I made a big mistake…tonight.
My husband (as posted in another thread) stays home most of time with our child, who is 8
My husband has a passive aggressive personality. Very sarcastic. My son is picking it up. For example, my husband will
call me (on speaker phone) and tell me the couch got ruined or my favorite dress got screwed up at the cleaners. I now know never to believe him because it’s typically a joke. Ha ha…gotcha kinda stuff. But never said with humor.
Well, the other night my mother was visiting and my DH’s Father…for my son’s first communion.
I told my son at dinner that I didn’t have to work a day next week because I took the day off to be just with him.
He looked down and said “no thanks.” …I thought he was joking, like DH. So I said “come on…you know I’m excited for Thursday…and I know you are too!” He gave me a smirk, so I knew what he was doing…BUT…
He said “nope, Daddy got a sitter”. I said “right…right… know you are joking.”
But, I said “Sweetie that really hurt my feelings”. He just shrugged his shoulders and ignored me. (as my DH often does)
But my mother looked at me as if my child was serious…and she already thinks I’m nuts because I’m the breadwinner and work so much.
I snapped and said…“Mom…son is just playing games …like his dad with his passive aggressive sarcasm.”
I knew when I said it …I made a horrible mistake. I said “I’m sorry…I didn’t mean that”…and everyone changed the subject.
I pulled my husband aside and apologized and told him I was sorry, but that our child embarrassed me in front of my mother and his father…and I lashed out and I was wrong.
I said …“but our child should not be doing that …and that shouldn’t be something that he’s consistently exposed to.”
My DH said “yes ma’am” and that was it…and coldly walked away.
I had to go right back to work and I couldn’t stop crying. I felt like my child is now turning into a terror. My DH doesn’t care and my mother and father in law think I’m not loved by my own child.
I called my DH again and told him I didn’t want this tension between us and he said that this sarcasm and joking was just JOKING and that I’m making a mountain out of a mole hill…that it’s his personality, and it wouldn’t be changing easily.
Am I overreacting? I just don’t know if I’ve ever felt so low…knowing how awful my marriage is…and how bad my child was acting. And most of all…I feel terrible for being “that” person…and lashing out.
I talked to my son the next morning and told him how hurt I was by his “joke” and he instantly started crying. That made me feel better knowing that he still has compassion in his heart and he DOES know right from wrong… He apologized and said he would never want to hurt me again…hugging me…saying he loves me.
So, later on…at our final dinner together before my father in law and my mother left town…my Mom asked our son…“so what traits do you think you get from your Mom?”
My son said “my niceness. She’s always nice.”
My DH said “Well then, I guess I’ll just leave this house then.”
My Mother laughed at HIS sarcasm…as if he was Jay Leno. And there I sat…NOT laughing.
I am starting to recognize this is emotional abuse…