Hello, I cant understand this??? I was good friends with a woman, She was so neat I have never met anyone more pure and beautiful than her…She is such a saint…she had a little boy who was about 11 months old. We got along great for awhile… anyways…we broke up…I dont blame her for getting bored with me…I am a little boring at times…I guess…I may have made her feel un-comfortable with how I talked or written to her…(my feelings)…I dont know…?? All I know is that I miss her and her little baby. I dont mind that she broke up our friendship…I am bothered by the fact that she never brought any closure to this friendship…In thruth…I will always care for her and her precious child. I am not sure how to take any of this …I did not do anything wrong?? Or atleast to my thinking…There was never any closure…how should I go on…I am confussed??? I just want to be her friend now…which is totally fine with me, but She wont even talk to me… what do I do ???
You sound so sad and upset and I am very sorry you feel this way.
Have you told her what you have posted here? If not, then tell her. Whether she accepts your love or not in telling her what you have told us here you will be at rights with her and with God. You will have told her your true feelings in respect of her. If she accepts all well and good, but if she declines your love then you have closure and you have no regrets, you have been honest.
Don’t ask God for anything specific just commend this situation to God and put it in His loving hands.
By the way, how do you know you are boring? I don’t think anyone is boring, there is a deepness and beauty to everyone and everyone is fascinating. Your expression of love and care for this woman and her child is very far from boring. You know that some people crave the bright lights and ignore the little flame under their nose, but when they eventually get to the bright lights they find they are empty even though from afar they looked exciting and appealing and looking back they see the beauty in that steady and constant little flame that they wish they had not passed by.
In my prayers
I will defnitely keep you in my prayers. I definitely recommend telling her how you feel, if you haven`t done so already. You might try writing her a letter. Even if she does not read it, it will provide a way for you to release your feelings, and have closure for yourself, which you deserve, and is very important.
I suggest praying for her and for her child. Pray that you will follow God`s will and that the situation will turn out in a way that is best for all involved. Praying for someone who is no longer in your life can really help because you are also being proactive. Please do not feel selfish to ask God to help heal your heart. There is nothing wrong with that. Try going to Mass during the week when you can. That really helped me get over an extremely difficult breakup because it helped me realize how much God loved me.
I also agree with the previous poster who questioned whether you are really boring. I know some people might describe me as that way, and if they do, they are wrong. But regardless of whether a person is boring or not, the right woman for you will love you just the way you are, flaws and all.
We never know what will happen down the road and sometimes we have no choice but to deal with the consequences of a broken heart. But please know you are not alone. I will be praying for you and so will many other people here at CAF.
Jeff, I have been there. The feeling of “why? what happened? my fault? his fault? OW OW OW” is incredible.
The most important thing for you to remember is that what you are feeling right now will not last forever. Feelings rarely do. The other thing you need to think about is how you can practice the virtues of Obedience and Acceptance around this issue.
You may NEVER have the answers to this dilemna. Can you live with that possibility?
I discovered that when something like this happened to me and I was in so much pain I had to take some specific actions to help me accept.
I used my Jesus Box. Have you ever tried using one?
Let her go, friendships need two to tango. If the other party isn’t interested then pursuing a friendship is not in order.
You may never get closure, you may never speak to her again. It’s solely her decision and you have to respect that.
Everyone has had their heart broken, but you can’t force someone to love or take any interest in you.
awwe Jeff - (((hugs)))
and she didnt even offer an explanation? darn, this hurts.
As hard as it seems, remember that the pain is from rejection. Try joining this rejection you’re feeling - to the rejection that Jesus felt.
Once you are able to do this, it becomes a prayer…
and offering this prayer/pain up for HER will actually heal you.
Did I confuse you?
hang in there, and remember - time heals!
Jeff, I know it hurts, and this won’t take the hurt away, but hang in there!
The lady I married was not the first lady I asked to marry me. And I was not the first man to ask her to marry him. But 38 years later, here we are, and I have to stop and think back to even remember the name of the first lady I asked. (I do recall it, but honestly, it is nowhere near the tip of my tongue or the front of my mind. And my wife, a few years back, couldn’t remember the guy’s name, though I did recall it when I thought back, too.)
The pain and hurt, though real, is definitely not terminal.
You know, with her responsibility to her child she may not be ready for a relationship now. If the father of the child came around she may have needed to give it a chance and she may not know how to tell you. I am not saying this is right. She also could be confused. Give it time, prayer, and well I am a firm believer that if it is meant to be it will happen in God’s time.
“Let it go” I know that it is easier said then done. She obviously has issues that she needs to deal with and it is very clear by her actions that there is no room in her life for you right now. Give her the space that she needs to heal or move on with her life.
I would suggest that you send her an email if she has saying the following. Tell her that you will always love and care about her and the baby. You understand that at this moment she is going through a tough time and that she needs space to deal with whatever is happening to her right now. And tell her that you will always be there for her if she needs you. And leave like that.
You cannot keep hurting yourself and pondering about it. AND STOP BEEN NEGATIVE who said that you were boring. Have confidence in yourself. Sometimes things are just not meant to be and you need to let it go. I have learnt this the very hard way but letting go is not easy but you cannot force somebody to be with you if they do not. She has her reason why she ended the friendship. And stop blaming yourself and beating yourself up about it. It is not worth it. I am taking from experience somebody told me that to stop been negative and just let things go sometimes it is for the best.
I feel your hurt, but please leave this lady alone now. You stated that she won’t talk with you, so sending further messages or continuing to call may be considered harassing by her. I very wise man once told me that so long as one person has unrequited feelings for another person, those two cannot be “just friends.” It takes some time and space to clear the air of a romance, especially if there was not a solid base of platonic friendship before the relationship moved into romance.
Perhaps you wanted the romantic relationship more than she (or faster than she did) and came across as too needy or clingy? You would be unlikely to realize that you may have been moving too fast for her if she could not articulate her feelings well. There are different comfort levels with different people about how much time spent calling or seeing each other at different stages in a relationship are comfortable or appropriate. I have had a couple of men try to go from 0 to 60 in what felt like far too little time for me. When I was in my 20’s I did not know how to deal with this behavior and I ran away just as this young lady appears to have done.
If you have a trusted female friend or sister who observed this relationship or any other that you may have had end similarly, I would suggest asking them to be brutally honest with you. Find out if there is something that you are doing to chase a woman off or if it was just this particular woman who was not a match for you. I would hate for you to keep making a simple mistake over and over (such as calling too often or asking too many personal questions or acting too possessively) and missing out on a good relationship.
doing any better today? Please check in… we’re concerned about ya! ((hugs))