I need a helping hand from a fellow brother in Christ


Hey there,
I was wondering if there were any fellow guys on here that has some advice on how to deal with the heartache you get when you want to find a wife and you know God wants you to but you can’t find her. I’m a Junior in college and i’m passionate about my Catholic faith. Thank you for the help. Pax Christi.


I also wanted to add this, how attracted should I be to a woman to ask her on a date? I do also wonder whether i’m just being too picky. I don’t need to seek a supermodel; but besides one woman I was genuinely physically attracted to (whom I already asked out but said no) there aren’t any women around here that I’m genuinely attracted to that also are passionate about their catholic faith.


Beauty of the soul shines through much more clearly when it isn’t obscured by unrealistic expectations. The woman that you marry will probably eventually end up with scars, grey hair, and wrinkles. Look for beauty of the soul first.

When you ask a woman on a date, be very clear about your intentions. Don’t just say ‘let’s hang out’. Clarity is in short supply these days and it makes relationships run a lot smoother.


When I first saw my future wife I just knew. I saw her walking in a park and I just thought I want to get to know her. It wasn’t purely sexual although there was that aspect. I watched her and Iliked her laugh, her mannerisms. So I pursued her but in the end she captured me.:blush:


Well, I know what you are talking about my friend. I am also a junior in college, and so I know exactly where you are coming from. However, we’re only 20 years old! We have a lot of time God willing to find that perfect woman that we can wed in Christ. Do not give up to despair just yet!

May God bless you always! :slight_smile:


You’re overthinking it, but you’re also not wrong to look for someone who is both attractive to you and Catholic.

Might I suggest taking a step back and focusing on finding and interacting with specifically Catholic women? :compcoff: Some times, people who were not previously attractive to us become attractive to us when we find something we have in common, or an interest is uncovered. Both of my long-term girlfriends I found this way. Neither of which were someone who I had been actively pursuing (or even aware of, really) in that regard, and yet we were placed in a mutual situation, in a way that I can only imagine God was at work. :shrug:

What happens after that is largely up to the two people, which is why it often doesn’t work out. :thumbsup: …or you join the seminary ;)] But at least with a mutual Catholic background you have the Grace of God working through the relationship to help keep it chaste and focused on discerning the all-important questions of “Do we agree on matters of faith? Does this person help me stay close/get closer to God? Do I try to do the same for her? Can I see myself living with her for the rest of our lives?”

Ultimately, when we look at the long-term, those are the questions that matter. Attractiveness is important, but how.


Yeah, I remember that feeling. My advice would be to enjoy life. Join some clubs or societies in college. Get out and meet a few people, join catholic groups and you’ll inevitably meet someone.

I wouldn’t worry too much though. It’ll all happen for you. You’re only 20.


If you are a 20-year-old college student, I doubt you can afford to have a family. A man has no business getting married if he can’t support himself and more importantly the rest of his family. (Or at least pay his half of the expenses.)

At 20 with little dating experience, you have not figured out what you are looking for in a woman. Qualities that seem important at 20 will be different at 30. It is part of the maturation process. Maturation is enhanced through dating. People mature through experience.

Dating is like riding a bike. The only way to become good at it is to practice. We are all lousy when we first start dating. 90% of us have at least one dating fiasco that happened when we were young. I do. You don’t want that fiasco to take place when you meet someone who could be Miss Right. Most women appreciate a confident man, and confidence is difficult when you are a nervous wreck. Dating alleviates those nerves so you are more comfortable and your true personality shines through. Also, it is hard to get to know another person when all you are thinking about is not doing something stupid while seeming impressive. Stay off of your cell phone. Avoid bragging, and ask her lots of questions about herself. Yourself is everyone’s favorite topic of discussion when you are young. You don’t need to be impressive. She already thinks enough of you to go on a date with you. Relax and be yourself.

Lowering your standards is the wrong way to think about it. (Don’t ever say that to a woman either.) You may want to start by asking someone you find interesting, friendly and attractive. Don’t worry about looking for a perfect 10, because they are going to say no until you have experience dating. Ask someone that you think you would enjoy spending some time with.

20 is way too young to worry about it. You should be concerned about getting great grades and having life experiences. You have years to get married and have a family. If you turn 40 and have not been married, it may be time to get worried. :thumbsup:


Of course I don’t plan on proposing now. That doesn’t mean I ought not to look for the person to propose to in the future. 20 is a great time to find your future spouse.


My other advice is to start talking to women that you wouldn’t normally talk to. You will find your perceptions can be a bit off at times.


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