I love mom, but I don't respect her


#1

(I think I’ve brought this up before here in the past, but it’s gotten worse)

Is is a sin to not respect your mother?
I originally typed up a long ramble on why I don’t respect mom, but then I thought I should only answer why if asked.

I can only pray that God can guide me to be more compassionate towards her, it just hurts knowing that this is my mother I’m talking about.
Many women have a loving, sweet, caring, kind mother to help them through the hard times.
Maybe I’m jealous, or maybe I should be grateful I at least have a mom…I just don’t know.
My sister has disowned mom, but I still love her so I don’t want to do that.


#2

It sounds as if your Mom needs lots of prayer if both you and your sister struggle with your relationship with her. She was a child with grew up with flaws, and it's hard if the parent is the difficult child in the relationship. I imagine there are triggering causes, and for those...compassion, if also frustration.

It's what we have a right to expect of our parents that can hurt, because sometimes they're not up to those expectations. If it's hard to feel respect, it is still necessary to live and act with some respect, even if the disappointment cuts and interactions are difficult. The act of respect can take different forms, even part of which can be reasonable avoidance of situations with her that are set up to fail and cause her to behave badly or you to feel miserable.
How that respect translates is up to you to assess, knowing your situation, which we don't.

Yes it's great you have a Mom. Mine died when I was 18, and my Dad just died. My Dad...was the best person. Couldn't ask for more.
I still miss my mother sometimes.

But when you are hurt by a mother's insensitivity and lack of emotional support, it's very easy for others to comment and even to advise, but it's a very personal hurt, Belle, and any words that any of us can say can't ease the acute hurt at those times. In the end I guess you decide to be a very different kind of parent. Perhaps she's teaching you the kind of Mom you always wish to be, by what she is unable to be. She misses out on a lot, poor thing, if she doesn't get how to share love with her children.


#3

Perhaps you could make a distinction between respecting your mother as a human being on the one hand, and approving or disapproving of the choices she makes, on the other?

Also, consider that forgiveness does not mean excusing the offender's actions, nor does it mean being fond of her. Forgiveness, like love, is an act of the will, not an emotion.
You may love and forgive your mother even while you reject the choices she makes.

I'll pray for both of you.


#4

I would ditto all of that.

Respect & honor are a part of love because God commands that we honor our parents… does that mean we should condone the bad things they do? Of course not…but that doesnt mean we shouldn’t respect & honor them. We ought to honor our parents based on the fact that it is a commandment of God. Its as the OP says a part of the will… its not about “feeling” fond of your parents (because naturally you wouldnt if they were doing wrong)

Your brother in Christ,
Zachary


#5

Maybe you need to seperate the mother from the woman? It sounds like there are many issues between you two and your sister…maybe you need to try and get to know your mother as a woman before you respect her?

You love her. It means a lot…have you told her that lately?


#6

It IS good for me to think of it as at least being obedient to God.
After all, it's not the first time I've quit habits or gained new ones out of obedience.
I do tell her I love her at the end of every phone conversation and the like.

And I should also think about how love and forgiveness doesn't always have happy feelings associated with it all the time.
Maybe I can practice with prayer...think to myself "I love her, I forgive her, I respect her for who she is."
...
ACK, Lord forgive me, it was hard to just type that!
I didn't realize I was THAT bitter!
...
Okay, after that initial shock, I'm starting to feel better.
Just say it again, Belle..."I love her, I forgive her, and I respect her for who she is."
THERE.
Keep it up without typing it now!
(Thank you guys, God bless! <3 )


#7

I don't know your backround info, but I'll try to answer anyways.

What exactly do you mean by respect? Do you mean treating her with respect as we give authority? Yes we should. Do you have to like her and accept her actions? Not at all.

I hear you. As a teen I argue with my mom a lot. But when I am so angry and I don't want to forgive, I tell God, " I will forgive and respect my mom because I love YOU, just know its not for my mom." Tell yourself its for God. I'm short tempered and when I get angry I really couldn't care who I hurt. I want them to hurt. I'm sure you are not as bad :o, however I always want to love God. It might help to say this to yourself. "I will do this ---- for you God, not for anyone else." It helps with the pride we have.

Remember love isn't a feeling, its a choice. We can feel angry, but we choose to love or hate through our actions. Same with forgivness. Tell God how you feel if you need to. Tell him, "I am so hurt and upset, I can't forgive, help me."

I hope this helps you. God Bless :)


#8

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