's a hard thing to handle.
may God give you all the wisdom, love, and strength you need. Her also

[/quote]

Thanks, I just hope this is ending and not starting. I have my doubts.


#7

[quote="Trishie, post:3, topic:244517"]
I had the same thought. Please don't give up as if she is in fact ending things and he is being difficile about it, any negativity from you may unbalance things. Please be pleasant, warm, and kind, and give your wife hope that you are good to be with, as this is an emotional time for her also. She needs to feel you are thee better choice, especially if the other man is doing his best to keep her hooked and using emotional pressure. She may need the help of your loving attention ad your positive attitude, your warmth, to help her overcome the loss. If a friend had died you would be sensitive to her loss, and there is a loss here.
I feel for you. It's a hard thing to handle.
may God give you all the wisdom, love, and strength you need. Her also

[/quote]

I have done everything I can do to make her stay, but she says she has no love for me and this new man she totally is the one. We are married 25 years and still have an 11 and 13 boys at home. I feel I don't have any options left but to let her go. She wants an annullment, but that won't happen. She has the choice to live with me and work things out, or go live in mortal sin with this man. She is aware of this and she can't have both. What about the boys. They need to be taken care of as well. I am doing that as much as I can right now. The Retrouvaulle counselor from the weekend is having coffee with my wife to try and reason with her. This lady has the same background.

I am getting stronger everyday since my nervous breakdown. I just hope God gives me the courage and strength when I need it. I have already talk to a divorce lawyer.I HATE this situation so much since I love my wife so much this just cuts to my heart.

DG


#8

Your instincts are a good guide. Based on what you have said so far, I recommend getting out as fast as you can and on good terms if at all possible. Conserve your resources as best you can. Get ready to start a new life.

Infidelity happens a lot on a single instance basis. When it is serial in nature, and after something as significant as a Retrouvaille weekend - forget it!

You are facing a serious problem. You need to protect yourself and get out fast. Here is why. You will be the single reference for virtue to her for the rest of her life. There may be a chance far down the road when you can save her. It may be 10 or 15 years later. Get ready now.


#9

Prayers offered.


#10

[quote="Samuel63, post:8, topic:244517"]
Your instincts are a good guide. Based on what you have said so far, I recommend getting out as fast as you can and on good terms if at all possible. Conserve your resources as best you can. Get ready to start a new life.

Infidelity happens a lot on a single instance basis. When it is serial in nature, and after something as significant as a Retrouvaille weekend - forget it!

You are facing a serious problem. You need to protect yourself and get out fast. Here is why. You will be the single reference for virtue to her for the rest of her life. There may be a chance far down the road when you can save her. It may be 10 or 15 years later. Get ready now.

[/quote]

Thanks. This is so HARD to deal with. It is taking every ounce of me to handle this. I have NOT spoken about her talking to him after Retrouvaulle. This will take place after she sees the Retrouvaille coach later this evening one-on-one. Perhaps she will convert.


#11

I will keep you in my prayers.


#12

I wanted to offer the following point. These two boys are your next responsibility. They are at a critical age. If you can grow together and deepen your faith together - great. If this would happen more effectively in a separated arrangement - do it. Peace in the home is important to these boys. You may have more peace and growth if you were separated.

Just a thought.


#13

I am so sorry....I kept you in my thoughts and prayers during your Retrouvaille weekend.
I will still pray for you to have the strength and grace of God to carry on with the boys. :hug1:


#14

Bless you. Praying.


#15

[quote="dgeier0725, post:7, topic:244517"]
I have done everything I can do to make her stay, but she says she has no love for me and this new man she totally is the one. We are married 25 years and still have an 11 and 13 boys at home. I feel I don't have any options left but to let her go. She wants an annullment, but that won't happen. She has the choice to live with me and work things out, or go live in mortal sin with this man. She is aware of this and she can't have both. What about the boys. They need to be taken care of as well. I am doing that as much as I can right now. The Retrouvaulle counselor from the weekend is having coffee with my wife to try and reason with her. This lady has the same background.

I am getting stronger everyday since my nervous breakdown. I just hope God gives me the courage and strength when I need it. I have already talk to a divorce lawyer.I HATE this situation so much since I love my wife so much this just cuts to my heart.

DG

[/quote]

Holding on to her is not going to make her stay. Let it go. the respect and trust is no longer there anyway. You will suffer for a while but please God first and this will help you to deal wiht the situation. I will guarantee you that she will find out soon or later the big mistake she has made. I have seen happening over and over again. Give her to God and let Him deal with the situation. this is the only thing you can do. God be with and give you the strengh to live on.


#16

[quote="dgeier0725, post:10, topic:244517"]
Thanks. This is so HARD to deal with. It is taking every ounce of me to handle this. I have NOT spoken about her talking to him after Retrouvaulle. This will take place after she sees the Retrouvaille coach later this evening one-on-one. Perhaps she will convert.

[/quote]

What a **** deal...Sorry brother. I'm in a similiar spot from the looks.


#17

I will pray for both of you that are going through this.

If you have kids involved that will be trying to live a normal life later on, I think it is a good idea to show them how to take action and make tough decisions when necessary. I predict what is happening to you right now will more than double in frequency with the next generation - our current teenagers.

How will they cope? They will learn from your example to avoid a passive approach, be proactive, and protect the little ones in their home.

God bless you both!


#18

I had another interesting observation to offer and to ponder. I have seen this situation before with the male and female roles reversed. The husband was being unfaithful. As quick as a wink, posts rolled in recommending the wife to leave the no good lout. You could hear the audience pulling out their knives to flay the poor soul.

I just think it is interesting to see rare glimpses of a double standard.


#19

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