I’m starting to burn out


#1

I am burning out. I have 2 jobs. One full time and the other part time with a lot of travel involved. My wife has been having health problems the last few months and between working and trying to help her take care of the house I find little time to get the rest I need. We have 2 adult children but it’s useless to ask for their help because they never have the time but whenever they need our help they never hesitate to ask and I usually do what they ask my help for.
My wife and I haven’t been to mass in six months because I never have the time to take us there. The only place we seem to go to on a regular basis is doctor appts. and hospital er. I’m getting tired of it. Our old priest once told me I need to make time for myself but I really don’t see how with everything going on.
I’m not asking for help… I guess I’m looking for someplace to vent as I find it impossible to talk to my wife or anybody else about this.


#2

We can and will pray for you and your wife. Unfortunately, I think there are many, many folks in your situation. You just operate on auto pilot and if you stop, you crash. You work two jobs, so I’m sensing that finances are an issue. Some parishes have people who will help with medical transportation. I know you aren’t asking for advice, but perhaps a phone call to your Priest would yield some relief. I’ll pray for your children, too. Blessings.


#3

Why? (10 characters)


#4

Ask anyway. Insist and press upon them how much you really need them right now.

Start saying no.


#5

Your children are grown. Be honest with them, you need their help. They can’t be more busy than you sound. Be honest also that you help them out when they need it even though you too are busy.

Would it be possible to quit your part time job? Or at least look for one that has less hours?

You do need to take time for yourself. That is the reason you are burning out, you have no time to recharge yourself.


#6

You still need to find the time for mass. If you do not have the time, then you have to prioritise whatever that little time you have, for mass, so that you would not miss it completely in your life. You have to make the decision on the priority, not anybody else, and then stick with it.

Life is not all about work but about God as well. When we focus too much on work and put God aside, something is not right. The priority is not right.

God bless.


#7

Caregivers need respite care. Sit your adult children down and lay all of your cards on the table. If they are unwilling to help, don’t ask again. There are people in your parish who will help, people in your community, start reaching out. Prayers for you!


#8

First of all, I understand because I’m in a similar situation with my husband working hard for the both of us. God bless you for working so hard to take care of your family. :heart:

I would personally recommend trying to find some time to call/talk to your pastor, and see what kinds of parish resources are there for you, for help.

Sometimes there are different kinds of resources, where members of the parish can come and help out in the home and do other things for parish outreach, to help a family in a time of need. That is something that you would need to find out, if you would be interested in something like that. That could help to make things a bit easier for you and your wife.

Also, if your wife is ill and can’t get to Mass, you can also find out if she can perhaps get on the Homebound/Sick Call list for the parish, where someone from the parish can come to your home and bring her Communion. This way, you wouldn’t have to worry about this when you’re working.

You can always talk to your pastor about your own Mass obligation, if you are having difficulty getting to Mass due to your work schedule. That’s what I would personally do, if it were me. I know that with some jobs, we’re obligated to work weekends. It comes with the job.

I know how difficult your situation is, speaking from personal experience. As a wife who is in a similar situation to yours, I highly recommend reaching out to your wife, to talk to her. :heart:

May God bless you both! You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, and I pray that everything works out for you and your family. :slightly_smiling_face:


#9

Prayers offered on behalf of you and your family. Seconding reaching out to your parish and being straightforward about your current challenges with your family.
I wonder if an organization like meals on wheels might be able to lighten the burden of cooking and if a parishioner might be willing to stay home with your wife while you assist at Mass. Communion can be brought to the home. You might reach out to Knights of Columbus (they have helped seniors with yard work here) of Saint Vincent de Paul or your local food bank for a bit of support. They are there to help others and it sounds as though this might be your turn to receive. May God bless you.
jt


#10

Thank you everybody for your advice. My wife is disabled because of PTSD and anxiety issues stemming from a bad childhood. In the last few years she has been having health issues and has had to have few surgical procedures to resolve her health issues. Lately we’ve have been dealing with overproduction of insulin causing her blood sugar to drop very low. It’s causing other problems like abdominal pain and fatigue so she isn’t able to do much around the house. I try to help when I can but some days I’m too tired to do much. I work full time as an armed security agent and part time as a otr truck driver taking loads out on short 2-3 day runs. Up to October last year I was driving full time then my wife started having seizures and I had to abruptly quit and find something local. I am trying to close out some of our smaller bills such as car and couple small loans with second job and use the primary to cover our utilities. The problem it seems like 2 or 3 times a month some type of medical emergency happens and spend hours in er or have specialist appt 3 or 4 hours away that sometimes requires an overnight stay. I have very little time for anything else. We haven’t been to mass in six months due to I’m either working or something comes up and back to the hospital we go. My kids have their own lives and asking them to help by simply asking one of them to come over to check on their mother or pick up a medication seems to be rejected because they don’t have the time even though they don’t hesitate to ask my help in working on a vehicle for them or babysitting. I don’t mind the working on their cars as long as I have time to do it because it saves them from a costly shop fee and I like to work with my hands.
Lately though I’ve been feeling overwhelmed with work, my family and lack of simple help at home. It causes a lot of anger on my part that I just hold in not to mention the fatigue I am feeling lately. I feel like I’m burning the candle at both ends. As far as quitting one of the jobs it’s not doable unless I choose to go back to otr driving full time as the local job doesn’t pay much. As I said in my opening statement I feel like I’m burning out. I know it’s going to get better. My wife is looking to have another surgery and from what she has researched now that we have a doctor actually looking at her closely and sees the problem based on labs and testing, she should make a full recovery. As far as two jobs as long as I’m working local I will always have them I’m just looking forward to the day when I get the last of my debts I’m working to close eliminated then I can drop to one or 2 runs a month with second job.
I have talked to my priest about it in confession as I have had a lot of anger with the situation and he basically told me I need to do something for myself as I am trying to help everybody else I’m not helping me. With our current financial state and needs I don’t see me doing anything of the sort. I have talked with my wife about a possible camping trip after her surgery sometime in September or October but until then I just preserver with hope that everything will work out.


#11

Mass is the most important. Drop anything, I mean ANYTHING, to get to Mass on Sunday. Listen to your priest. He was right.


#12

Yes, ^ this, and also, stop fixing your kids stuff for them. Either they are family and help you out too, or not. They are being terrible to you. Do not allow them to do that to you. Let them go pay to get their cars fixed and you use the “free” time to do something for yourself.


#13

does your son or daughter live with you? Me and my siblings live at home but its expected of us to help our parents with chores and work around the house like the saying goes parents raise kids then we take care of our parents in there older age.


#14

Unless your children are in a grave situation of their own (like caring for special needs or medically fragile children), you need to set some boundaries and now.

You are resentful against them, it’s justified, but relationships are a two way street and you have to be honest with them, or your anger will erode the relationship.

At this point, assume they’re simply clueless.
You need to give them a clue


#15

No my kids don’t live with us. My son just finished his bachelor of science degree and just started working at the hospital. During his time in college though he worked and raised a family (2 beautiful granddaughters.) His wife worked and took care of the house. When he wasn’t studying he was basically working and spending what time he can with his family. My daughter works full time and rarely has time to see us except maybe once or twice a month. The only time I asked them for help was if their mother needed a ride home from hospital er when I was out of town or to stop by and maybe help pick up the house. Nothing much. I understand their time is valuable too but between two jobs and dr appts I don’t have much free time either. As far as mass our old priest a couple years ago gave me dispensation because of work. My wife watches EWTN on tv and I try to catch it on the radio. My wife is seeing a surgeon on the 16th so hopefully from what my wife read about the procedure it should take care of her health issues. It’s going to get better. I know it will but sometimes when I’ve been up with little to no sleep I begin to have doubts. Right now I ask for prayers for healing and strength.


#16

Sub Tuum Praesidium Under Thy Patronage

We fly to thy protection,
O holy Mother of God,
Despise not our petitions in our necessities,
But deliver us always from all dangers,
O glorious and blessed Virgin.
Amen.


#17

My prayers that God will guide you to inner peace, and the wisest and best way to cope with all your heavy burdens, with the wisdom of knowing which, and how, to hand over burdens that are rightfully others.
God grant you, and God grant your wife, healing.


#18

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