I have felt the call to the priesthood or religious life for the last three years. When I first received the call, I did all in my power to ignore it and suppress it. However, it will not go away. The call to Holy Orders keeps coming back no matter how hard I try to get rid of it.
I have accepted the fact that God may be calling me to Holy Orders. However, I am a sinner. I am not virtuous by any standards. I really don't feel worthy of the priesthood, and I worry that I would be a terrible priest. This is one of the reasons I have suppressed the call.
Secondly, I am in the Merchant Navy. I am training to be a Deck Officer. I have signed a contract to stay in the Navy until my training is finished in two years. I am trying hard to stay motivated but it is very difficult. It all feels pointless to me. The only subject that interests me these days is theology.
What should I do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.