I’m 20 she’s 42

I’m a 20 y/o guy and I just asked a 42 y/o year old woman out. She said yes. We’re both devout Catholics and looking for a long term relationship/marriage. @ few questions.

  1. What will the difference be between dating a young girl and dating a 42 y/o woman?
  2. Would a priest refuse to marry a couple with a large age gap?
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I have a female friend who married someone someone 11 years younger than her, and my Father-in-law was 29 years older than my Mother-in-law. Age gaps become less of a deal the older you get.

That being said, I was married at 19, and while God uses all things for the good of those who love him, I wish desperately that I had waited until my mid-twenties. I had a drastic change in my thought process, values, and maturity that made life really difficult to manage while married.
That is not to say that I think marrying young is a mistake. I’m just saying that in my case, waiting a few more years would have saved me a lot of heartache and grief and trials.


I’m sorry but why would you want to marry someone who could be your mother?
I guess love is love but this is bizarre. Do you not want to have children or have someone to grow old with?


The difference is that a 42 year old woman is mostly set in her ways and a 20 year old woman is still maturing and her values and outlook on life can still change dramatically. Also, a 42 year old woman likely won’t be able to give you children of your own. And, depending on how mature the 20 year-old boyfriend looks, people might mistake her for a predatory school teacher.


The first date is a little early to worry about marriage.

Good for you though. Enjoy your date. I always think age is relative and God can find good matches no matter the age difference.


Your old enough to be her son and the older women get the hard pregnancy and conception becomes.

She will get older and eventually you will regret the marriage.

It’s better to marry a woman your own age so you two can grow older together.

A little bit of an age gap isn’t bad but I can’t advise you date someone old enough to be your parent.


There is nothing intrinsically wrong with a relationship such as this, but what about children? Let’s say you get married in two years and have your first child the next year. She will be 45. There are increased risks of various problems when the mother is in that age cohort. Then a second child? Something to consider.

Also, I’m sure you’ve already done the math, but when you are 30, she’ll be 52. When you’re 40, she’ll be 62. When you’re 50, she’ll be 72. Not saying that’s a bad thing, just stating the fact. How do you feel about this?

The difference between dating a young girl and a woman aged 42? Just stating the obvious, she will be more mature and will bring more to the relationship. What does she see in you? How do you view one another? As equals?

There is nothing in canon law or the discipline of the Church that prohibits age differences in marriage. It would be simply an issue of prudence and looking at your own mutual circumstances.

But all you have done is simply to ask her out. You are asking the right questions — too many people just date for the sake of dating, with partners they would never think of marrying. I’ve never been in favor of that. Very often one partner’s feelings will get way out in front of the other partner’s. Enjoy your date and hope things go well.


The other thing is why is she dating you?

That is a red flag to me what kind of woman is this because typically an older woman wants a younger man for impure purposes.

Remember chastity be careful who you date and where you find people to date and remember dating is for the purpose of finding a spouse it’s not a recreation.

If your not ready for kids then your not ready for marriage make sure your education is completed and have a good paying job.


Also, I hope you are still not even partially dependent on your parents. I know that, if I found out one of my barely a teenager kids was dating someone old enough to be their parent, they would be getting cut off.


How is that reckless? Chances of birth defects and complications get higher with age and chances of conceiving get slimmer. If someone absolutely wants kids, they shouldn’t be dating someone in their 40s.


I’m always sensitive to these types of comments as one of my parents was in their 40’s and much older than my other parent. Yes there is a slight increase in some problems with older parents, but much of that depends on many many other factors including the general health of the parent who is older and other environmental factors.

I just don’t agree on this one.


Thanks @jack63 I appreciate it.

There are risks. There are drawbacks. These must all be considered.


Any 42 year old woman pursuing a relationship with a 20 year old is much more likely to have some issues. Not ageism this is just factual. She probably is suffering some mid life crisis and it makes her feel secure feeling attractive to a 20 year old kid. There’s probably some insecurities going on here. Face it, this is text book Investigate Discovery kind of stuff you see on TV. I would just date someone your own age, this is something you will look back at and think what was I thinking?


I’ve payed attention, @Cruciferi, -over these 2 years- to the few posts where you shared with the community your “state of life”. I think the risks need not merely considered, but thoroughly examined, studied and contrasted. As I have done, over this time…It pains me to see preconceptions placed on the gift of life and matrimony that hold little to no truth to them - as we have seen on this thread. Thus being well informed, on such matters, should indeed be a catholic prerogative.


These are all speculative assumptions.


Here’s my take @thome600

I have a family member who is currently engaged to someone 38 years her senior. In the short term it might work; however, in the long run, there are too many factors going against such a relationship.

Enjoy your date and each other’s company; however, I would strongly urge you to find someone closer to your age so that both of you can grow together and have a successful marriage.


You need to at least look at the data. Figuring 2 years of dating before marriage, she’ll be 44 by the time you’re married. According to the Wikipedia article, “At age 45, 87% of couples were infertile”. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_and_female_fertility


There are always seeming exceptions to.the rule people seem to have about age differences. Most famously, French President Macron appears to have been happily married.for 12 years now to a lady 20+ years his senior. And by all accounts he pursued her rather than the other way around.

Mind you, he was about 30 and had known her since he was in high school when they married, so it was obviously not a sudden decision made by a very young man. I think that makes a difference

You do need to factor in things like.children - if the two of you want to give birth or adopt, then her age means there is a short window of opportunity.

And how.compatible/complimentary are you otherwise? As a mid-forties lady myself, I think most.young fellas probably wouldn’t enjoy most if any of the same hobbies, music or movies or whatnot that I do.

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No, no, no, no, no, no no. And then no.
What on earth are you thinking??

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